Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I'll post more as I see 'em!

wow


All those awkward breakups and I never thought of this

Yeah me too. But most of the women I've dated would win a fart lighting contest...

I don't think that would bother me so much.. but then again I am a little different than most chicks..

Good, because that's something I'd totally do.

You know, that doesn't surprise me at all.

Nor the rest of us, for that matter.

Tru'dat!

Fo' sho!

Q: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
A: Fo' drizzle!

I used to make my daughter tell that joke all the time when she was like six or seven. She never thought it was funny and couldn't understand why everyone else did.

That's pretty sweet.

How old are your kids, dude?

11, 5, and 1.5.

The 11 year old is just starting to get moody. They're all good kids though, and although they drive you crazy sometimes it's still fun. My parents were such assholes I can't imagine that I could possibly do a worse job then they did.

Fuckin'A, man. A lot of my incentive for (eventually) being a good dad is that I enjoyed such a good childhood (fairly turbulent/shitty adolescence/teen years aside) that I'd love to provide the same for my own kid some day.

I'd be a shitty dad, but still probably better than my own dad.  Either way, I don't plan on breeding, ever.

Is there where I start to believe in God so that I can thank him?

Hush, you.

hahahaha ....

kids are awesome. the ones i've got, anyway. i'm sure krsna's kids are fine. probably hilarious in that oblivious way, like mine.

Oblivious is a good thing?

it's a hilarious thing, for sure. and, yes, a good thing, at least when it comes to kids.

I wouldn't call myself an awesome dad. An adequate dad. But as Krsna said, since my own were walking feces I don't feel so bad about not being superdad.

I love my dog!

Luke told me a few weeks ago that if neither of us weren't married at 30 that we are going to get married and have a kid.  That was drunk talk, but still interesting food for thought!

Luke told me a few weeks ago that if neither of us weren't married at 30 that we are going to get married and have a kid.  That was drunk talk, but still interesting food for thought!

Was it 30?  I thought I revised it to 35.
And I sure don't remember saying I'd have a kid!

But I also wasn't sure that actually happened, so!
Did you actually clap and giggle with glee?  Because I remember that.

Yea I knew you weren't drunk enough to forget the clapping with glee, but you were drunk enough to forget the kid part.... typical.

Most drunks forget about the "kid part" ...

true! that's why i quit drinking. got tired of losing my kids everywhere i went!

Nice ...

that was actually false, obviously. geez.

Fo'Drizzle ...

Whatev's!

*sigh* ...

Hmmm ...

w3rd ...

Wait!

What?

Que?

NO!, SERIOUSLY?!?!?

Well, there's that too ...

Good point ...

I can't wait to say "w3rd" when you're fucking me. Maybe I'll wait until you finish all over my chest and then say it..

Less talkie, more bookie for suckie-assfuckie!