Dear dirty hippies, I've been showering daily for thirty some years now, and you can't convince me that soap is going to hurt me. Thanks for listening, (_)_)===D
<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE<Donut[AFK]> INSULT<Eurakarte> RETORT<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS
<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars<Cthon98> ********* see!<AzureDiamond> hunter2<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******<Cthon98> thats what I see<AzureDiamond> oh, really?<Cthon98> Absolutely<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******<AzureDiamond> awesome!<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.
<Eticam> I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm<Eticam> And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then<Eticam> When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass<Eticam> Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat<Eticam> The girl started crying and left class ^^
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?BritneySpears14: Aight.bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.bloodninja: Me too baby.BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.BritneySpears14: Hey...bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.bloodninja: Baby?--------------BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.eminemBNJA: Oh ****BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.eminemBNJA: Oh ****eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.quit: (DeadMansHand)<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lastsjoin: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)<PeteRepeat> fucking ken<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.quit: (PeteRepeat)<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was
Haha I'm gonna get some punani soon ya fucks!
Look dude, there's only one thing I like that starts with Hot Black Co- and it doesn't end in 'ffee'.
Arent you meant to be dead?
Is there any new and original stuff?
<FLoYD> CHILD: Dad, where did I come from?<FLoYD> DAD: Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!.. Listen........<FLoYD> Dad and mom met in a chat room on the net. I set up a meeting with<FLoYD> your mom and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber Cafi. Then,<FLoYD> mom did some downloads from dads memory stick and when dad<FLoYD> was ready to upload, we discovered that there was no firewall. Seeing<FLoYD> that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just carried on doing the upload.<FLoYD> Nine months later, the virus appeared!.<FLoYD> CHILD: Huh?
<DooD> All of the Kmart's in iraq will be closed, and reopen as Targets in the next two weeks...
atria ventric: so my life is completeCrikers042: whys that?atria ventric: because dayatria ventric: i heard two gay guys shopping for a vaccuumatria ventric: 'but i bet this one sucks better'atria ventric: 'but this one will go for longer'atria ventric: 'go longer? what for? you get dirty you take it out you turn it on and you're done'atria ventric: 'i mean its fun while it lasts sure but its nothing serious'
<RageFury> 1-800-Wheelchair.com looking for Web Dev. ASAP (Williamsburg, Brooklyn)<RageFury> I guess they will be interested in server side push technologies.<RageFury> Their clients can't move themselves.
<Soybomb> On the way home yesterday, I saw a car with a vanity plate that read: LINUX OS<Soybomb> I really wished for a truck with a WINDOWS plate to ram it...sadly, no.<Druuna> unfortunately, you'd probably crash before hitting it...
<@pr3x3l> my sister goes to emory<@Blaxthos> is she hot ?<@pr3x3l> we think she's a lesbian dude<@Blaxthos> what's her number ?<@Blaxthos> i'll finalize the decision for her
<@wickedsun> I dont know the difference between games and reality anymore<@wickedsun> I jsut used a shotgun on my mother and she's not respawning
<Abstract> must be nice to have an employer who pays you<lophyte> it is..<lophyte> your employer don't pay you?<Abstract> nah my clients suck major ass<Abstract> and i hate them<lophyte> lol<Abstract> and the only thing i will ever code for them again is a spoon so they can eat my ass
<LB|homework> holy fuck, this log in my ass is no longer just a pieceful log floating in assjuices, its somehow become a battaring ram of "holy fuck i got to go"
<wild> whats the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus?<wild> it only takes one nail to hang a picture of jesus
* Inferno has joined #Depressed<Inferno> fuck i hate thos faggots, all walkin down the street together<Inferno> and holdin hands an shit<Inferno> its fucken sick<Inferno> fuck what i wouldnt give for some head right now<Inferno> i wonder if my flatmate will oblige <nerfBoy> is she hot?<Inferno> he and yeah he is alright<Iverson> WTF?! i thought you were homophobic<Inferno> whats that?<Iverson> you hate gays..<Inferno> yeah i do..<Iverson> you want ur MALE flatmate to give you head..<Inferno> yeah and? fags only do anal..<Iverson> im not touching your issues with a 40 foot pole.
<ChangWufei> it was well funny when we all went in a gay bar, they all just stared at us<ChangWufei> hehe<loveya> u went in a gay bar???<ChangWufei> yeah, we didnt realise at first<astrotrain> what... that you were gay?
<@jeric> If i cloned myself, changed the y chromosome to an x chromosome, and then had sex with her, would it be masturbation, or incest?
*** Now talking in #christian-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21<Word_of_God> Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)<Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...
<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus is created when you masturbate in the bath and your sister falls pregnant by then bathing in the same water.<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus would blind and cripple random people. And give them leprosy.<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus crucified the entire Roman Empire.<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus makes you die for his sins.<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus can sink in water.<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus can turn wine into water.<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus dares you to stone whores if you're sinner.<Dharkbayne> He was born in a cave on Easter and was killed in a shootout on Christmas eve when three kings finally tracked him down for outstanding debts of gold and spices.
<parucha> So the other night I can't sleep, so I go downstairs and pour a bowl of cereal and decide I'll eat it in my room while I watch Conan.<parucha> After I pour my cereal, I turn the lights back off and it's pitch black as I walk up the stairs to my bedroom.<parucha> By the way, I'm only wearing a pair of silk shorts.<parucha> So I'm trying to balance my bowl of cereal in the dark so I don't spill, thinking I'm doing okay. When I reach the top of the stairs, the bowl tips and I feel it spill all over my shorts.<parucha> So I walk back downstairs to grab a rag and clean up. I find a roll of paper towels and I pick up all the cereal inside it and walk downstairs to throw it away and put my bowl in the sink.Then I start to clean up the milk on the floor and on my shorts.<parucha> Well this is near my parents' bedroom, and as I'm cleaning, I hear them having sex. Being male, I start to get an erection at the sounds of sex, despite the fact that I know it's my parents having the sex.<parucha> So I try to tune it out and hurry up with the spilt milk. In the midst of all this, I start to have a coughing fit. A result of being a smoker.<parucha> A minute later, my mom opens her bedroom door - wrapped in a blanket - and sees me standing there with an erection bulging through my shorts, which are still wet with a seeping liquid, and a paper towel in my hand dripping white stuff, all outside her bedroom door where she and my dad were just having sex.<parucha> I've never thought seriously about running away from home until that night.
<dranyam> It's nature. How do you make nature against the fucking law? It grows everywhere. Serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying to God made a mistake. You know what I mean, it's like God on the seventh day looked down on his creation:<dranyam> "There it is, my creation, perfect and holy in all ways. Now, I can rest."<dranyam> [Mimes God looking around - spotting pot]<dranyam> "Oh my me."<dranyam> "I left fucking pot everywhere."<dranyam> "I should never have smoked that joint on the third day ..shit."<dranyam> "That was the day I created possums. Haha. Still gives me a chuckle."<dranyam> "If I leave pot everywhere that's gonna to give humans the impression they're supposed to... 'use' it."<dranyam> "(sigh)Now I have to create Republicans."
<Miss^Katie> whats the kinkiest thing you've ever done<rachhh> well before i had my first bisexual experience, i was smoking pot, and my boyfriend was licking me out and then he got my dog and my dog was licking me<Miss^Katie> what was that like?<rachhh> it was really good<rachhh> i dont think i would have done it if i knew about it though<rachhh> you ever done anything like that?<Miss^Katie> ummm not with animals
<ManicV> sleeping pills are for pussies<proto_> No no no, you take these orally.
<pleb> hey how long does it take to get back the results from a fertility test?<Ouroboros> Do you have a girlfriend?<pleb> yeah<Ouroboros> 9 months.
*** Z is now known as Zfuckinherself<Zfuckinherself> brb<Fr0gFucknBwanasMom> hmm<Fr0gFucknBwanasMom> either she's masturbating, or signing up for a Capital One Visa card
<rhsara> i had a dream about hermaphrodites.<simmoril> naked hermaphrodites?<rhsara> OF COURSE! how else are you going to tell they're hermaphrodites?
<Snoody> Banky, are you still a virgin?<Banky> Ask your mom.<Snoody> She said yes.
<Dave> Question: Is it "right" to stop registered sex offenders from registering on social networking sites?<highvoltage> Dave: where do you register to become a sex offender?* Vhata falls off his chair laughing<Dave> highvoltage: at your local church or school...<MrKen> Dave: No, that's where they hold the auditions
<Zybl0re> get up<Zybl0re> get on up<Zybl0re> get up<Zybl0re> get on up<phxl|paper> and DANCE* nmp3bot dances -<* nmp3bot dances |-<* nmp3bot dances /-<<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet
* Rage slaps phucker with his glove<@Rage> i challange you to a dule<@Phucker> I challenge you to a spelling-contest.
<mbg> if a paintballgun doesnt kill people, and is thus called a marker<mbg> so is a regular handgun a permanent marker?
<Buddy`leftBehind`Lee> My wife demanded I take her out some place expensive<Buddy`leftBehind`Lee> I took her to a gas station
<ToasterIron> guys check it out i'm going to be this awesome scientist<ToasterIron> one day i'm going to invent a base the only melts jews on contact<ToasterIron> i'll call it holocaustic<Tristain> "DO NOT CONCENTRATE"
<Aidan> If you found out a commet was about to strike Earth and you had five minutes to live, what you would do?<Alsander> You mean, who would I rape
Cochese: you're under the impression that Viagra will just give you an erectionCochese: it'll only help sustain an erection that you get from whatever gives you woodFeMHuR: so if I take Viagra but nothing turns me on nothing will happen?Cochese: correcttheho81: so there's still no hope for fat chicks? [other than Zoomie]
<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK<tatclass> er.<tatclass> hi.<andy\code> A common typo.<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.
<Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!<Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key<Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!<Judge-Mental> fuck me
DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
<Anonymous> Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.<Anonymous> Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!.” By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.<Anonymous> Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.”<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.
<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?
Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate meGarbageStan23: why?Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!GarbageStan23: oh shit!Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look everRabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...[/quoteQuote<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z<JonTG> wait, shitQuote<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today<jeebus> he was a fucken impostor<jeebus> never once moved diagonallyQuote<Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.Quote<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction sectionQuote<kylev> BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA<kylev> hahahahaha<kylev> some girl just came onto our floor<kylev> and was yelling "sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper"<kylev> i just asked her what the paper was about<kylev> and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism<`Neo> bahahahaha
<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z<JonTG> wait, shit
<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today<jeebus> he was a fucken impostor<jeebus> never once moved diagonally
<Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.
<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section
<kylev> BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA<kylev> hahahahaha<kylev> some girl just came onto our floor<kylev> and was yelling "sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper"<kylev> i just asked her what the paper was about<kylev> and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism<`Neo> bahahahaha
IronChef Foicite: well, there's a lot of reasonsIronChef Foicite: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeksIronChef Foicite: and that's if you leave them in waterIronChef Foicite: and they really only exist to be prettyIronChef Foicite: so that's like sayingIronChef Foicite: "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance"IronChef Foicite: but a potato!IronChef Foicite: potatos last for fucking ever, manIronChef Foicite: in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow shit even if you just leave them in the sackIronChef Foicite: that part alone makes it a good symbolIronChef Foicite: but there's more!IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it!IronChef Foicite: and that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you"IronChef Foicite: and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesomeIronChef Foicite: so that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you"
<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"
<ckx> women ask for it<ckx> they act all old and mature<ckx> and then you stick your cock up their ass<ckx> and they get all bitchy<ckx> "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> "The animals will hear!" bellowed the ear licking penguin as the awesomely endowed midget sucked her oozing charlies and plugged his purple middle leg into her festering cunt. <[BAC]Draxon|TWL> oops<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> wrong window<d|syztem> what the FUCK
< Alkivar> we're on our way back from partying in NYC over the weekend ... it was like sunday afternoon we're headed back west< Alkivar> we're cruisin... maybe 130-140mph< Alkivar> flew past a trooper on the side of the road< Alkivar> trooper lights up ... siren blasting ... chasing us down the highway< Alkivar> we're both like should we stop ... there's no way he can catch up to us< Alkivar> we decided to be good and stop< Alkivar> cop catches up to us ... comes out gun drawn ... pissed as hell< Alkivar> walks up to the side of the car and goes< Alkivar> "SON CAN I SEE YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE"< Alkivar> Jason pulls out his fucking pilot's license< Alkivar> cop's jaw hits the fucking ground< Alkivar> most stunned face I've ever fucking seen< Alkivar> in this practically a whimper goes "get the fuck out of here"< Alkivar> no ticket... too embarassed apparently< Alkivar> I'll never forget that day long as I live< Alkivar> I was sure we were goin to jail
<Montana> yeh but chinese for dinner.. Peking Dick FTW<Dauntless> ... LOL<Montana> omg here we go<Dauntless> Can you say bash.org?<Montana> why? so it can join the other 1 million quotes of random people saying 'i love wang.. oops typo, i meant computers.<Montana> Screw this<Montana> If i'm getting quoted I'm getting my moneys worth:<Montana> MONTY PRESENTS THE ULTIMATE QUOTE<Montana> OMFG my naked sister just ran into my room and before I could sex her she set fire/other means of destruction to my room but because Im a total geek it doesnt occur to me to get of irc and fix it. <Montana> I instead enter a conversation on computers: OMG MY COMPUTER HAS GOT A VIRUS! OH WAIT NO, ITS WINDOWS/LINUX/MAC/NORTON/AOL. Now for the obligatory Windows ME insult where the name of the product is mistaken for a pronoun for myself:<Montana> ME SO GAY! WHOOPS IT LOOKS LIKE THE INTENDED PURPOSE OF THAT STATEMENT WAS TO HIGHLIGHT MY OWN HOMOSEXUALITY WHEREAS I MEANT IT TO BE THE HOMOSEXUALITY OF THE OPERATING SYSTEM! HOW EMBARASSING!<Montana> Now for the topic of sex:<Montana> I HAVE A GF.. AND BY GF I OF COURSE MEAN A GFORCE 20MB 3.45 SYSTEM RETRO POWER MAX SUPERMAN RAPING COMPUTER STICK!<Montana> Furthermore, I make a comment as to the worth of sex but comment of my lack of sexual activity.<Montana> Hmm<Montana> I'm forgetting the most impostant part! The lack of social interaction!<Montana> OMG I just opened my blinds and the sunlight burnt and I saw this guy with a swollen chest and I was like WTF and my dad says 'thats called a girl' im like WTF IS A GIRL then i went and downloaded 50GB of porn.<Montana> </end rant><Montana> Anyways, as I said before.. dinner.. brb<Dauntless> o_o
<WiLdSeXyPrInCeSs> i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???<XeNoX> Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible bitch.
Mike3285: wtf is a palindromeMaroonSand: no its not dude
* Porter is now known as PorterWITHGIRLFRIENDWHOISHOT<Strayed> he shot his girlfriend?
<DannyB> some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet<DannyB> i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back<DannyB> and can reload from there if i die<DannyB> she was confused
sweet17: Hibloodninja: hellobloodninja: who is this?sweet17: just a someone?bloodninja: A someone I know?sweet17: nopebloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?sweet17: well sorrrrrrysweet17: I just wanted to chat with youbloodninja: why?sweet17: nevermind your an jerkbloodninja: Hey wait a minutesweet17: yes?bloodninja: look I’m sorry. I’m just a little paranoidsweet17: paranoid?bloodninja: yessweet17: of what?sweet17: me?bloodninja: No. I’m in hiding.sweet17: LOLbloodninja: Don’t fucking laugh at me!bloodninja: This shit is serious!sweet17: What are you hiding from?bloodninja: The cops.sweet17: gimme a fucking breakbloodninja: I’m serious.sweet17: I don’t get itbloodninja: The cops are after me.sweet17: For what?bloodninja: I’m wanted in three statessweet17: For???bloodninja: It’s kindof embarrasing.bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.bloodninja: Hello?sweet17: You are fucking sick.bloodninja: Send me your picture.sweet17: why?bloodninja: so I know you aren’t one of them.sweet17: One of what?bloodninja: The cops.sweet17: I’m not a cop i told youbloodninja: Then send me your picture.sweet17: hold onbloodninja: Hurry up.bloodninja: Are you there?bloodninja: fuck you, cop!sweet17: Hey sorrysweet17: I had to do something for my mom.bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.bloodninja: Weren’t you!?sweet17: thats not itbloodninja: Then what?sweet17: I don’t want to send you the picture cause I’m not prettybloodninja: Most cops aren’tsweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKSHIT!bloodninja: Then send me the picture.sweet17: fine. What’s your e-mail?bloodninja: Just send it through here.sweet17: alright *PIC*sweet17: Did you get it?bloodninja: Hold on. I’m looking.sweet17: That was me back in maysweet17: I’ve lost weight since then.bloodninja: I hope sosweet17: what?!?sweet17: that hurt my feelings.bloodninja: Did it?sweet17: Yes. I’m not that much smaller than that now.bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?sweet17: yesbloodninja: Alright let me find it.sweet17: kksbloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*sweet17: this isn’t you.bloodninja: I’ll be damned if it ain’t!sweet17: You don’t look like that.bloodninja: How the hell do you know?sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lolbloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy….bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.sweet17: Go fuck yourselfbloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picturebloodninja: Now my unit won’t get hard for a week.sweet17: I shouldn’t have sent you that picture.sweet17: You’ve done nothing but slam me.sweet17: you hurt me.bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn’t hurt me?sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!bloodninja: Why would I do that?sweet17: I can’t believe that cops are after youbloodninja: I can’t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!bloodninja: You’d break both of his legs.sweet17: You’re a fucking wanker!sweet17: I’ve been teased my whole life because of my weightsweet17: and you make fun of me when you don’t even know mebloodninja: Ok. I’m sorry.sweet17: No you aren’tbloodninja: You’re right. I’m not.bloodninja: HAARRRRR!sweet17: I’m done with youbloodninja: Aww. I’m sorry.sweet17: I’m putting you on ignorebloodninja: Wait a secbloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.bloodninja: Wanna start over?sweet17: Nobloodninja: I’ll eat your kittysweet17: You’ll what?bloodninja: You heard me.bloodninja: I said I’d eat your kitty.sweet17: I thought you said you couldn’t get it hard after seeing my picturebloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?sweet17: I’d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yesbloodninja: Well I’m not like most men.bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.sweet17: Like what?bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?sweet17: I don’t knowbloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.sweet17: I’m afraid tobloodninja: Why?sweet17: causebloodninja: cause why?sweet17: well lets seesweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me outsweet17: doesn’t that seem strange to you?bloodninja: Nopesweet17: well its strange to mebloodninja: Fine. I won’t do it if you don’t want me tosweet17: I didn’t say thatbloodninja: So is that a yes?sweet17: I guess so.bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.bloodninja: Are you willing?sweet17: What do you need me to do?bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.sweet17: bloodninja: When I start to go limp… you say “HARRRR!!!”bloodninja: ok?bloodninja: Hello?sweet17: You can’t be seriousbloodninja: Oh yes I am!bloodninja: It’s my fantasy.sweet17: this is retardedbloodninja: Do you want it or not?sweet17: Yes I want it.bloodninja: Then you’ll do it for me?sweet17: surebloodninja: Ok. Here we go.bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against thembloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.sweet17: mmmm yeahbloodninja: uh oh …going limp.sweet17: Harbloodninja: You gotta do better than that!bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRbloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.sweet17: mmmmmm you are goodbloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I fuck harderbloodninja: going limpsweet17: HARRRRRRRbloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.bloodninja: going limpsweet17: this is stupidbloodninja: …still limpbloodninja: Do it!sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRRbloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.sweet17: WTF?!?!?bloodninja: They stink really bad.sweet17: OMG STOP!!!bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly assbloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple…bloodninja: I kick you in the face!sweet17: FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!!bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin…bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.bloodninja: …going limp again.bloodninja: Hello?bloodninja: Say it!bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
<@Chin^> My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert<@Chin^> just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating<@Chin^> So she calls me a pervert again?!?<@Chin^> there is no justice in the world...
<Alanna> Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders
(Mootar) morons.(Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless(Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network(Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways(Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer
<kyourek> There was a 23% drop in temperature.<nappyjallapy> That's almost 25%!<kyourek> ... That was one of the most worthless comments I've ever heard.
<BigBurk> God i really cant stand windows me<Felacio> heh i know. i moved to win2k* Felacio sucks huge cock<Felacio> errr ME, not /me
JstWnnaHveFuN08: do you think i should call a guy friend and talk to him about my problems? or will he not care?Thilo: Here's how it works: if a guy helps you with your problems, you're obligated to give him a blowjob.JstWnnaHveFuN08: lol thanks that cheered me upThilo: No problem. That'll be one blowjob please.
<Maky> Women do:<Maky> - Piercings in the strangest places<Maky> - Tatoos everywhere<Maky> - Face liftings<Maky> - Cesarian Birth<Maky> - Liposuction<Maky> - Chirurgial reduction of the abdomen.<Maky> - Plucking of facial hair and eyebrows<Maky> - Depilation with hot wax<Maky> SO HOW CAN THEY DARE TO TELL YOU "IT HURTS" WHEN YOU ASK FOR SOME ANAL SEX?!?!?
<+ChubZee> i was watching telly this morning before i went to work<+ChubZee> and there was a discussion on about a charity that deals with teenage pregnancy<+ChubZee> which is a huge problem in the uk<+FCN|M0rlock> i can imagine<+ChubZee> and they're advocating anal sex as a form of contraception<+ChubZee> (which i'm all for)<+ChubZee> and their tag line is "one up the bum and you won't be a mum"<+ChubZee> i was almost dying laughing
Britt: I do have a boyfriend, his name's Scotty, and I touch him Frag_Fandango: Dare you to ask him for anal sex with the line 'Ream Me Up, Scotty'
<the_muss> New Game! add the word "anal" to the beginning of car names. Anal Jamboree, Anal Explorer, Anal Pulsar, Anal Prelude, Anal Adventurer, Anal Legacy, Anal Nexus, Anal Swift<pyrophoric> lol, Anal Jazz, Anal Ram, Anal Probe<iuqcaj> Anal Bandit, Anal Forester, Anal Laser, Anal Escort, Anal Sovereign, Anal Beetle, Anal Golf, Anal Samurai<the_muss> Anal Eclipse, Anal Discovery, Anal Wrangler, Anal Ambassador, Anal Vanquish, Anal Vagrant, Anal Diablo<pie> Comedy Gold... Anal Trooper<the_muss> lol<pyrophoric> lmao
<asmcoded> anal sex is like hacking <asmcoded> you go in through the backdoor and hope you dont meet a log
<Killrbyte> !googlepop "anal sex";"oral sex"<migas> - "anal sex" is more popular than "oral sex" (2220000>1360000<Video`> NO WAY<Video`> FUCK THAT SHIT<Killrbyte> Video`: Exactly.
<StmChser> Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of a nerve that connects the eyeball to the asshole? <Trilky> heh?<StmChser> It's called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life<hanzglo-> wtf?<StmChser> If you don't believe me, pulla hair from your asshole and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye]
<Kashan> I've stuck plenty of stuff up my ass and it's never been anything but apinful<Gayo> Kashan, there's a big difference between good anal sex and sticking things up your ass.
insane_elmo88: sometimes i get serious anal pressureinsane_elmo88: and i'm not sure if it's fart or shitinsane_elmo88: and sometimes i just gamble, not knowing if i'm gonna rip a humonguous fart or defecate my pantsinsane_elmo88: so far i haven't lostweaselmaster07: rofl insane_elmo88: i've shit my pants every time :pweaselmaster07: roflmao
<Zombie_Punk> You bastards wouldn't know a Clerks reference if it analy raped your mother while pouring sugar in your gastank.
<Ward> man, at work I had to demo Vista for some customers<Ward> and I was like, MAN VISTAS SO AWESOME<Ward> but XP is so much easier to use<Burty> wtf dude, you've been using XP for what.. 5 years?<Burty> thats like going from vag to anal<Burty> sure it feels different<Burty> and its a bit hard to get into at the start<Burty> but its true merit shines after a few trys
RageOmega: my gf's father yelled at me when he found out i took her virginity, i told him it wouldnt happen again and he let me off the hook
<ednos> technically, I'm not pedantic
<tttb> Why did the programmer quit his job?<tttb> because he didn't get arrays
<cpb> wonder if there's a strip club that needs a linux admin...<clockwork> i was about to balk at that but then i thought about it and realized strip clubs don't have windows
<Zygo> if you're not finding errors, you're not looking hard enough<lazy_bum> Is this some kind of woman motto?
<Drhubbard> watched this film called 'anal lesbians' the other day.<Drhubbard> they spent about half the film going through the fridge labelling everything..
<|an> ok so whos got some nice anagrams of their name then?<|an> ian hamilton<mark-> him into anal
<StmChser> Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of a nerve that connects the eyeball to the asshole? <Trilky> heh?<StmChser> It's called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life<hanzglo-> wtf?<StmChser> If you don't believe me, pulla hair from your asshole and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye
<Crowbar> yah, if you cut the ass while shaving, you might as well just stick your fingers in and rip it wide open. at least that way you can claim you were raped<Crowbar> oh man, i just woke up my wife from laughing<Knower|> <wife> what's wrong honey? <crowbar> Oh, haha, just giving the guys some advice on anal tearing. <wife> oh, alright...just keep it down. <wife> wait, WHAT?!?!
(+AeroBob): Ooh! New saying. "A Werthers Original is like anal sex..."(@Pixie|3554Y): They're both given by grandad? :O (+AeroBob): And, of course, both are best served hard.
<YyzKnicks> what is anal sex anyway, when you think about it too much and get neurotic? Ohh, you mean butt sex
<TurboYoda> what is bash.org?<TurboYoda> Is it suitable for Me?<fezm0nkey> Its a gay sex site.<fezm0nkey> Hardcore anal fun.<TurboYoda> I'll visit it when nobody's home
<fox1023> Anyone know that analogy between baseball and how far you go with a girl?<missy13> Yea, where like 1st base is kissing etc?<fox1023> Yea thats the one.<fox1023> I was wondering. What do you call stealing home?<missy13> ...<missy13> Probably rape.
<Kortney> Actually, Linux users and atheists have a lot in common. At least, in my mind. There's no higher power (or help desk) to appeal to when stuff goes south, you've analyzed every component of the universe (because you compiled it), and you're fiercely evangelical while bashing evangelicals.
<x`fearless> whoever's turn it is says like "never have I ever done this..." and if you've done it u gotta drink<x`fearless> omg some girl was like never have I ever had anal sex and 3 girls at the table drank I'm like OMGOMGOMG