I am bored. Somehow I got the idea that I should post an ad on CL saying I have my period and want to get laid. I do not actually want to have sex with a random CL person, I was just curious to see if a stranger would want to fuck a girl on the rag.

The ad (sounds a bit like me but I changed the details):

"Are there any guys out there willing to surf the crimson tide? I want to get stuffed up, but I have my period. It's a heavy day too.

Any takers? I can host.

I'm 5'5", 120lbs, brunette with hazel eyes. I'm very kinky too (and a real person! not a pro or a bot).

Looking forward to some fun!"

Replies:

"Hi. 29 6 2 190 6 and  love to fuck! White kinky guy holla back"
______________________
"Hey my name is ***** and im 21 years old.  I read your post and im definitely interested, and up for trying anything, so im sure me and you could have a good time together.  So email me back and we could talk more."
______________________
"im up for period sex.. any pics?"
______________________
"woohoo, let's go..."
______________________
"id like to part the red sea....
______________________

My personal favorite:

"hey its that time of the month huh??
i'll def fuck you bloody hole all night long,
hit me bac

-***"

Ewww.  You so dirty.

Why? Like I said I don't actually want to hook up with any random CL peoples.

No, I mean just for typing that.

Why? Like I said I don't actually want to hook up with any random CL peoples.  But I'd like to get to know that 21 year old.  Hot.

It's brilliant!

Well, no, it's not brilliant but I can't promise to ever produce anything brilliant ever... so... yeah. It's very slightly entertaining.

I am bored. Somehow I got the idea that I should post an ad on CL saying I have my period and want to get laid. I do not actually want to have sex with a random CL person, I was just curious to see if a stranger would want to fuck a girl on the rag.

Thats all they really care about. Next time try posting something that doesnt mention sexand see how many guys suggest or imply they want to fuck.  Post in a different region though.

Another reply:
"**** here how are you   would love to play an have fun   let me know  .not into games"

Brook is gonna paint the town red.

Another:
"Hello, my name is Kyle. SWM, 28 years old, live in Austin. I'm just a fun normal guy, work for a lawfirm, love going to shows and listening to music. 6" lovestick. I love menstrual blood. Please let me tongue your bloody snatch. I can host (I have my own condo). I can make you come several times. Let's meet up for drinks."

HAHAHAHA

"Well when it comes to period sex, yes it tends to get messy...But at
least I know you'll never get dry, your walls will be extremely
moist...Plus I always like to think of it as role playing, almost like
I'm defloring you...Now you mention being very kinky, does that
include some backdoor action...By the way, I prefer hosting..."

This is why CL isnt an option for me.

http://brisbane.craigslist.com.au/w4m/

and this is why women will never bother with it

http://brisbane.craigslist.com.au/m4w/1118712201.html

there is something wrong with that bacon.

Bacon! Gimme!

Someone thinks they are funny:

"i've always wondered what bloody snatch tastes like.
 
i have got a nice cock for your gaping red dwarf. the thought of blood running down my shaft turns me on more than the thought of fucking my neighbor's dog in the ass again; i'm tired of the yelping. one of these time's i'm going to get caught.
 
after we're done, i want to draw little nasty red drawings on your tits and back with the tip of my dick. i like bloody canvases. the heavier flow, the better.
 
- kyle"

o_o

Someone thinks they are funny:

"i've always wondered what bloody snatch tastes like.
 
i have got a nice cock for your gaping red dwarf. the thought of blood running down my shaft turns me on more than the thought of fucking my neighbor's dog in the ass again; i'm tired of the yelping. one of these time's i'm going to get caught.
 
after we're done, i want to draw little nasty red drawings on your tits and back with the tip of my dick. i like bloody canvases. the heavier flow, the better.
 
- kyle"

You forgot the picture!

I'm using mailcatch.com so I didn't see a picture.

Another:
"whats up hun, i'm ****** from ******.. i am very interested in your ad...i'm 26 yrs old ,italian male, very clean cut, 160 lbs, athletic build, handsome , calm and laid back and easy going person. i am down for some excitement as well. I also have nice lips and a gorgeous smile. I sent a pic, i hope that you like it. I have more to send as well if your interested in me. 
Honestly i feel i have something different to offer than any other men on here, so if you give me a chance you will see that and i promise you wont regret it.i look forward to hearing from you. So email me back as soon as you can or give me a cal at ********** so we can talk further and maybe take things from there.hopefully i will hear from you soon... "

"something different to offer" I'm thinking tranny??

These guys have no game in their responses. You have to be like WHAM and stun the girl into wanting to find out more.

Example:

The Ad:

I'm a sweet girl but feeling really worthless and suicidal right now. I really need to get out of this house or I'm going to lose it I'm sure most of you have lives and jobs to wake up to in the morning but if you're going to be up all night maybe you'd like to hang out. Do you have an abundance of alcohol that you're willing to share? If you do this for me, pick me up and get me drunk, I can at least promise that I'll be nice and a good listener (though most likely really shy) and I could give you a fantastic back massage if you like....

My response:

Hey! You're in luck - I have Monday off!
 
I'm still up, and fairly bored. I should be sleeping -- just got back from Tokyo today, and sort of exhausted, but I just can't sleep. And when I can't sleep... naturally my thoughts turn to craigslist haha.
 
Anyway, if you're up for hanging out let me know. I've got some wine, liquor, cable tv, two funny cats, a comfortable couch, and will make you feel less worthless and definitely not suicidal.
 
Picture attached - hit me back if interested, and we'll work out the details/I'll come pick you up.
If I don't hear back before within an hour or so I am assuming you're either asleep, committed suicide already (hopefully not haha), not interested, or already giving another guy a back massage and his place.
 
- Kyle

You call that stun ? I call that a shopping list reply.

Wow Kyle, you're fucking smooth.

Hahahahaha fascinating. Strange how strong the sex drive is for males.

When I see posts like that I just assume they are, as some might say "taking the piss", or,
I might just think,



Either way, I just wouldn't be interested in responding.  But I actually do like sluts so go figure.

You call that stun ? I call that a shopping list reply.

I wasn't afraid to show her I thought her 'suicidal' crap was just a ploy for attention. It worked.

Just because I wanted to know -- I asked her how many replies she'd gotten and she said she couldn't count. So mine stuck out, brah.

You call that stun ? I call that a shopping list reply.

I wasn't afraid to show her I thought her 'suicidal' crap was just a ploy for attention. It worked.

Just because I wanted to know -- I asked her how many replies she'd gotten and she said she couldn't count. So mine stuck out, brah.

Maybe not the reply, but the shopping list it included, brah.

yeah, good list of things you have at your apartment, and offering to drive.

that gets the 16 year olds every time.

I wasn't afraid to show her I thought her 'suicidal' crap was just a ploy for attention. It worked.

even though you said it wasn't just a ploy for attention, and that it looked like she really tried.
ah, fuck it.  revisionist bullshit.

I wasn't afraid to show her I thought her 'suicidal' crap was just a ploy for attention. It worked.

even though you said it wasn't just a ploy for attention, and that it looked like she really tried.
ah, fuck it.  revisionist bullshit.

You're falling off the wagon, in your buzzed-not-quite-drunk-yet, pre-stupor.

It's true. I banged a suicidal 18 year old, who posted an ad on Craigslist. She showed me the cuts on her left wrist (which she had covered up with a fabric bracelet thing -- I didn't think she was REALLY suicidal when I responded to her ad and picked her up). I thought girls just got antsy sometimes. I told her the correct way is to slice downwards, and not across... she laughed (and got my humor). I also told her about the Suicide Forest in Japan. See - I knew it was just a cry for help.

To be honest, any reply that includes capital letters, proper punctuation and decent grammar stands out. Immediately offering up pictures is good, too, but it would seem too pushy to send out a reply with a phone number unless it was specifically requested in the original ad.

wutr u talkin about u dont need proper gramer to impress a girl

omg i nkow typng normaly isnt impertint

I shall never get laid.

Me neither!

Me neither!

*ahem*

I shall never get laid.

*ahem*

what

Me neither!

I bet you get laid before I.

Me neither!

I bet you get laid before I.

And you before I!

I shall never get laid.

*ahem*

what

If you can't figure it out, never mind.

Maybe she doesn't want to figure it out.

if I'm online then I'm either bored or procrastinating

Maybe you should do some CL experiments, then.

I shall never get laid.

*ahem*

what

If you can't figure it out, never mind.

And if YOU cant figure it out, then never YOU mind!

I'm not .. My eyes must be going on me.... umm. hmm

It's true. I banged a suicidal 18 year old, who posted an ad on Craigslist. She showed me the cuts on her left wrist (which she had covered up with a fabric bracelet thing -- I didn't think she was REALLY suicidal when I responded to her ad and picked her up). I thought girls just got antsy sometimes. I told her the correct way is to slice downwards, and not across... she laughed (and got my humor). I also told her about the Suicide Forest in Japan. See - I knew it was just a cry for help.

This is from an "Eric":

"Hey Babe- stick a Tampon in and you"ll be stuffed-"

It's true. I banged a suicidal 18 year old, who posted an ad on Craigslist. She showed me the cuts on her left wrist (which she had covered up with a fabric bracelet thing -- I didn't think she was REALLY suicidal when I responded to her ad and picked her up). I thought girls just got antsy sometimes. I told her the correct way is to slice downwards, and not across... she laughed (and got my humor). I also told her about the Suicide Forest in Japan. See - I knew it was just a cry for help.

Slither on!

She was definitely suicidal, but I didn't know that until later after she took her scrunchie wrist band/bracelet thing off. BUT... your entire argument, is based on my first post.

I wasn't afraid to show her I thought her 'suicidal' crap was just a ploy for attention. It worked.

Which, is in fact wholly and totally true. I didn't think she was really suicidal at that point. 

There that's much better!

I think I love you.

haha, nice edit.

She was definitely suicidal, but I didn't know that until later after she took her scrunchie wrist band/bracelet thing off. BUT... your entire argument, is based on my first post.

My argument is that you were wrong in your initial assumptions.

Wait... the girl actually went to Kyle's house?  I didn't know that. I didn't think people actually hooked up from CL, I thought it was just for fun.  Gosh! I feel foolish!

This one is hilarious:

need thick cocks for possible gangbang - w4m - 25 (melbourne)
Reply to: pers-e7pg3-1136053277@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-23, 11:22PM EST


I'm a BBW who can't be satisfied by anything less than monster cocks. Seriously, in the past I've had to get male partners to fist me just to get me off because their dicks were too small.

Before you get too excited and hit the reply button - EVEN SLIGHTLY ABOVE AVERAGE SIZED COCKS ARE TOO SMALL FOR ME.

I'm looking for the guys who have had problems with girls in the past because they're too big for them. I'm looking for guys who need to buy trojan magnum condoms.

If you're going to email me and go on about how huge you are and how you've satisfied so many girls because of your size... you're too small. If you're really the size of cock I want, you've had girls in PAIN when trying to fuck. You've had girls turn you down because your cock is too big. You've been frustrated because you can't get your size condom at the supermarket or even most sex stores.

And if you think I'm talking about length? Your cock is probably too small. Plenty of guys have long cocks. Vaginas aren't that deep, so finding cocks that are too long or long enough is pretty easy. I need THICK cocks.

If you've had trouble getting your cock into a girl, I want to hear from you.

And if you think that you're doing me a favour because your cock is god's gift? ... your cock is too small. Seriously. Guys with the size of cock I need have a lot of trouble because of it. They can't fuck most girls.

I don't care how old you are, what race you are, whether your disabled or not, or any of that crap. All I care about is your cock size.

The rules:

No condom, no sex.

No kissing.

Send me a photo of your hard cock, preferably next to something so I can guage its size properly (like a $5 note or a ruler or something).

No anal or oral. I lie there, you fuck my cunt until you come, the end. You are not under any obligation to make me cum.

You gotta be willing to share and be able to get it up with other guys either in the same room or the room next door - this will be a gangbang situation. One after the other until you're all done.

If I don't get more than 5 good responses it won't be happening.

    * Location: melbourne
    * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

   
   
PostingID: 1136053277

Wait... the girl actually went to Kyle's house?  I didn't know that. I didn't think people actually hooked up from CL, I thought it was just for fun.  Gosh! I feel foolish!

I think most of the hooking up takes place in cars and alleys and crap. So, good on Kyle for being a classy dude.

and by class i mean creepy.

This one is hilarious:

need thick cocks for possible gangbang - w4m - 25 (melbourne)
Reply to: pers-e7pg3-1136053277@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-23, 11:22PM EST


I'm a BBW who can't be satisfied by anything less than monster cocks. Seriously, in the past I've had to get male partners to fist me just to get me off because their dicks were too small.

Before you get too excited and hit the reply button - EVEN SLIGHTLY ABOVE AVERAGE SIZED COCKS ARE TOO SMALL FOR ME.

I'm looking for the guys who have had problems with girls in the past because they're too big for them. I'm looking for guys who need to buy trojan magnum condoms.

If you're going to email me and go on about how huge you are and how you've satisfied so many girls because of your size... you're too small. If you're really the size of cock I want, you've had girls in PAIN when trying to fuck. You've had girls turn you down because your cock is too big. You've been frustrated because you can't get your size condom at the supermarket or even most sex stores.

And if you think I'm talking about length? Your cock is probably too small. Plenty of guys have long cocks. Vaginas aren't that deep, so finding cocks that are too long or long enough is pretty easy. I need THICK cocks.

If you've had trouble getting your cock into a girl, I want to hear from you.

And if you think that you're doing me a favour because your cock is god's gift? ... your cock is too small. Seriously. Guys with the size of cock I need have a lot of trouble because of it. They can't fuck most girls.

I don't care how old you are, what race you are, whether your disabled or not, or any of that crap. All I care about is your cock size.

The rules:

No condom, no sex.

No kissing.

Send me a photo of your hard cock, preferably next to something so I can guage its size properly (like a $5 note or a ruler or something).

No anal or oral. I lie there, you fuck my cunt until you come, the end. You are not under any obligation to make me cum.

You gotta be willing to share and be able to get it up with other guys either in the same room or the room next door - this will be a gangbang situation. One after the other until you're all done.

If I don't get more than 5 good responses it won't be happening.

    * Location: melbourne
    * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

   
   
PostingID: 1136053277

...

you should go

Kyle should go to the gang-bang?  What, to clean up?

Good thing about Australian hook up sites have full frontal nudity and XXX content.

I put an add on craigslist. If it's good enough for tricky.....

"Let's do it! Or better yet, why don't I fuck your ass instead??? I'll be in ******, tonight for work, and I was just cruising CL thinking I'd love to meet a friend while I'm in town. I'm available tonight though Tuesday night. I'm 32 years old, 6'2", 210 lbs, tall, atheletic, discreet professional. Interested in getting together? You can come to my hotel tonight, or we can meet at your place, I'm pretty much up for anything."

I hope I'm only 210 pounds b ythe time i'm 32!

Then I can post about fucking people in the ass in my hotel room!

"nice posting. did you end up finding anyone? i don't LOVE doing that but i like how kinky you sound.

are you single? sane? professional? real? chill?

would love to know more...****"

You should email that dude back, he sounds cool.

No. But I'll give Kyle the guys email!

ok, I have recived my first reply, before I can even see my add listed..... they want pics...theres a pic on the add.

and the second reply is a TS. Maybe it's the pic....

Brook go with the vampire dude, think about it, even if he's nasty, after he sucks your pussy you will be immortal.  That shit would be too insane.

She would have to drink his blood ?

I would never have random sex with some guy off the internet. If I were single, I'd get me a nice battery operated wiener.

There is no thrill in "maybe he'll beat me to death, maybe he won't" for me.

I would never have random sex with some guy off the internet. If I were single, I'd get me a nice battery operated wiener.

There is no thrill in "maybe he'll beat me to death, maybe he won't" for me.

honestly, i think you're just as likely to have a one night stand you met in a bar beat you to death.

"39 yr old wm nice guy cute fun in sahpe athletic.  Would love to meet
and have surf the flow.
Can we meet tomorrow?  Or tuesday???
 
Hope to hear back"

Hear that guys? He's in sahpe athletic!

almost like I'm defloring you...

What, is he gonna replace the carpet with parquet?

almost like I'm defloring you...

What, is he gonna replace the carpet with parquet?

I'm pretty sure Zoomie could do that for you, and probably at half the price (plus liquor expenses!).

I am bored. Somehow I got the idea that I should post an ad on CL saying I have my period and want to get laid.
-***"

Uhm, I think I'll go with "You're Welcome" for this one ...

I didn't want to drag you into my lame-ness.

I met a guy off of okcupid the other night and I have noticed that when a guy says he is 5'9" he is really 5'6".  Fucking lame.  I made him meet my friend Marissa and I downtown for a laugh and I wore heels and he barely came to my chin in height.  Internet dating is shit.

I think all of us have dragged the rest of us into our lameness.

Yeah, it's ok; afterall, you were lame enough to listen to my lame idea ...
LAME!

...ll

Cool J?

ah you jerk. you ruined my post!

Yes, but ladies do love cool James.

w3rd

I would never have random sex with some guy off the internet. If I were single, I'd get me a nice battery operated wiener.

There is no thrill in "maybe he'll beat me to death, maybe he won't" for me.

honestly, i think you're just as likely to have a one night stand you met in a bar beat you to death.

I wouldn't do that either. But, I did marry the last guy I met in a bar...there was no CL back in '95...

Yes, but ladies do love cool James.

So does Ed.

Ed Byrne - LL Cool J

Funny!

"Deep in fanny batter" ...
Heh ...

I met a guy off of okcupid the other night and I have noticed that when a guy says he is 5'9" he is really 5'6".  Fucking lame.  I made him meet my friend Marissa and I downtown for a laugh and I wore heels and he barely came to my chin in height.  Internet dating is shit.

That's smart. If you know you're going to meet the god damn person, IN PERSON, why lie?

Okcupid is free, right? I am not spending $50/month on some E-harmony cockamime. *Sigh* I just need to go out I guess and meet women in real life.

I met a guy off of okcupid the other night and I have noticed that when a guy says he is 5'9" he is really 5'6".  Fucking lame.  I made him meet my friend Marissa and I downtown for a laugh and I wore heels and he barely came to my chin in height.  Internet dating is shit.

Your loss.  Myself and the rest of the 5'6" men on this planet know how to please a lady.  We have to because we get so many fewer chances than tall guys do because of preconceived notions like yours.  He's only 5'6" but he probably could have torn you in two.  I'm just saying.  Next time you get a shot with a short guy, let him dip his hand into your cookie jar.  Maybe you won't be disappointed.  I've never gotten any complaints.

Chad's lovestick is amazing!

"Hi,

Just read your ad. Still looking?    A little about me: I am French, 6 foor tall, blond and in good shape (or so I like tothink)  If you are interested, hit the reply button and let's see whereitgoes...

Frenchy

PS: I promise a longer email once I know you are for real."

Let's see WHEREITGOES!

Hehehe... *evil laugh*

I want a new friends - 21 (south austin)
Reply to: pers-u5tsh-1156560046@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-05, 8:09PM CDT


My name is boom. I'm an exchang student from Thailand for 4 month,I will come back in July.
I want to chang the great experience during I stay.
I want to find a new polite friend for suggest me everythings and take me travel around Texas.
But I speak English not well, if it's possibly can you teach me for English.
I hope to see you.

http://austin.craigslist.org/w4m/1156560046.html

Welcome to America! Oh what's that called in English? Oh that's a "cock".

Moron. She wants money for the Airfare. Why post so far in advance.

Dude, that's a ladyboy.

Hit that shit, Kyle.

That chick has a fucked up face.  I don't know if I can even condone you hitting that Kyle.

I wouldn't hit that with either of your dicks

I haven't hit anything as ugly as her (and really, it's only the nose), but I've hit much fatter. 

That chick has a fucked up face.  I don't know if I can even condone you hitting that Kyle.

I haven't hit anything as ugly as her (and really, it's only the nose), but I've hit much fatter. 

I'm missing something, she really doesn't look that bad to me.. And by not bad I meant she looks pretty to me.

maybe some of you can't tell, but that chick would totally have a moustache if she didn't wax/shave/tweeze it.

That chick is fug. I would not hit it.

Check it out! Another Thai in Austin.

My name is Lay. I am an exchang student from Thailand . I live here since March and will come back about July. I live here with my 2 loved friend that come together
I want to find a new good friend in Austin for my good memory, the first time in USA, the one who can suggest me everything.
I know I am not beautiful and speak English not fluent but I'm smily ,honestly,friendly and so fun
I hope to have a new good friend.
Lay,

http://austin.craigslist.org/w4m/1157904061.html


Hahaha their names are "Boom" and "Lay". Hmmm.

How come they are always talking about coming back in July.  I think these are mailorder bride type chicks.  Maybe you should make one your bride Kyle.

I'll pass.

I just want hot sex.

Yeah, that first one is a man...the nose is too wide to be female.

I dunno, Kyle; expand your horizons ...

I ditto the suggestion.  Maybe you will come off less creepy as "the gay friend".

Would it help in your case, as a female?

I'm using mailcatch.com so I didn't see a picture.

Another:
"whats up hun, i'm ****** from ******.. i am very interested in your ad...i'm 26 yrs old ,italian male, very clean cut, 160 lbs, athletic build, handsome , calm and laid back and easy going person. i am down for some excitement as well. I also have nice lips and a gorgeous smile. I sent a pic, i hope that you like it. I have more to send as well if your interested in me. 
Honestly i feel i have something different to offer than any other men on here, so if you give me a chance you will see that and i promise you wont regret it.i look forward to hearing from you. So email me back as soon as you can or give me a cal at ********** so we can talk further and maybe take things from there.hopefully i will hear from you soon... "

"something different to offer" I'm thinking tranny??

Funny thing; it turns out that was in her wheelhouse ...
haha ...