Tell me some good ones.

One time one of my coworkers and I were waiting for the elevator. He had pushed the button once. The elevator was taking it's sweet ass time. He started hitting the button over and over really hard. I said, not even thinking about it, "If you beat it harder it will come up faster." It was funny...

A couple stupid pickup lines I've used:
Do you like Ensure?
How do you feel about the U.N.?

 

You steal that ensure one off of Carolyn, or are you looking for old-balls money?

I never use pick up lines for my own benefit.

For friends, however... see below.

I'm pretty sure she tried to pick up C with those lines.  You should try:  The name's Hume.  Brit Hume.


Engineering is constant stream of innuendos, since people talk about shafts, laying pipe, etc. all day.

Engineering? Try plumbing. All the couplings and male and female adapters... and then there's "snaking out the drain".

Those two pickup lines were used on guys when Carolyn and I were hanging out. They were based off of conversations we had earlier in the night.

My latest favorite related to "green construction" is I'll develop your brown field

Engineering is constant stream of innuendos, since people talk about shafts, laying pipe, etc. all day.

Emp talking about engineering around a campfire (guy next to him = another engineer).

They were based off of conversations we had earlier in the night.

Ever been fucked in the ass by a girl?
Ever swallowed your own semen?

Those weren't pick up lines, more like "I'm trying to scare you" lines.

Why can't it be the same thing?

Why can't you STOP BEING A FAG?

Why can't you STOP BEING A FAG?

That's the best pick up line so far!

I'd totally go home with you if you used that one

Yeah I'd feel like you'd issued me a challenge. Sort of like "Prove your heterosexuality if you can!"

Ok, but why don't you contributre to this thread with your own pick up line or innuendo???

Such as, I'd like to install your plugin. I'd like to embed your youtube.

Hey lady, can I remodel your back porch?

The call button in elevators post '90s isn't connected to anything, the close door button isn't connected either.

The call button in elevators post '90s isn't connected to anything, the close door button isn't connected either.

OMG I just jizzed in my pants.

Hey lady, can I remodel your back porch?

that's awesome!

"You're hot, lets go"

&

"I wouldn't mind seeing you again at my place an hour from now"

The call button in elevators post '90s isn't connected to anything, the close door button isn't connected either.

OMG I just jizzed in my pants.

It's works on female otis staff.

that dress is very becoming on you. of course, if i were on you, i'd be coming too.

"I wouldn't mind seeing you again at my place an hour from now"

hahahaha that's a good one

Pick up lines are lame. I do enjoy innuendo though. I'm a cunning linguist when I'm inspired.

How much?

How much?

Learn that in Japanese

I saw a guy walk up next to a girl at some gallery hop, lean over, and ask "Did you fart?"

It was epic.

How much?

Learn that in Japanese

I guess I'll need to learn numbers, too?

Counting in japanese is very odd. The word you use for the number changes depending on the nature of the thing you are counting.

So you can walk into a stationary store and say "7" in one way and get seven pens (cyclindrical things) or say "7" in another way and get seven sheets of paper (broad, flat things).

I'm not sure how this translates into picking up hookers. But I'd be careful in the brothel. You may end up with a three-way with two dudes if you say "2 cylindrical things"

At a party once my buddy Mike's first words to some chick he didn't know were, "So you're pregnant huh?" She wasn't, and didn't look it. I think he overheard some conversation and thought she was the subject of it.

Anyway, she had sex with him that night.

Counting in japanese is very odd. The word you use for the number changes depending on the nature of the thing you are counting.

So you can walk into a stationary store and say "7" in one way and get seven pens (cyclindrical things) or say "7" in another way and get seven sheets of paper (broad, flat things).

I'm not sure how this translates into picking up hookers. But I'd be careful in the brothel. You may end up with a three-way with two dudes if you say "2 cylindrical things"

Koreans use count markers that way. And they have both Korean and Chinese (Sino) numbers which they use specifically but not interchangeably. The counters are different for each language. And the marker for flat things could apply to a sheet of paper or a pane of glass. But only large flat things. Small flat things like movie tickets use a totally different word, which again, is available in Korean or Sino.

It's a fuck lot to remember.

yeah it is. I was doing really well in Japanese until the numbers lessons. That and all the relationals (in, at, on, of) is what killed it for me. I never made it to Japanese 3.

Stop getting off topic in my thread.

I'd like to off-topic your thread. hubba hubba.

Counting in japanese is very odd. The word you use for the number changes depending on the nature of the thing you are counting.

So you can walk into a stationary store and say "7" in one way and get seven pens (cyclindrical things) or say "7" in another way and get seven sheets of paper (broad, flat things).

I'm not sure how this translates into picking up hookers. But I'd be careful in the brothel. You may end up with a three-way with two dudes if you say "2 cylindrical things"

I'd imagine that with the first example you'd get a busty hooker, and in the second you'd get a flat-chested one?

"Hey. I'm rich."

Counting in japanese is very odd. The word you use for the number changes depending on the nature of the thing you are counting.

So you can walk into a stationary store and say "7" in one way and get seven pens (cyclindrical things) or say "7" in another way and get seven sheets of paper (broad, flat things).

I'm not sure how this translates into picking up hookers. But I'd be careful in the brothel. You may end up with a three-way with two dudes if you say "2 cylindrical things"

I'd imagine that with the first example you'd get a busty hooker, and in the second you'd get a flat-chested one?

Variety, my friend, variety.

No, just from the context ofthe question, man ...

fuck the question...

Doesn't underclass work in finance (visits brothels) and speak fluent Japanese? I'm sure he could coach Bagman in exactly which "two, please" to say to the madam so he gets what he wants.

Whether or not he'd intentionally tell him the wrong thing to say is anyone's guess.

Kyle still hasn't messaged me with his trip details....

chickity chicken chook

"Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cuz I can see myself in your pants."

Kyle still hasn't messaged me with his trip details....

chickity chicken chook

Arrested developments?

"I found a recipe for pumpkin flan that will just melt in your mouth."
"I'll melt in your mouth.  ...  Oh, I'm just so bad at introductions!  My name's Steve."

"youre ugly, wanna fuck?"

"I WANT TO PUT MY PENIS IN YOU"

That restraining order was cute.

"Ever seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre?"

"Hey, do you like candy?  I have some in my van."

I hear that one works on C. She likes candy a lot.

*scribbles furtively in notebook*

"Hey, do you like candy?  I have some in my van."

Puppies, too.

"Hey, do you like candy?  I have some in my van."

Puppies, too.

Weed and beer, for you. 

Candy, puppies, and funny stories.

A friend and I have discussed putting together an all-teenage-goodtime-girl noise band to be known as "Van Candy".

We can't start auditions until we actually have a van, unfortunately.

The girls youre looking for have cams. No need to wait.

A friend and I have discussed putting together an all-teenage-goodtime-girl noise band to be known as "Van Candy".

We can't start auditions until we actually have a van, unfortunately.

With people abandoning large vehicles in droves, I'd have though van's are easy to find and inexpensive...

But for a real van, you want one of these:

With its supersexy interior...

Something to look untill the links are fixed.

That's the most flagrant display of bad taste ever.

McCar or the Sandman?

Australians arent known for their refined tastes...

McCar or the Sandman?

Australians arent known for their refined tastes...

right

is this going to turn into a paul hogan thread too?

I meant the McCar.

The Sandman car is awesome! All it needs is an atomatic ruphie dispenser and it would be perfect.

is this going to turn into a paul hogan thread too?

I hope not.

That's not a van...

THIS is a van...

That's the most flagrant display of bad taste ever.

I have a question, and i get the feeling the answer will be "both".

That's not a van...

THIS is a van...

That's not a van...

This is a van...

PS?

That's not a van...

THIS is a van...

Don't laugh, it's bigger than your clit.

W
T
F

holy shit, that's a van

Yes. That is a van.

That van would be the kind of tour van that had gatorade bottles full of piss in it.

So what you're saying is that it would be a tour van?

Oh, you're a student?  How would you like to get a PHD in your spare time?

That's not a van...

THIS is a van...

Didnt Ted Bundy once own this?

No, Dahmer ...
He got it at an auction from the Gacy estate ....

Dahmer used his apartment... and Gacy used his crawlspace. And they were fags.

Bundy was a real man.

I'm a Ramirez fan myself.

Of course you are. He fucked old broads too.

Like 90 year olds.

We know you do, dude.

Hey, they can take their teeth out.

GumJob ...

Do you gag easily?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Do you have a strong tongue?

Obviously a Ramirez van. See the wheelchair lift?

Back to the pick up lines...

"STFU bitch! If anybody hears you you're fucking dead! FUCKING DEAD!!!"

"Ever been fucked in the ass by a girl? Ever swallowed your own semen?"

"You remind me of fast food"
(Why?)
"Because I wanna take you out........and then I wanna eat you in my car"

I just lost my job, and all I have left is this $20 bill.  What can I get for that?

"Ever been fucked in the ass by a girl? Ever swallowed your own semen?"

That's the one that gets your clothing soiled.

"Well now, the problem is that if you can't come up with a reason for me not to, I'm going to have to take you down to the station and we're going to have to process you, there'll be holding cells and all that, and unfortunately it all takes a looooong time. So... Got any ideas?"

"Well now, the problem is that if you can't come up with a reason for me not to, I'm going to have to take you down to the station and we're going to have to process you, there'll be holding cells and all that, and unfortunately it all takes a looooong time. So... Got any ideas?"

THAT is a good one.

This crazy guy at the laundromat once told me he was the son of jesus. He told me that I had AIDS and that he could cure me, but that it would be painful.
That's gotta have been an attempt at a pick up line, yeah?

Only one way to find out.

"Well now, the problem is that if you can't come up with a reason for me not to, I'm going to have to take you down to the station and we're going to have to process you, there'll be holding cells and all that, and unfortunately it all takes a looooong time. So... Got any ideas?"

Artie Lange's dirty cop pal:

Well, see, I can take care of you but, uh, *glances down* you gotta take care of the kid...

this guy came over to me wednesday night at the local watering hole, said hi and introduced himself, asked my name (which is sarah whenever a stranger asks). so then he said something like "i'm not going to play games, i want to know if you have a boyfriend who's big enough to kick my ass if i start hitting on you."

That's pretty funny

this guy came over to me wednesday night at the local watering hole, said hi and introduced himself, asked my name (which is sarah whenever a stranger asks). so then he said something like "i'm not going to play games, i want to know if you have a boyfriend who's big enough to kick my ass if i start hitting on you."

Sweet. Maybe you could start giving out my number, too, and see how many are willing to go long distance for some touch.

*Looks at Drugmoth*

Sweet. Maybe you could start giving out my number, too, and see how many are willing to go long distance for some touch.

Don't go all Hilary Clinton now, she didn't say you were Sarah Mascara from Yabo St in Jugville, MI.

Nice yabos, can I motorboat them?

This site has EVERYTHING, upon further inspection ...

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML

Thrash looks in the correct direction.

this guy came over to me wednesday night at the local watering hole, said hi and introduced himself, asked my name (which is sarah whenever a stranger asks). so then he said something like "i'm not going to play games, i want to know if you have a boyfriend who's big enough to kick my ass if i start hitting on you."

Yeah I've always wanted to go this route. Your noncommittal reporting of this incident leaves me with nothing, katie. Does this approach work?

On a related note, I asked a girl once if her boyfriend would be pissed if I brought her to a show that was coming up. I didn't actually know if she had a boyfriend, but I thought it would be a good out for her in case she wasn't into me. She said she actually didn't have a boyfriend and that she'd love to go, but then after a bit of making out at the show she tells me she just broke up with an ex and she doesn't want to get involved in anything else right now. So was my question about her boyfriend too casual and she didn't realize I was trying to pick her up or am I just a bad make out artist? I've always kind of been mystified by that incident.

Sounds like she just wanted to hang out and go to a show, but she didn't want to get married.

I wasn't bringing her to the show to select wedding music. I wanted a bit of friendly sex is all.
Anyway that doesn't really answer the question. Is it lame to ask about boyfriends? I mean it's a little contrived, but I think it's a pretty good way of asking "Are you available?" and saying "I'm interested" at the same time. Am I expecting too much to be read into what I'm asking?

EDIT: I haven't used this approach since that plan backfired, but I'm always tempted to.

Friendly sex. Heh. Angry sex is better.

Given all women have the same personality I think the answer is obvious.

Next time just ask if you can put your penis in her vagina. Whether she has a boyfriend or not... who cares?

I agree.

"Nice ass, wanna fuck?" is about as honest and to the point as you can get. Even if she doesn't really have a nice ass.

Then it really isn't that honest now, is it?

Man, you gotta go into pickin up a chick in stealth mode, and askin if she has a boyfriend isn't stealth mode.

Besides, who cares if she does anyway? Chicks pretty much go from guy to guy without much time between. Even if she does have a boyfriend it doesn't mean she's not looking for something better, so don't even ask.

As for katie's pick up line, it's funny and all but in most cases it's only going to get you someone to talk to for a few minutes. Most women want to feel like shit just happened spontaneously and they got swept off their feet by some really cool guy. By the time they're fucking they want to feel like they somehow lost themselves and wound up getting fucked by accident. That way they can rationalize it as not their fault. So, announcing off the bat that you're going to be hitting on her puts her on the spot right away. They really don't want to feel like they're some slut that can get picked up in a bar. (Yeah, yeah there are exceptions, but if they weren't exceptions we wouldn't have to work so hard at getting laid, would we?)

Anyway, that's why pickup lines are shitty. They put too much pressure on the girl, and if she ends up fucking you she'll feel like a slut about it and she's not gonna let that happen. You've preemptively shot yourself down.

Besides, who cares if she does anyway?

...unless you're interested in the boyfriend...

Well I don't want to shut off any options.

But yeah that makes a lot of sense krsna. I'll have to fight my impulses then.

Anyway, that's why pickup lines are shitty. They put too much pressure on the girl, and if she ends up fucking you she'll feel like a slut about it and she's not gonna let that happen. You've preemptively shot yourself down.

If you're bad at it.

"Hey, have you ever had your penis head bitten off during a blowjob? Wanna?"

A curt nod of the head and a politely reserved "Good evening" has worked wonders for me many a time.

good day

Ignoring a woman completely after being really polite and friendly for the first 40 seconds is another winner

I've found that no pick up line, as Balor said (kinda) works better ...

Friendly sex. Heh. Angry sex is better.

Homocidal sex is best.

Hate-fucking rules!

There's something fairly enjoyable about punching and fucking.

I've been on the receiving end of that

There's something fairly enjoyable about punching and fucking.

I've been on the receiving end of that

There's something fairly enjoyable about punching and fucking.

http://celebslam.celebuzz.com/2009/04/thatll-come-right-out-with-a-l.php

Note to Vince: Next time get a hooker with a chin. You can knock them out with one blow.

And Madeline Zima grew up cute but she has some seriously ugly feet.

Whew, that was one ugly hooker.

I want to try punching and fucking. Not me getting punched though, the other person of course.

I'll let you know when I'm that desperate.

You don't know what your missing, Zoomie.

There's something fairly enjoyable about punching and fucking.

Donkeypunching is my favorite extracurricular activity.

... and the Dirty Sanchez, however, only when done TO him!

Yeah, but what if it's something cool and thought provoking like goldfish in a blender that could be turned on? I mean, that's already been done, but surely there's something else artistic that could be done in less than 10 hours.

No. All great art takes exactly ten hours. Didn't you read that chapter in your art book?

Hey, babe.  Did you know that I'm an artist?
Wanna help me make some great art?

It only takes ten hours?

More like 10 minutes.

"Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?"

"I was talking about my rug."

"You're not interested in sex?"

"You mean coitus?"

"Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?"

"I was talking about my rug."

"You're not interested in sex?"

"You mean coitus?"

i just watched this movie for the first time last night!

Que?

I want to try punching and fucking. Not me getting punched though, the other person of course.

What about being Donkey Punched?

Who is that?  I wanna suck on those mammaries hardcore.

Dude, didnt you ever watch the nanny ? thats the youngest girl.

OMG that bitch got HAWT.  She has wonderful tits, if I do say so myself.

They're not as big or as good as mine.

I'll let you know when I'm that desperate.

Feeling desperate enough yet Zoomie?

They're not as big or as good as mine.

Or mine for that matter!

"Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?"

"I was talking about my rug."

"You're not interested in sex?"

"You mean coitus?"

i just watched this movie for the first time last night!

Whaddyafink?

Dude, didnt you ever watch the nanny ? thats the youngest girl.

I never watched The Nanny, but I did just watch the Space Ghost episode with her in it last night.

I'll let you know when I'm that desperate.

Feeling desperate enough yet Zoomie?

I'm getting there. After the funeral I have a full bottle of Tullamore and a full tank of gas.

Y'never know

Oh shit! D Y L A N is going to break out his Tricky suit and high tail it down to NYC!

Hmmmm ...
I say it's a setup ...

Tricky'll lure the both of them into a dark room, get 'em started, and slip out of the room without them knowing ...

She knows that with Zoomie's alcohol intake, and Dylan's drug intake it'll actually work out for her to record her cherished man-on-man love shit ...

I just really want to punch and fuck.

I am so there.

I can wear my Lamellar though right?

Absolutely not.

I just really want to punch and fuck.

in the face?

It's fun to face fuck her while she's crying.

in the face?

In the face would be fun but I doubt people would really be into getting punched in the face.

Whaddyafink?

I liked it! I'd tried to watch it on TV a few times but, uh, obviously it's one of those movies that doesn't translate well to the land of censorship.

Oh man, I can't even imagine trying to watch a censored version.

Here's the opposite:

The Big Lebowski - F_cking Short Version

hahahahahaha ....

I just really want to punch and fuck.

Eh what the hell. As long as you're dancing on my man muscle it's all good. You're tiny, what harm could you do? I'll probably sleep through the first half anyway...

Ohohohoh, I get it ...

How tiny is she, Zoomie?

hahahaha .....

As small as your dick

OK so now I don't have to rent TBL, I've seen the best parts.

I'm deflated, and on many levels at the moment ...

Si, that Big Lebowski video is great. As soon as you think it jumped the shark it just gets better!

*gleams*

this entire thread
http://loaded-gun.com/index.php?topic=536.60

There's a time and a place for them. The time is never. You can figure out the place on your own.

-the Most Interesting Man in the World on pickup lines

"If I flip a coin, what are the chances of me getting head?"