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Anyone ready Fmylife.com?(Read 9127 times)
Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #60 on: January 05, 2010, 10:58:55 PM
I'll take average over terrible or none ....
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #61 on: January 05, 2010, 11:03:20 PM
Me... It depends on how much work the average is.

If only I could find out before the deed...
~sigh.
Quote from: FB comment
Look dude, there's only one thing I like that starts with Hot Black Co- and it doesn't end in 'ffee'.



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #62 on: January 05, 2010, 11:05:58 PM
Yeah, you never know ...
If I know she's good, I'll put more effort; if I'm flying blind, I may or may not at all ...
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #63 on: January 07, 2010, 12:32:05 AM
Quote
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #64 on: January 07, 2010, 12:33:22 AM
Quote
Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #65 on: January 07, 2010, 12:35:31 AM
Quote
Today, I had a rare phone call from my ex-girlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was the best conversation we have had in forever, it made me miss her and miss us. Later on in the day, she called back asking what we talked about. She was too high too remember. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #66 on: January 07, 2010, 12:38:03 AM
THIS is how we roll here at AS/LG:
Quote
Today my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I could help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #67 on: January 07, 2010, 12:55:20 AM
Would Dylan or krsna keep fapping?

Quote
Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #68 on: January 07, 2010, 01:01:25 AM
Quote
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #69 on: January 12, 2010, 12:41:07 AM
Do you use, like, "certain terms" to find this stuff, or what?!?

Your "THIS is how we roll" one?

Phucking Perfectly Priceless!
Signature :      X   



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #70 on: January 12, 2010, 01:36:35 AM
Do you use, like, "certain terms" to find this stuff, or what?!?

Your "THIS is how we roll" one?

Phucking Perfectly Priceless


I put it thought google img filter off... it's l-g in imgs.
http://images.google.com.au/images?source=hp&q=Phucking+Perfectly+Priceless&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi

« Last Edit: January 12, 2010, 01:39:26 AM by banal »
Quote from: FB comment
Look dude, there's only one thing I like that starts with Hot Black Co- and it doesn't end in 'ffee'.



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #71 on: January 12, 2010, 10:01:50 AM
Quote
Today, some drunk dude broke into my house while my parents were out. Scared, I asked him what he wanted, his response was "cookies." FML
Go to these sites, and don't forget to tell your friends!
KimboFever.com
MyWebTrash.com
d00dj00sux0r.com



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #72 on: January 12, 2010, 11:25:05 PM
Quote
Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #73 on: January 12, 2010, 11:26:57 PM
Who wouldn't do this one?
Quote
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #74 on: January 12, 2010, 11:29:57 PM
This makes Kyle not look so bad, eh?
Quote
Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #75 on: January 12, 2010, 11:32:29 PM
I need to meet a woman with that. When she wakes up I'd be done. Much less disappointment and humiliation that way.
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #76 on: January 12, 2010, 11:38:36 PM
Right ...

I can't help but laugh at this one; It reminds me of how I picture this girl, Melissa's, mother:
Quote
Today, I told my mom I am bulimic and have been for a few years and that I need help. She responded by saying "Well that's clearly not working for you. Why don't you try anorexia." She then patted me on my head, smiled, and walked away. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #77 on: January 12, 2010, 11:44:17 PM
I'm SO going to use this (and wonder if Sasha has yet):
Quote
Today, I hooked up with this guy i really like for the first time. After, we were laying in bed listening to music. When the song finished he leaned over and said, "You know what you and that song have in common?" I smiled and said, "What?" He replied with, "You just got played, get out of my bed." FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #78 on: January 12, 2010, 11:48:04 PM
This is when murder becomes legal:
Quote
Today, I called my fiance and found out she is 9 weeks pregnant. I had been in Iraq for over 6 months. I also found out her and her new boyfriend already spent most of my $30,000 re-enlistment bonus on a new car and a trip to Las Vegas. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #79 on: January 12, 2010, 11:54:11 PM
This too:
Quote
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #80 on: January 13, 2010, 01:10:40 AM
Who does this?
Quote
Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #81 on: January 13, 2010, 01:14:53 AM
This happened to me when eHarmony came out; we all HAD to take their big "personality test" ...
Quote
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML

I know others here had the same thing happen ...
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #82 on: January 13, 2010, 01:18:48 AM
Again, murder is allowed here:
Quote
Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #83 on: January 13, 2010, 01:53:40 AM
Zoomie, quit scarring the bitches:
Quote
Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #84 on: January 13, 2010, 02:23:41 AM
Hahahahaha ....
Quote
Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #85 on: January 13, 2010, 02:37:44 AM
This happened to a friend of mine, actually:
Quote
Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #86 on: January 13, 2010, 03:50:37 AM
Pork Chops, just had em, yumm
And where were you while the cat was away, making like a mouse?



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #87 on: January 13, 2010, 07:31:54 PM
Speaking of which ...

Quote
Today, I used the bathroom on a bus from New York to Boston, and carefully covered the seat with twenty of the single-square toilet paper rations. As I was peeing, the bus flew over a bump and swerved sharply, and my entire naked bottom was splashed with urine and poop. It wasn't my own. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #88 on: January 13, 2010, 08:06:57 PM
This happened to a friend of mine, actually:
Quote
Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML

I know someone that happened to, actually, only it was her mother and aunt switching roles. She only found out when she was 50-something and her "mother" died.
ever tried. ever failed. no matter. try again. fail again. fail better.



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #89 on: January 14, 2010, 05:45:15 PM
Why Tru's kids live in other states:
Quote
Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML

Additionally, I'd prolly not be quite so upset about this one:
Quote
Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

Hahahahahaha .... Who's this remind you of?
Quote
Today, I finally got the chance to hook up with the girl I really like. She was naked, and as she was taking my pants off, she looked at my penis and said, "oh, I just remembered I have to babysit my little sister today." FML

Once again; legalize murder:
Quote
Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML

KYLE!!!:
Quote
Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')