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That's the shitty thing, we'll be wading through posts by Zoomie's gay horde all day.


classic stoner shit(Read 3705 times)
classic stoner shit on: October 19, 2010, 12:10:53 AM
Trying to ash the joint out the car window that you just rolled up so you could light said joint.

...then pulling over to flick the embers off your lap and find where the fuck the smushed joint went.

---

Add more plz.
ever tried. ever failed. no matter. try again. fail again. fail better.



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #1 on: October 19, 2010, 07:29:46 PM
STONER!
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #2 on: October 20, 2010, 05:55:44 AM
Dopehead.
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #3 on: October 20, 2010, 11:28:25 AM
Oh man, that reminds me...
Go to these sites, and don't forget to tell your friends!
KimboFever.com
MyWebTrash.com
d00dj00sux0r.com



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #4 on: October 21, 2010, 03:24:44 AM
ever tried. ever failed. no matter. try again. fail again. fail better.



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #5 on: October 21, 2010, 04:13:33 AM
Funny, that happens to me a lot, now that I live in a (semi-)new state. Then again, I tend to get disoriented easily anyway. And pretty fucking high.

In fact, I just got home from a nice little drive. All the road construction in this city makes for very interesting peoplewatching on the way home. There are a million fucking roadblocks, different every night it seems. Also different, are the dirty sketchballs hanging out on the corners, or the fat black ladies sitting outside yelling at someone else you can't see. Or sometimes you can. It all really depends on how many neglected little black babies are running around in the street. It's probably the crack talking, you know? Wait, that last part happened across the street from my apartment like every day for the last eleven months.

Anyway. So suddenly halfway home through a bad neighborhood the Dutch and the bong rips from a little while ago at my friend's house punched me in the face. I'm really stoned and started to panic a little at red lights thinking that the thugs hanging around on the corner near my car might corner me and mug me and steal my car.  I compulsively keep auto-locking my doors and checking my side mirrors to be sure nobody's sneaking up on me,  and then I miss my goddamn turn because I'm so panicked and distracted because I'm stoned and paranoid as shit. Due to the ever-changing road construction, every turn counts, because one minute you're en route home, and the next you end up on the highway to CT. No glasses. Phone's dead and charger is in other car, so no GPS. Awesome.

I blame the pot, in other words.



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #6 on: October 21, 2010, 03:40:21 PM
Fuck that, clearly it was just something about last night.
ever tried. ever failed. no matter. try again. fail again. fail better.



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #7 on: October 22, 2010, 03:42:36 AM
Funny, that happens to me a lot, now that I live in a (semi-)new state. Then again, I tend to get disoriented easily anyway. And pretty fucking high.

In fact, I just got home from a nice little drive. All the road construction in this city makes for very interesting peoplewatching on the way home. There are a million fucking roadblocks, different every night it seems. Also different, are the dirty sketchballs hanging out on the corners, or the fat black ladies sitting outside yelling at someone else you can't see. Or sometimes you can. It all really depends on how many neglected little black babies are running around in the street. It's probably the crack talking, you know? Wait, that last part happened across the street from my apartment like every day for the last eleven months.

Anyway. So suddenly halfway home through a bad neighborhood the Dutch and the bong rips from a little while ago at my friend's house punched me in the face. I'm really stoned and started to panic a little at red lights thinking that the thugs hanging around on the corner near my car might corner me and mug me and steal my car.  I compulsively keep auto-locking my doors and checking my side mirrors to be sure nobody's sneaking up on me,  and then I miss my goddamn turn because I'm so panicked and distracted because I'm stoned and paranoid as shit. Due to the ever-changing road construction, every turn counts, because one minute you're en route home, and the next you end up on the highway to CT. No glasses. Phone's dead and charger is in other car, so no GPS. Awesome.

I blame the pot, in other words.
Hey isn't she supposed to be supposed to be describing me with the paranoia theme and all?  Hey, just asking.

Anyway sorry Kate. I crash my bike sometimes, shit happens, we get through it. Avoid getting a DUI, (and that means pot or alcohol) -  take my word for it.
 
And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #8 on: November 04, 2010, 04:26:37 PM
Where's that website with the MS Paint stoner comics with all those guys with red eyes? Fuck, that stuff is hilarious. Well hell, just put "stoner comics" into google image search.



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #9 on: August 06, 2012, 02:21:41 PM
at least you aint got boobs to lose lit cherries and scream, dig and  have it burn through your shirt and bra. I got scars, man.



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #10 on: August 06, 2012, 02:54:21 PM
Anyone ever ask if they can kiss your boob-boos?
And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #11 on: August 06, 2012, 04:17:31 PM
a few



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #12 on: August 07, 2012, 10:15:34 AM
I once had this nice metal chillum that had a lid. I put one of those silicon pencil grip thingies over the stem to keep from burning my fingers. It was a wonderful piece that could be taken anywhere.

Except for the half dozen times I ended up shoving it in my bra without allowing the lid to cool. it mostly happened at outdoor music festivals.

I miss that pipe. My husband had it in his pocket and fell asleep on his parents couch and poof. We're about 98% sure it fell out of the pocket, in between the cushions and was later found and tossed by my Mother -In -Law. She does passive-agressive shit like that



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #13 on: August 07, 2012, 11:48:27 AM
ugh, i do that with lighters all the time. First titty national needs better security



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #14 on: August 11, 2012, 07:13:54 PM
Once I had a ceramic pipe in my shirt pocket and I got arrested for drunk in public. (we weren't drunk, we were on PCP)
They gave it back to me when I was released.

Still had a bit of bud in it and we toked it up in the county jail parking lot. 

I still have it.
And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #15 on: November 10, 2012, 10:50:49 AM
Last night, I smoked a little, and decided to clean house. That way, when 3 am rolls up on me, I won't be like, "The fuck do I make coffee in this dirty kitchen?"
So, I sing the Rainbow Brite Theme Song to the dishes while I wash them. It always makes them shine Just a little brighter. Then I pull the trash bag, because I have MORE trash bags and I CAN take the trash out, you know. (This is exactly how these thoughts appeared in my mind, at the time) I notice the bottom of the trash can needs to be cleaned, so I dump some bleach into it.
Hmm,  think, I need to Scrubb that with something.... but what?
I remember that I have a toilet-bowl brush thing somewhere.
Oh hell, where the Fuck would Anyone keep a thing like that?
I search the Entire house. The toilet bowl brush has vanished. WTF!?
I swear, I looked for the cabinets in the hall bathroom for 30 minutes. Nothing. (Yes, I could Not locate the damn cabinets under the bathroom sink...)
I go back to the kitchen and see that the counter tops need cleaned.
I go back to cleaning in the kitchen, and suddenly, I am aware that the cabinets under the sink in the hall bathroom are MISSING.

Where have they run off to?
I check the Other bathroom, and no, that bathroom only has it's own cabinets.

Shit! What's going to happen when it's time to renew my lease????? How Much Are They Gonna Charge Me For The Missing Cabinets????


I eventually went to sleep, continually worrying about those missing cabinets.

This morning, though, they had come back. :)
All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.
-Edgar Allan Poe

-Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn-



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #16 on: November 10, 2012, 12:18:40 PM
Yep, I do love you girl.
And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #17 on: November 10, 2012, 02:47:45 PM
Once I had a ceramic pipe in my shirt pocket and I got arrested for drunk in public. (we weren't drunk, we were on PCP)
They gave it back to me when I was released.

Still had a bit of bud in it and we toked it up in the county jail parking lot. 

I still have it.
What year, man?
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #18 on: November 10, 2012, 07:10:04 PM
Must have been about 79, Why?

sometime in the late 70's anyway, I can't remember exactly.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2012, 07:27:08 PM by Truncheon »
And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #19 on: November 10, 2012, 07:34:59 PM
Well, that's a tad more relevant; pre-COPS ...
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #20 on: November 10, 2012, 08:31:22 PM
So didja find the toilet brush?



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #21 on: November 11, 2012, 10:18:34 AM
Yep, I do love you girl.
You can be my Forrest, anytime.

So didja find the toilet brush?

Dammit, no. hahahahaha =)
All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.
-Edgar Allan Poe

-Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn-



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #22 on: November 11, 2012, 04:59:34 PM
Off to the Dollar Tree with ye!
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #23 on: November 12, 2012, 10:02:26 AM
Then it will be a piece of junk. I'll buy my toilet brush at the Target store, thank you very much.
All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.
-Edgar Allan Poe

-Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn-



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #24 on: November 12, 2012, 01:00:04 PM
Then it will be a piece of shit.

C'mon, now ....
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #25 on: November 12, 2012, 01:09:27 PM
All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.
-Edgar Allan Poe

-Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn-



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #26 on: December 15, 2014, 08:57:48 AM
I keep throwing the stuff I mean to put back in the fridge after cooking in the trash, and the trash in the fridge. or leaving burners on with pans on them and get found an hour later, scorched or broken. I broke the handle on the lid of my martha stewart enamel cast iron dutch oven.



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #27 on: December 15, 2014, 12:30:38 PM
Setting a place on fire is a terrible life-lesson to endure ...
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #28 on: December 15, 2014, 01:04:33 PM
no fires yet. just broken melted shit and smoking pans.



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #29 on: December 15, 2014, 06:26:10 PM
No fires for me either but I've burned up a lot of rice.
You know how you are supposed to bring it to a boil and then turn it down to low and cover for 20 min ... yeah.
And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #30 on: December 15, 2014, 08:07:38 PM
20 mins comes quick when youre stone.



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #31 on: December 15, 2014, 09:48:49 PM
Once it's turned down on low you have a lot of leeway on the time. It's the old saying "a watched pot never boils" that gets me. I put it on high and go do something else until it comes to a boil and then forget to check on it.
And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #32 on: December 17, 2014, 01:06:34 PM
devil!



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #33 on: December 16, 2015, 09:03:02 PM
Hey has anyone heard of "Shatter" sold in head shops?
And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #34 on: December 19, 2015, 07:46:10 PM
That fake pot shit?
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #35 on: December 19, 2015, 09:46:53 PM
It's actually pretty good, just add a small piece to a bowl load.
And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #36 on: January 02, 2016, 03:40:02 PM
I've tried that, uhm, (I forgot what it's called now) ...
Same deal ... It's not bad at all ...
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: classic stoner shit Reply #37 on: January 02, 2016, 08:41:37 PM
Yeah I don't know what the shit really is. You get a little super flat 1/2 x 1/2 bit folded up in parchment paper. It's very hard and when you try to break a piece off they fly in all directions so you have to be careful.
The reason it's called shatter.

Anyway I have had occasion to try it and it does amp up the laugh factor. 

What I really need is some fucking pure opium though.
And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?