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Yeah I carry a vial of chloroform and a rag at all times. For protection.


Anyone ready Fmylife.com?(Read 28223 times)
Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #90 on: January 16, 2010, 01:44:31 AM
This happened to a friend of mine, actually:
Quote
Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML

I know someone that happened to, actually, only it was her mother and aunt switching roles. She only found out when she was 50-something and her "mother" died.

This just SUX ...

David, my son?  Yeah, well, he's also my little bro, 'cuz my folks adopted him.  To the world, at large, I was nothing but an UNfit Mother.

What is just too sad?  I wasn't that UnFit ~ I WAS, however, that UNrich, and couldn't even afford myself.

Well, all anyway ...


I think about that.  About if we just had everything we needed, how cool and easy it would all be.

Too bad I'm not the guy in charge ...



On ANOTHER Note:

Good GOD, Dave!  Do You LIVE at FML???  I've been there, several times, and I NEVER find the gold you do!
« Last Edit: January 16, 2010, 01:46:26 AM by arielle.looney »
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Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #91 on: January 16, 2010, 02:36:50 PM
I only look at the "highest rated" ...
Most other stuff blows dog dick ....
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #92 on: February 12, 2010, 09:22:39 PM
These are SO both me:

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Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

Quote
Today, after confessing my love for my best friend, he looked at me and said "I'm not feeling it. But does this mean we can have sex?" FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #93 on: February 12, 2010, 09:25:10 PM
So many of these fit Dylan:
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Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML

Quote
Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML
« Last Edit: February 12, 2010, 09:26:34 PM by Thrash »
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #94 on: July 30, 2010, 07:08:55 PM
There's an APP for that afterall!
Quote
Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #95 on: July 31, 2010, 06:08:33 AM
*watches Dave run right out to pick up an iPhone...*



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #96 on: July 31, 2010, 11:21:50 AM
Doesn't Dave's phone automatically broadcast an "I NEED ANAL" text message every three hours already?



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #97 on: July 31, 2010, 12:17:34 PM
Yep, to his entire contact list.
ever tried. ever failed. no matter. try again. fail again. fail better.



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #98 on: July 31, 2010, 01:57:58 PM
That's called Grinder app.



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #99 on: July 31, 2010, 03:53:47 PM
Hahahaha ...
Thanks ...
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #100 on: December 16, 2011, 01:19:54 AM
Hahahaha!

Quote
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #101 on: January 09, 2014, 02:22:30 PM
* Thrash nods *
Quote
Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #102 on: November 13, 2015, 03:29:50 PM
Quote
Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #103 on: November 14, 2015, 11:01:55 AM
Quote
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #104 on: December 28, 2019, 06:23:01 PM
Quote
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #105 on: December 29, 2019, 02:00:22 AM
Hahaha great, like the old Johnny Fuckem Faster! "please mom I'm going as fast as I can".
Reality; A shared narrative we all agree to believe.



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #106 on: December 31, 2019, 08:37:51 PM
Hahahaha ...
I was ALWAYS worried about that happening with an old ex of mine and fucking her in her parents' house ...
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #107 on: January 02, 2020, 11:01:01 PM
THIS:
Quote
Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML
... is gonna happen to SOMEONE I know, goddammit!
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #108 on: January 03, 2020, 02:37:11 AM
Haven't watched the movie but I bet you are right.
Reality; A shared narrative we all agree to believe.



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #109 on: January 03, 2020, 07:42:26 PM
No, I'm going to MAKE IT happen to someone ...
My baby brother, Dan, is 41 today!  MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #110 on: January 04, 2020, 01:56:11 AM
LOL!
Reality; A shared narrative we all agree to believe.



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #111 on: January 08, 2020, 01:44:07 AM
His girl was there, as were some young'uns ...
I'll get him with it yet ...
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #112 on: February 14, 2020, 10:11:08 PM
Quote
Today, my wife is still not pregnant, but her sister is after the threesome we all had a few months ago. The threesome was my wife's idea, but I suspect I am still a dead man when it comes to whose fault it is. FML
Uhm ....
just .... Yeah ....
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #113 on: February 14, 2020, 10:25:28 PM
I need to try this one ....
Quote
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #114 on: February 14, 2020, 10:59:07 PM
Quote
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #115 on: February 14, 2020, 11:15:58 PM
This is one of the post's profiles:
Quote
About Sapprentice
I try to be a very nice person, because people should be nice to each other. However, I honestly feel disdain and contempt for a lot of people. It makes me a bit of an a** sometimes. I apologize if I'm ever an a** to you. I'm getting married in a few months. My life has sucked for years, but maybe it'll get better soon. My fiance and I are planning on children soon after our wedding, and I'm really hoping I don't mess them up. Whatever my faults, I want to be a good mom. Text speak, poor grammar, and bad spelling all bother me. I refuse to type like that. I believe that all humans, including myself, are terrible monsters, and life is about trying to be a little less of a horrible person. That's about everything. I hope your day goes well.

Edit: I am happily married to my wonderful husband, and have become a very content mother. Life has never been so pleasant for me.

You know, she had me ...
until the end ....
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #116 on: February 15, 2020, 01:29:57 AM
Quote
Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #117 on: February 28, 2020, 02:17:48 AM
Quote
Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #118 on: February 29, 2020, 09:18:51 PM
They are still funny but I don't think anyone reads them any longer.
Reality; A shared narrative we all agree to believe.



Re: Anyone ready Fmylife.com? Reply #119 on: February 29, 2020, 09:22:39 PM
<<He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML<< He means AIDs all the way. Fag   
Reality; A shared narrative we all agree to believe.