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Quote from: Drugmoth
And don't forget that girls own love. 
Quote from: Thrash
They don't own love, they own pussy ...
... there's a huge difference!


Texts from last night is the new bash.org(Read 2178 times)
Texts from last night is the new bash.org on: September 10, 2010, 09:17:20 PM
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(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
(1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Loaded-Gun.com - I don't know what the hell they are talking about or why they are even there. They don't make serious points and they don't joke, but they still manage to make a lot of posts somehow.



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #1 on: September 11, 2010, 11:04:10 PM
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(817):
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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(315):
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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(314):
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Loaded-Gun.com - I don't know what the hell they are talking about or why they are even there. They don't make serious points and they don't joke, but they still manage to make a lot of posts somehow.



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #2 on: September 14, 2010, 09:37:30 AM
That last one is almost "The Gift of the Magi".
Like yours.  Only different.



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #3 on: September 28, 2010, 03:35:03 AM
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Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
<<<Delete Yourself!>>>



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #4 on: September 28, 2010, 04:56:58 PM
I love women like her ...
DAMN, do I!
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #5 on: March 12, 2014, 02:47:31 AM
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i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

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(847):
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
(1-847):
How was it?
(847):
Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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(915):
I told you I was good to drive
(1-915):
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

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I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

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So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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(617):
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
(508):
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

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She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

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(843):
the red head has a bf
(1-843):
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

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before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.


BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #6 on: March 12, 2014, 04:15:48 AM
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(614):
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
(740):
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

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a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoodie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.

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(319):
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
(1-319):
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

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Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?

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(330):
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
(216):
i hate you

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just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over

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Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

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(212):
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
(1-212):
this is Aaron, hi

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they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra ... COMPLETELY FREE!

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(905):
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
(1-905):
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
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I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
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As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?


BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #7 on: March 12, 2014, 10:59:56 AM
Some of those made me chuckle.

Also, I think I might be gay
ever tried. ever failed. no matter. try again. fail again. fail better.



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #8 on: March 13, 2014, 01:50:48 AM
Think?
It's 2014; we all KNOW we're all gay nowadays ...
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #9 on: March 13, 2014, 02:36:46 PM
Not exactly the same subject but this was posted on another site, I thought these complaints were hilarious.

"Travel Complaints"  --credit dulcinea

>>>>   
THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY
"THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS :


1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local
convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or
ginger nuts."

2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close
in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time --
this should be banned."

3. "On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that
almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we
had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included
in the price"

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we
returned to our room."

6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your
brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."

7. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was
very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."

8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children
were scared."

9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped
kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."

10. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi
drivers as they were all Spanish."

11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the
local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we
were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."

12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England .
It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."

13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends'
three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."

14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort'. We're
trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for
service."

15. "When we were in Spain there were too many Spanish people
there.The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told
us that there would be so many foreigners."

16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no
air-conditioning."

17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or
unruly guests before we travel."

18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention
mosquitoes."

19. "My finance and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but
instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you
responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became
pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that
we booked."

>>>>>>>>>
And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #10 on: March 14, 2014, 01:33:46 AM
Hahahaha ....
People are the bane of the service industry; I've always thought that ...
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #11 on: March 17, 2014, 09:37:32 PM
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

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today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
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I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

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(619):
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
(716):
do you not see the irony in that??
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how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?

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He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.

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and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity

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(617):
Houston, we have a problem
(781):
where are u?
(617):
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

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(269):
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
(1-269):
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

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Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

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white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"

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(302):Who goes to Church hungover
(717):Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk

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Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.

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As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere

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- just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.

- i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.

- k i'll be over in 5.

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(559): so I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
(1-559): That depends on who this is.

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If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

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(734): i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
(1-734): what was she crying about?
(734): i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.

Quote
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."




BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #12 on: March 18, 2014, 09:45:03 AM
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As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere

Hahaha that's pretty good.
ever tried. ever failed. no matter. try again. fail again. fail better.



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #13 on: March 19, 2014, 09:24:25 PM
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(714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
(949): I gave it to your brother to give to you.

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I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.

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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

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I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?

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(215): After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
(610): I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.

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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.

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(919): So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
(1-919): And that worked?
(919):  9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.

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Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.

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I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

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(310): i fucked a milf yesterday.
(619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

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today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married

BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #14 on: March 20, 2014, 01:26:56 PM
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.

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(614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
(1-614): and what did he say?
(614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #15 on: April 14, 2014, 08:36:04 AM
that would be an awesome christmas
Loaded-Gun.com - I don't know what the hell they are talking about or why they are even there. They don't make serious points and they don't joke, but they still manage to make a lot of posts somehow.



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #16 on: April 15, 2014, 12:30:11 PM
Yeah, I had something like that at one time ...

... yeah ...................
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #17 on: September 01, 2014, 12:10:43 AM
Quote
(919): So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
(1-919): And that worked?
(919): 9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.

Quote
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

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(310): i fucked a milf yesterday.
(619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

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(703): Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
(202): New charity walk idea!

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i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

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(303): You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
(720): Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.

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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?

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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.

BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #18 on: September 01, 2014, 01:55:05 AM
Send her my way afterward:
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She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like

Not a bad idea, actually
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my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.

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She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

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(404): I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
(770): she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
(404): You KNEW her power was out...

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(250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
(1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.

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(519): What color are my eyes?
(1-519): Ummmm... 34 C?

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Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.

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Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

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(703): fucking a dude
(703): i mean: fucking a, dude
(703): wow, that comma made all the difference there

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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...

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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out

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Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

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(804): Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
(571): was that a mass text??

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They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.

BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #19 on: September 18, 2014, 01:41:47 AM
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He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.

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i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her

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Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

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If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.

BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #20 on: October 24, 2014, 02:17:39 AM
Do I believe this one?
Quote
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.

Quote
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Quote
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
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i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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(314): Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
(636): our generation is not ready to get married
Quote
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
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She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
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Absence makes the cock grow harder.

Funny; I've only heard the complete opposite!
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I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.

Winner!!!
Quote
I'd call her cunt but she doesn't have the depth or the warmth!
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #21 on: October 27, 2014, 12:56:47 PM
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In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
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guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
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I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
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Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Quote
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
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Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
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(208): you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
(1-208): did we at least go back and get it?
(208): how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
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why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
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(360): is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
(503): Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Quote
I bet the first caveman to make fire got so much pussy
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #22 on: November 13, 2014, 03:07:30 PM
Quote
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
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My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
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I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
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New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
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He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
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lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
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hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
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Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
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She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
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My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
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i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
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I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
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dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
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(330): i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
(614): My vagina agrees.
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #23 on: November 27, 2014, 01:39:57 AM
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Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
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I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
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I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
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those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
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you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #24 on: November 27, 2014, 02:50:20 AM
Hahaha "Dog Beers".

I'm working on my third forty tonight AND I'm still cooking shit for tomorrow.

Oh but I have also been up since 5:00am because the railroad was doing some stupid shit up on the tracks and it made an incredibly annoying drone just at the threshold of perception.

I thought it was one of the fans in my PC so I commanded it to sleep. The fans went off but the drone continued.

So I thought ok play some shitty Youtube shit to drown it out.

But my PC refused to wake up. Ok now it was wtf.

And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #25 on: November 28, 2014, 04:08:54 PM
I hated living near the railroads ...
There's ALWAYS something going on ...
... and some of those engineers are a little too heavy-handed with the horns late at night
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #26 on: November 29, 2014, 12:42:34 PM
I used to live near some railroad tracks. When I'd hear that lonesome whistle blow, I'd hang my head and cry :(
ever tried. ever failed. no matter. try again. fail again. fail better.



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #27 on: November 29, 2014, 01:45:54 PM
Hahaha I bet you guys liked Johnny more than we did.

When I was in my teens I could do a perfect lip sync to several of his songs, (tripped a couple friends out) never had the voice to try and cover them though.
And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #28 on: November 29, 2014, 02:57:52 PM
I still jam Folsom Prison Blues in my live shows occasionally ...
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #29 on: November 29, 2014, 03:40:41 PM
I like this version even better than JC's.

ever tried. ever failed. no matter. try again. fail again. fail better.



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #30 on: January 02, 2015, 05:43:45 PM
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My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning

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It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.

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(562): tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
(714): and a girl gets the red ring of death every month

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Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app

I'VE DONE THIS - I'VE DONE THIS!!! (... and I still maintain is was quite appropriate!)
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Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!!!
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I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.

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Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up

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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

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Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.

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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.

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Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.

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My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?

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I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.

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(315): MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
(315): AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!

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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.

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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #31 on: January 03, 2015, 04:09:49 AM


>>Quote

    Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app. <<

I have never done this mainly because I don't have a dealer these days but also because the shit would get lost under the rubber armor.
And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #32 on: January 03, 2015, 05:52:43 PM
Yeah THAT'S the problem with that statement ... Haha!!!
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Texts from last night is the new bash.org Reply #33 on: October 26, 2015, 02:47:29 PM
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')