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Quote from: 13chemicals
Every six months Zoomie goes without sex, we find out about another newly acquired pet or sailboat.


2am phone message(Read 13170 times)
2am phone message on: April 12, 2009, 09:07:34 AM
Got this when I woke up this morning, came from an Austin, TX number, with a nice, young (and very drunk) female voice attached to it:

"Hello this is a late night census, and I'm just trying to take a poll of who is the bigger douchebag: Luke or um... other participants of my *giggle* poll... namely Kyle or Dylan... who is a bigger douche?Luke, Dylan or Kyle?  Press one for Luke, press two for Dylan, three for Kyle and leave your name after the beep" *drunken giggle turns to loud laughter* "awww fuck..." *hangs up*

I wonder who this could have been?

At least leave me some stroke material next time Sash...
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: 2am phone message Reply #1 on: April 12, 2009, 09:09:27 AM
my favorite part is the giggling...



Re: 2am phone message Reply #2 on: April 12, 2009, 09:09:58 AM
I was gonna say, I'd be bopping it before she said "this".
~
A pleasant man with a pleasant weapon



Re: 2am phone message Reply #3 on: April 12, 2009, 09:12:56 AM
Yeah nice voice. She could totally do phone sex for CC numbers.
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: 2am phone message Reply #4 on: April 12, 2009, 09:14:51 AM
I have a Tennessee friend that has nasty dirty phone sex with me.  The southern accent is hawt.
~
A pleasant man with a pleasant weapon



Re: 2am phone message Reply #5 on: April 12, 2009, 09:22:18 AM
Luke is CLEARLY the biggest douche. What an asshole. sheesh. :P
you treat me like a monologue ho



Re: 2am phone message Reply #6 on: April 12, 2009, 09:28:35 AM
All things considered, Luke is the LARGEST douche. Kyle is clearly the biggest douche. And you're dick-prejudiced so shut your polesmoker.
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: 2am phone message Reply #7 on: April 12, 2009, 09:31:43 AM
I take offense to being called a douche.  I'm more of an elitist prick.
~
A pleasant man with a pleasant weapon



Re: 2am phone message Reply #8 on: April 12, 2009, 09:34:08 AM
Read it again, Bob's Big Boy... You're not even in the running. Take it up with the pollster. She'll be awake in another 6 hours.
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: 2am phone message Reply #9 on: April 12, 2009, 09:34:55 AM
I take offense to being called a douche.  I'm more of an elitist prick.

Yeah, you only scull the DMX thats been aged for 12 years.
« Last Edit: April 12, 2009, 09:36:08 AM by homeless-joe »
Quote from: FB comment
Look dude, there's only one thing I like that starts with Hot Black Co- and it doesn't end in 'ffee'.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #10 on: April 12, 2009, 09:39:03 AM
How many fucking times do I have to tell people?!?!?!

DMX:


DXM:
~
A pleasant man with a pleasant weapon



Re: 2am phone message Reply #11 on: April 12, 2009, 09:42:59 AM
I hope that's a chick cuz that's a mad gay tat for a guy...
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: 2am phone message Reply #12 on: April 12, 2009, 09:44:10 AM
How many fucking times do I have to tell people?!?!?!



1st time for me.
Quote from: FB comment
Look dude, there's only one thing I like that starts with Hot Black Co- and it doesn't end in 'ffee'.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #13 on: April 12, 2009, 09:44:36 AM
I hope that's a chick cuz that's a mad gay tat for a guy...

How so? 
~
A pleasant man with a pleasant weapon



Re: 2am phone message Reply #14 on: April 12, 2009, 09:45:53 AM
Why can't I be the biggest douche?

Bagman texted me at midnight saying that Sasha wanted my phone #. I suppose she wanted to "poll" me too?
you treat me like a monologue ho



Re: 2am phone message Reply #15 on: April 12, 2009, 09:47:32 AM
Now we know where she got MY number. Luke wouldn't do that to me.

Kyle you are Jew-Burger.
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: 2am phone message Reply #16 on: April 12, 2009, 09:48:40 AM
With a side of banker.

No one knows my number.  :P
~
A pleasant man with a pleasant weapon



Re: 2am phone message Reply #17 on: April 12, 2009, 09:51:13 AM
homeless-joe - +61 0413 306 520.

buggered if i can remember if you need to take out the first zero.
Quote from: FB comment
Look dude, there's only one thing I like that starts with Hot Black Co- and it doesn't end in 'ffee'.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #18 on: April 12, 2009, 09:54:49 AM
That's a long fucking number.
~
A pleasant man with a pleasant weapon



Re: 2am phone message Reply #19 on: April 12, 2009, 09:55:13 AM
I suppose posting it in a gender appropriate craigslist personal ad would be futile. If it's Sasha's phone, she'll appreciate the lesbian hordes coming over the wall at her. If it's Kyle's (which I doubt) he'll just post my number on some gay anal fisting site local to me in retaliation.

I think I posted my own number someplace here anyway.
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: 2am phone message Reply #20 on: April 12, 2009, 10:06:27 AM
That's a long fucking number.

its a mobile. we dont use "normal" numbers for mobiles here.
+61 is the country code.
my home fone is one digit longer than usa numbers.
Quote from: FB comment
Look dude, there's only one thing I like that starts with Hot Black Co- and it doesn't end in 'ffee'.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #21 on: April 12, 2009, 10:13:19 AM
you'll need to drop that zero
Loaded-Gun.com - I don't know what the hell they are talking about or why they are even there. They don't make serious points and they don't joke, but they still manage to make a lot of posts somehow.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #22 on: April 12, 2009, 10:14:47 AM
Yeah, thats what I thought too. It's been awhile since I have given it out.
Quote from: FB comment
Look dude, there's only one thing I like that starts with Hot Black Co- and it doesn't end in 'ffee'.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #23 on: April 12, 2009, 10:17:08 AM
you'll need to drop that zero

And get yourself a hero.
~
A pleasant man with a pleasant weapon



Re: 2am phone message Reply #24 on: April 12, 2009, 10:19:31 AM
Quote from: FB comment
Look dude, there's only one thing I like that starts with Hot Black Co- and it doesn't end in 'ffee'.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #25 on: April 12, 2009, 10:23:51 AM
Believe it or not, it's just me.
~
A pleasant man with a pleasant weapon



Re: 2am phone message Reply #26 on: April 12, 2009, 10:34:56 AM
Now we know where she got MY number. Luke wouldn't do that to me.

Actually, it WAS me.

I think I posted my own number someplace here anyway.

That's right.  I wouldn't give out information that you'd not previously given out yourself.
Like yours.  Only different.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #27 on: April 12, 2009, 10:35:38 AM
my favorite part is the giggling...

Me too!

It was a funny juxtoposition against how serious she was trying to be!
Like yours.  Only different.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #28 on: April 12, 2009, 10:36:40 AM
Luke is CLEARLY the biggest douche. What an asshole. sheesh. :P

You're going to say this about the guy that protected your phone number?!
Like yours.  Only different.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #29 on: April 12, 2009, 11:42:35 AM
homeless-joe - +61 0413 306 520.

buggered if i can remember if you need to take out the first zero.

First zero needs to go.

Now I have a number for drunked random calls... danke.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #30 on: April 12, 2009, 11:53:59 AM
No, no you don't. It's the number for my 3G.

dunk random txt are pointless given I will only get them when im online.
Quote from: FB comment
Look dude, there's only one thing I like that starts with Hot Black Co- and it doesn't end in 'ffee'.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #31 on: April 12, 2009, 11:56:44 AM
hahaha... I was kidding... I hate the fucking things, and only use them for work.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #32 on: April 12, 2009, 11:59:12 AM
so im back to pretending i have friends....
Quote from: FB comment
Look dude, there's only one thing I like that starts with Hot Black Co- and it doesn't end in 'ffee'.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #33 on: April 12, 2009, 12:01:09 PM
I'm an imaginary character anyways...

Fuck, my sleeping patterns are all up the shit.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #34 on: April 12, 2009, 12:03:31 PM
I have an excuse for the last two weeks, holidays.
Quote from: FB comment
Look dude, there's only one thing I like that starts with Hot Black Co- and it doesn't end in 'ffee'.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #35 on: April 12, 2009, 12:04:37 PM
Voluntary or enforced?



Re: 2am phone message Reply #36 on: April 12, 2009, 12:05:28 PM
I'm the boss.

(doc did suggest it though)
Quote from: FB comment
Look dude, there's only one thing I like that starts with Hot Black Co- and it doesn't end in 'ffee'.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #37 on: April 12, 2009, 12:06:32 PM
ahhh.

Cool!



Re: 2am phone message Reply #38 on: April 12, 2009, 07:21:15 PM
envy
Loaded-Gun.com - I don't know what the hell they are talking about or why they are even there. They don't make serious points and they don't joke, but they still manage to make a lot of posts somehow.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #39 on: April 12, 2009, 10:35:12 PM
Fuck I'm hungover!  I feel like someone took a shit down my throat and fucked me with sand paper.  I think I shortened my life span by at least two years with the thirteen hours of hard drinking I did yesterday.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #40 on: April 12, 2009, 10:37:10 PM
Eh. You have a nice phone voice though.

Thanks, I'm going to get that converted to .wav and post it. It was cute.
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: 2am phone message Reply #41 on: April 12, 2009, 10:51:33 PM
Everything I don't remember doing always ends up on the internet.  I feel just like a preteen popstar who gets a shaved pussy pic in a magazine, special yet betrayed.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #42 on: April 12, 2009, 10:54:42 PM
And unless you actually are a preteen pop star you shouldn't care if your flaps end up on the cover of People.
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: 2am phone message Reply #43 on: April 12, 2009, 10:56:03 PM
Fuck I'm hungover!  I feel like someone took a shit down my throat and fucked me with sand paper.

So, you don't remember...

I mean, I'm glad to see that you're alive!  :D
Like yours.  Only different.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #44 on: April 12, 2009, 10:57:18 PM
I'm a preteen popstar in my dreams, just like Danzig.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #45 on: April 12, 2009, 11:00:36 PM
I'm a preteen popstar in my dreams, just like Danzig.

Bullshit!
You are so fucking metal!!!
....just like Danzig.
Like yours.  Only different.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #46 on: April 12, 2009, 11:02:33 PM
Everything I don't remember doing always ends up on the internet.  I feel just like a preteen popstar who gets a shaved pussy pic in a magazine, special yet betrayed.

I'm wondering how many preteens need to shave their pussys. Not many, I suspect.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #47 on: April 12, 2009, 11:07:07 PM
I intend to research this and will report back when I recover.
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: 2am phone message Reply #48 on: April 12, 2009, 11:39:46 PM
I just like the peach fuzz.
~
A pleasant man with a pleasant weapon



Re: 2am phone message Reply #49 on: April 12, 2009, 11:43:24 PM
I just like the braces.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #50 on: April 12, 2009, 11:44:41 PM
What about the little plumb sized tits?
~
A pleasant man with a pleasant weapon



Re: 2am phone message Reply #51 on: April 12, 2009, 11:46:04 PM
« Last Edit: April 12, 2009, 11:46:48 PM by eitje »
Like yours.  Only different.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #52 on: April 12, 2009, 11:47:18 PM
<3 Michelle
~
A pleasant man with a pleasant weapon



Re: 2am phone message Reply #53 on: April 12, 2009, 11:54:29 PM
She reminds me of that stripper at the ShowNTel who danced wearing only a knee brace



Re: 2am phone message Reply #54 on: April 12, 2009, 11:54:52 PM
Hahahaha.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #55 on: April 12, 2009, 11:55:28 PM
Youve seen her too?



Re: 2am phone message Reply #56 on: April 12, 2009, 11:56:23 PM
No I just wasn't expecting such a fine brace.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #57 on: April 13, 2009, 12:27:21 AM
I like em with knee braces, harder for them to escape.
Pour the wine, hold the grind, quarter to nine, let's go.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #58 on: April 13, 2009, 12:52:45 AM
I think I posted my own number someplace here anyway.

For the record, it was on here PRE the relaunch, and it's on TSi ...
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: 2am phone message Reply #59 on: April 13, 2009, 04:19:03 AM
So, why haven't you turned on the ol' ENIAC and let us hear the voicemail?
Skybox, right up here in section La-Di-Dah.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #60 on: April 13, 2009, 09:11:54 AM
So, why haven't you turned on the ol' ENIAC and let us hear the voicemail?

Tape reels are still spinning up.
Like yours.  Only different.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #61 on: April 13, 2009, 09:13:28 AM
"Hello this is a late night census, and I'm just trying to take a poll of who is the bigger douchebag: Luke or um... other participants of my *giggle* poll... namely Kyle or Dylan... who is a bigger douche?Luke, Dylan or Kyle?  Press one for Luke, press two for Dylan, three for Kyle and leave your name after the beep" *drunken giggle turns to loud laughter* "awww fuck..." *hangs up*

For the record, Kayne West has stepped forward as the hugest douche.
Like yours.  Only different.



Re: 2am phone message Reply #62 on: April 13, 2009, 10:36:56 AM
Actually I'd say he was pretty cool for admitting he knows how to be an asshole.

So you're still the largest douche. And Kyle is the biggest.
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: 2am phone message Reply #63 on: April 13, 2009, 11:35:59 AM
Kyle is a a wonderful person with many redeeming qualities. He's a swetheart, I mean.
you treat me like a monologue ho



Re: 2am phone message Reply #64 on: April 13, 2009, 11:42:47 AM
You know I'd never spoil a running gag without good reason but

OMG WOMAN GET YOUR LIPS OFF HIS COCK YOU'RE MAKING US ALL ILL!!!
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: 2am phone message Reply #65 on: April 13, 2009, 11:56:22 AM
He sent a text to me yesterday that said "Happy Res-erection Day." Isn't that cute?  :D
« Last Edit: April 13, 2009, 11:56:48 AM by tricky »
you treat me like a monologue ho



Re: 2am phone message Reply #66 on: April 13, 2009, 12:08:42 PM
Ain't he just the wittiest lil fuckhead?
No Nyarlathotep, no chaos...
KNOW NYARLATHOTEP, KNOW CHAOS!



Re: 2am phone message Reply #67 on: April 13, 2009, 06:00:45 PM
"Hello this is a late night census, and I'm just trying to take a poll of who is the bigger douchebag: Luke or um... other participants of my *giggle* poll... namely Kyle or Dylan... who is a bigger douche?Luke, Dylan or Kyle?  Press one for Luke, press two for Dylan, three for Kyle and leave your name after the beep" *drunken giggle turns to loud laughter* "awww fuck..." *hangs up*

No, Kanye West is a gay fish ...

For the record, Kayne West has stepped forward as the hugest douche.
He sent a text to me yesterday that said "Happy Res-erection Day." Isn't that cute?  :D

Odd, he sent that to me as well ...
BOOYA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Quote from: bagman, 04-29-2002 04:35 PM
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!

|)__/)
(='.'=) This is the signature bunny. He's hard-fucking-core!
('')_('')



Re: 2am phone message Reply #68 on: April 14, 2009, 08:19:10 AM
And you instantly got wood...