Loaded-Gun.Com - Anti-Social.Com's Rejects!
General Category => Sex/Gossip => Topic started by: psychopathetic on March 20, 2009, 09:01:12 PM
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before i was married i was dating a guy who lived with his grandparents. they were old and deaf and mostly they didn't know/didn't care if i stayed the night but sometimes we chose to go have sex at a rest stop in the back of his truck, or if the weather permitted, on a blanket outside.
one night, in the middle of july, we pull into the nearest rest stop and i grab a blanket from the back seat and high-tail it across the field. i'm laughing, wearing the blanket like a cape, and he's chasing after me. it's pitch black and i'm running as fast as i can and i slam HARD into a barbed wire fence. i bounce backwards about five feet and land face up in the grass. the wind is knocked out of me so i can't yell or tell the guy to stop running. of course he trips over me and lands face down on top of me.
fortunately i managed to avoid any barbs when i ran into the damn thing but i was laughing so hard i don't think we ever consummated anything that night.
a year or so before that i was dating a different guy. there was no one home at my house (which was a rarity, since there were about ten people living there at the time) so we decided to have sex on the living room floor. i'm on top of him, just going to town, i roll my head back and rest my hands against his thighs. suddenly he starts bucking around underneath me, mumbling. for a second i think he's getting REALLY into it until i open my eyes and see my fucking dog humping his face. that kinda ruined the moment.
ahh, he had a tiny penis anyway.
anyone else want to share?
danziggity, please don't re-share the old lady finger-banging story.
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no please du reshare the gilf fingerbang experience
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i think he's getting REALLY into it until i open my eyes and see my fucking dog humping his face. that kinda ruined the moment.
Dude, brest kwote eva!
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haha right. thx for putting that in the news box.
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It's gonna be a "Best Quote(s) Of The Week" box, I think ...
Yours is the first ...
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awesome. i'm going to start picking out our china patterns RIGHT NOW!
:-*
WINK
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That wink better be from the brown-eye in that case ...
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wth, i can't believe no one else is sharing. okay, here's another story.
i'm on top again, doing what i do, trying to get him to finish. he starts orgasming and he goes a little spastic, bucking and jerking around just as i lean down to catch my breath. he headbutts me in the face so hard that i fall off him, off the bed, but somehow manage to stay on my feet. my nose feels broken, i'm bleeding and everything starts to go dark around the edges.
i immediately sit down on the floor to keep myself from passing out. he's still twitching and apologizing on the bed while i'm cleaning up blood.
fortunately my nose was not broken but i did have a bit of a shiner for a few days.
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One time, at band camp ...
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one time i was kicked hard in the face when the girl on top shifted while we were 69'ing.
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I got knocked onto the bed by a pair of DD's; problem was, it was my friend throwing his girl down to fuck her ...
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one time in an oral sex mishap an errant blast of mine was de-mouthed at a poor time and flew directly into my eye which required about an hour of washing out before i could see clearly again.
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that's some nice carry though
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I got knocked onto the bed by a pair of DD's; problem was, it was my friend throwing his girl down to fuck her ...
MFM 3 way?
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Hey Nick, tell that story about the bird whose mouth you puked in...
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there we were, going at it, sort of in a kneeling missionary/her-on-top kind of thing, when my hands (holding her up from behind) slip in the sweat. she rocks backwards just enough to hit her head on the wall, which causes her to black out.
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there we were, going at it, sort of in a kneeling missionary/her-on-top kind of thing, when my hands (holding her up from behind) slip in the sweat. she rocks backwards just enough to hit her head on the wall, which causes her to black out.
i had something similar, except she headbutted me, not the wall.
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I got knocked onto the bed by a pair of DD's; problem was, it was my friend throwing his girl down to fuck her ...
MFM 3 way?
No, but it should have been ...
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Hopefully I have one of these stories soon.
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I can tell you about me and the 3 asian chicks one day ...
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Me telling my then BF while he's balls deep in me that I love him for the first time (he had told me like a few weeks earlier, he really rushed me into that relationship).
Rebound relationships are an evil necessity of life.
'Nuff said.
p.s. his cock was huge, that was a good thing
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You -=LOVE=-?!?!?!
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I know, it's hard to believe.
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ah the puke story... not sure if that's to be wasted on a message board. That's more single-malt-by-the-fireside quality of disaster tale
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ah the puke story... not sure if that's to be wasted on a message board. That's more single-malt-by-the-fireside quality of disaster tale
please add this to the November travel plans.
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waking up alone in bed at a long-ago boyfriends house, hearing some interesting gutteral groans coming from outside the door. Sounds like his roommate hurt himself in his room, which you looked directly into when you'd opened my bf's door. So of course I opened the door and it all happened so fast...as I said "chris are you ok OH just checking!" and I immediately retreated back to my safe haven. Because my boyfriends roomie was jerking it so hard, in the most unusual contorted position, watching a porno with some huge black dude railing some tiny freckly redhead. I saw everything in that split second, so I hid in the bedroom for hours waiting for him to leave so we didn't have to face eachother.
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That's not how it goes in pornos...
You're meant to blow him to ease his throbbing member pain...
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I am here to fixen einer cable...
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The story is ludicrous.
Speaking of which, the 5 second Big Lebowski last night was pretty good I though.
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I am here to fixen einer cable...
You can imagine where it goes from here...
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a porno with some huge black dude railing some tiny freckly redhead.
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Did you catch the name of it, by chance?
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It's called "Beeyot Fudgepacks ZoomieDude"
edited to add "Dude"
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Little does she know that was my name years and years ago before I dropped the dude.
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I think you should add the Dude again, dude.
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Ok, I got one. I tried to pick "J" up last night off the bathroom counter, and almost dropped her. She's got a good 30 - 50 on me. My spine hurts today.
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So she's about 170?
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I am here to fixen einer cable...
You can imagine where it goes from here...
He fixes the cable?
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Ok, I got one. I tried to pick "J" up last night off the bathroom counter, and almost dropped her. She's got a good 30 - 50 on me. My spine hurts today.
Why would you do that? The proper way to reposition a woman you're banging is with a handful of her hair.
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... or a slap/punch in the right direction
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I like to verbally belittle them into the fetal position so they can be easily rolled around.
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So one time I was doing it with this girl and my friend Mike unexpectedly came home (it was at his house and I was using his bed) and walked in on us. There were no blankets of course.
We just looked at each other for a moment, then he said, "You're doing a good job!" and grabbed his bottle of vodka from the shelf (the reason he came into the room) and let us get back to work.
I think it was like 6:30 AM.
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Makes sense. Why get pissed off and sidetrack his vodka mission, plus ruin that shit for you two? Just smile and nod and drink vodka and then change the sheets.
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That said, if any of you lot ever visit me here and then have sex in my bed, you're fuckin' swimming home.
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That said, if any of you lot ever visit me here and then have sex in my bed, you're fuckin' swimming home.
Do you know what the hell we had to go through?
Yeah, it was a dick move on my part. That's why I'm paying for your meal. Prick.
Here's 50 for the meal, and 200 for the car.
What did you do to my car?
I made some love stains in the back. You'll see...
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Yeah... like I stand a chance of getting lucky even in Antigua...
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I'm avoidin' the beach ...
Wait, it's all beach ...
FUCK!
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Nah, we have cassy and foresty and towny areas too. We claim to have 365 beaches, which is bullshit. We do have a fucking bunch of them, probably over 300, depending on what counts as a beach. But 365 is too convenient to be true.
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1 a day for a year ...
It was a marketing ploy ...
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I'm sayin'.
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Thrash said if we ever went on a date and I wore heels he'd take me to a beach.
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No, I said if you wore 7" heels I would ...
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Oh ok. 7 inch heels and sand sounds adventurous!
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That was my point ...
I think I still have the conversation sitting on my home computer if you'd like me to post it ...
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i know that is your point. then i'd fuck your butt with my 7 inch sand covered heels. oh good times. then we'd go get ice cream. ;)
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... after I returned the favor, tootse!
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I like ice cream
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I agree ...
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One time, at band camp...
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One time, at band camp ...
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ill bet each time you people have sex it results in an embarassing story which means this thread is two pages too long already
so which one of you nerds is the furry?
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Uhm, Baggie?
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Well this one time with an ex, THE NEXT DAY after sex while I was at her moms house with her, she said we apparently left the door open and her mom told her that she came running in cuz she thought she was moaning in agony. Haha, I guess she got an eyeful of my ass and immediately turned around and left us to our devices.
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I've never had sex, so I can't contribute to this thread.
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I've never had sex, so I can't contribute to this thread.
I managed to for years.
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No, you've managed to for 4 months ...
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One time, at band camp ...
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One time, at band camp ...
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No, you've managed to for 4 months ...
Eh, no. I managed to contribute to sex forums for years. Pheromone experiments, Katie Costa Rica/Knife set whore, Menstrual blood on my blanket, Handjobs in the parking lot of iHop, etc., etc.
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Kyle is such a playa and/ or pimp.
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Well, which is it?
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Why's a nigga got to choose? Don't you know a pimp is a playa and a playa is a pimp?
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All I'm trying to say is, the ladies love Kyle. Myself included.
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Sure, now that you've seen his junk ...
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No, it has more to do with his charm and wit. That beard isn't too bad either! :o
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Wow, tricky, I think you've been alone a little too long today ...
... she sees his junk and is falling in love with Baggie
There really IS no god!
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Yes there is and She has a cruel sense of humor.
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I've never had sex, so I can't contribute to this thread.
Baggy will you pop my cherry?
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Sure.
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;D
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I am holding out for Lucas' peen.
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He used the word "AWESOME" to describe the picture he took of it. He said he deleted the picture. hahaha
I'm sure it's not as awesome as Kyle's, though! ;)
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I've never had sex, so I can't contribute to this thread.
Baggy will you pop my cherry?
now that's a precursor to an embarassing sex story if I've ever seen one.
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I know it is ungentlemanly to quote from a private message, but:
rock on motherfucker. i hope to drink with you again some day. you are one of my favorite posters ever and even though we've only... enjoyed each other's bodies a few times i consider you a true... master of the boudoir.
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krapsna you old dog you! You nailed Balor in the ass! That's like banging a lioness in her sleep...
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We kinda switched it up, took turns. Versatility is the key to sensuality!
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OK that's just gay.
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When did you turn all fruity man?
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Hey man, I was on your side.
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Hey man, I was on your side. You wanna bottom for yer gimpy pal, none of my biz.
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I still have dibs on eating you out first, don't I tricky?
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*gags*
I just died a little inside with all that was on the boards today ...
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Whoa. I know I wasn't supposed to be drinking but whoa.
That should have been an edit, not a quote.
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Hey man, I was on your side.
I was referring to him, not you Mr. Sensitive.
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Anyway, who would have guess that Balor was such a fuck pig? He was a sight to behold at the glory hole that night. I've never seen anybody eat that many loads in my life.
Then he tried to kiss me afterwards and I was all like, "Yuck! No way man."
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Gotta have standards, man ...