Loaded-Gun.Com - Anti-Social.Com's Rejects!

General Category => Discontempt => Topic started by: Enraged Angel on September 25, 2009, 12:46:55 AM

Title: Dear Jon
Post by: Enraged Angel on September 25, 2009, 12:46:55 AM
When you are on the toilet, what is your preferred reading material?

What are you currently reading?
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Zoomie on September 25, 2009, 12:53:18 AM
In Cold Blood by Truman Capote.

It's usually some fiction along those lines. Sandford or Patterson. Serial killers help me poop.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: underclass on September 25, 2009, 01:16:22 AM
Right now - for whom the bell tolls. But I think I'll go back to The Secret Diaries of Adrian Mole
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Thrash on September 25, 2009, 02:23:22 AM
Whatever's on my laptop or cellphone at the time ...

For krsna, it's Cosmo ...
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: FAH-Q on September 26, 2009, 01:38:02 PM
Mags or whatever book I have going.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Thrash on September 26, 2009, 02:23:17 PM
You know what; bla, fucking, bla ...
release your anus to my custody already ....

Sheesh!

Your idea of forepay lasts too long ...
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: BURNaMERICA on September 26, 2009, 02:38:32 PM
In Cold Blood by Truman Capote.

Thats ironic, so am I...
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Daddy on September 26, 2009, 04:48:36 PM
Wouldn't that be coincidence and not irony?

Wouldn't irony be if you were reading about pooping while killing someone?
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: ttfg on September 26, 2009, 05:05:40 PM
What it all comes down to is that everything's gonna be fine;  he has got one hand on his cock and the other one wiping his buttcrack.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Zoomie on September 26, 2009, 05:17:53 PM
Nice job there, Alannis...
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: FAH-Q on September 26, 2009, 06:42:44 PM
Nice job there, Alannis...

Don't you think?
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Zoomie on September 26, 2009, 06:56:42 PM
Thank you India, thank you terror.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: BURNaMERICA on September 26, 2009, 07:36:04 PM
Wouldn't that be coincidence and not irony?

Wouldn't irony be if you were reading about pooping while killing someone?

Hehe, I think so...
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: mosh on September 26, 2009, 08:19:50 PM
THNAK YUO SHEEPRAPE!

My preferences run to Private, Pirate, and Bizarre.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: underclass on October 07, 2009, 01:02:29 AM
Dear John

BASF WW2 Dear John TV commercial (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD6S8DZHpG4#normal)
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Lothar on October 08, 2009, 05:45:33 AM
I used to be in a chick band called Dear John.

It was crap. Mid-90's wanna be Belly but with a lead singer with a flat ass, screetchy voice, and played guitar like old people fuck.

I used to have a demo tape lying around, but it's gone. Just know that when I finally paid attention to what the lyrics were (for instance she wrote a whole song about catching her boyfriend jerking it from outside the window because she was stingy with it), and she tried to name a song Cathedral of Thorns, I was out.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Doormouse on October 08, 2009, 04:27:44 PM
How is this so commonplace? Everyone I know does this except me. Has the whole world gone crazy?
Pooping takes me a maximum of 60 seconds. What the hell can you get read in 60 seconds?
When I feel the urge I put my book down, go to the shitter, take care of business, wipe, flush, wash hands, and then return to my book.
I have no interest in hovering above my stinky pile while I finish the chapter or the article I'm on.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Nitya on October 08, 2009, 04:50:38 PM
^ exactly.
I dont think I know anyone who does this in real life, well, no one that would openly admit it.



...i think the idea is that you're there a bit longer than 60 seconds though.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Libertine on October 08, 2009, 05:43:52 PM
Maybe you have really powerful bowels or eat a much healthier diet than me (and probably most Americans), I usually spend at least 5 minutes on the toilet.

I don't think I've ever, in my entire life, taken a shit that was 60 seconds or less.  But I do have one friend who can literally do the whole business in under 30 seconds.  I've never figured out how.

Anyways, when I'm at home I usually just bring whatever school stuff I'm reading over to the john.  When I'm at work I play solitaire on my Ipod touch.  Pretty awesome.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Doormouse on October 08, 2009, 05:49:42 PM
I just timed myself.
64 seconds from entrance to exit in the bathroom.
33 seconds from sitting down to wiping.
And this was a slow one for me since last night was one of very heavy drinking...
If you factor in the time it would take to open the book up and find your place, I'm left with 30 seconds of reading time on a slow shit. That's 3 sentences maybe.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: underclass on October 08, 2009, 07:49:18 PM
I can get through a good 2-3 articles in the WSJ in the time it takes to shit. How ironic
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: taiko on October 09, 2009, 10:00:05 AM
But I do have one friend who can literally do the whole business in under 30 seconds.  I've never figured out how.

Only way to find out:  scientific observation.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Wozzeck on October 09, 2009, 10:04:09 AM
Not all of us have 12-gauge assholes.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Emperor Reagan on October 09, 2009, 10:22:58 AM
I am also super fast.  It's probably because I eat a ridiculous amount of fiber every day and go a couple of times.  From every vegetarian website/book I've ever read that makes mention of such things, that's simply a consequence of the diet.

I also do like reading in there, though.  It's old habit - I would hide in there to read as a teenager when I was avoiding doing chores.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: underclass on October 09, 2009, 12:28:01 PM
having lived in several countries, including the USA, my guess is that the amount of crap in your food plays a part. I was shitting 2-3 times a day in the USA. That's stupid
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Emperor Reagan on October 09, 2009, 12:59:25 PM
I go 3 times a day, usually, which is pretty normal for the veg. crowd.  1-2 is healthy on an average diet according to what I just looked up in google.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: 13chemicals on October 09, 2009, 06:24:52 PM
I have the runs every day.
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Zoomie on October 09, 2009, 06:49:08 PM
I wouldn't call it the runs, but I have pretty loose bowels lately. I think it's stress and too much coffee.

Chitownoi would be so proud of us talking about our poops like this. If he were here he'd post pics of his, you know...
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Doormouse on October 09, 2009, 07:11:38 PM
I go once a day. Even less reason for me to have reading material...
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: FAH-Q on October 10, 2009, 11:30:26 AM
Not all of us have 12-gauge assholes.

Hahaha! Seriously!
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Thrash on October 10, 2009, 03:46:06 PM
I used to go 2x/week or so, and they were MASSIVE; thankfully, I've gone more "regular" in my aging process ...
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: ttfg on October 10, 2009, 04:25:33 PM
I have some stories...
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Doormouse on October 11, 2009, 07:35:59 AM
Yeah I should refactor. I do sometimes take longer than 30 seconds, but those times are usually accompanied by severe abdominal agony and the last thing I want to be doing then is reading. It's weird actually I get the worst stomach aches if I don't get enough sleep. It's like my body only digests stuff proper;y when I get a good night's sleep...
Title: Re: Dear Jon
Post by: Thrash on October 11, 2009, 11:28:53 AM
It is all tied together; at least, it's supposed to be ...