Loaded-Gun.Com - Anti-Social.Com's Rejects!
General Category => Sex/Gossip => Topic started by: bagman on March 30, 2009, 03:29:11 AM
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Thrash, since I did promise I'd give details about last weekend, here they are.
Where the fuck did I leave off... ah yes, the brutality on Friday night. So she left Saturday and I didn't hear from her until about 10am, Sunday. This was a planned get together (that Friday night was not), where she was going to come over and cook me homemade pizza. Anyway, she comes over and cooks up an amazing yeast-free pizza dough, pepporoni-and-black olive pizza. Buonissimo! Again, after our "talk" that Monday I still thought maybe Friday night was just a drunken fuck-fest and when she was sober she wouldn't fuck.
Wrong! I got up behind her while she was at the stove and noticed it didn't feel like she had any panties on under her little summer skirt thing. I lifted up her skirt and smiled, and she coyly said "What?" Dirty girl. We were going out to catch some last-minute SxSw shows and she was going pantyless??? Hmm. Ok. I wasn't actually as thrilled as you probably all thought I would have been - it was a pretty windy day.
We finish up the amazing pizza, and watch a bit of some stupid show on Discovery. I lean over and start kissing her. About 5 minutes we were raring to go. My wood trying to burst through my pants and her pussy sopping on my hand. We head from the couch into my room and gently take each other's clothes off. I like the gentle part ... usually we almost tear each other apart. This was more sensual. She heads to the bathroom and grabs a condom, and puts it on. We fuck. and fuck. I love it, actually more than night sex. First time having sex during the daytime. She doesn't bite and I don't smack her ass. It's hot and sensual. She drenches my stomach, groin and bed. I feel wet all on the sides of me. She laughs because my belly-button is filled with her cum. A reservoir of female juice. While she's on top, I get right on the verge of nutting and she moves positions and I lose it. FUCK!!
What a great idea! She suggests stroking me until I am just about to explode, and starts at it. When I am fairly close, but not quite close enough I tell her and she hops on and bounces. I lose it again. Sigh. I suggest we try one more time. She gets off, starts sucking over the condom and stroking. This time I don't tell her to get on until like literally 2 seconds until am I about to blow. Like a panther, she quickly slinks on top of my cock and bounces, once or twice. FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!! Her pussy milks my cock dry. That was the longest orgasm I have ever had - probably 20 seconds or something. It was fantastic. I really liked how she sternly was saying "Cum Kyle. Cum" while she was bouncing. Yeow.
When she got off we looked at the condom and she exclaimed "Wow you really liked that"... I look down and my semen had expanded the tip of the condom so that some of it flowed out of the reservoir and down around the head. Jesus. What a load! No wonder it felt good. I'm going to continue eating my zinc tablets haha.
Well, we get cleaned up and head downtown. Of course while we are riding the elevator up from my parking garage to the lobby, one of our attorney's stepped in. Hahaha. She was pantyless, I still had marks all over my neck from her beating my ass that Friday, and we pretty much looked like we just fucked. It was awkward. She had to hold her skirt down the entire way we are walking to the bars. See some cool music and blah blah, end up at her friend's house who is throwing a bbq. That's when I had the Irish Car Bombs and Maker's Mark for the first time. Good stuff.
Wow, this is getting long. Long story - short. We get home and fuck again (first time I've had sex twice in a day). This is the normal crazy-wild sex, with ass slapping and her yelling "harder". She was completely drunk and I don't think I like her when she's drunk. She started the clawing shit and I had to tell her to cool it. She also told me to "hit her in the head" hahaha. After about an hour and a half my cock obviously couldn't go anymore. She was almost in a trance-like state just repeating the same set of phrases over and over and over and over. "Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me." "I need it. I need it. I need it. I need your big cock in me." It almost felt like I was getting raped. I was tired and she was drunk and I had to get up to go to work the next morning. I told her I needed a break. She wouldn't listen.
Wicked crazy girl. I get up and head to the bathroom and she follows. Somehow I manage a boner after she strokes me some more and I pick her up and put her on the bathroom counter and fuck the shit out of her. That's what I was an idiot and tried picking her up to fuck her while I was holding her. I did manage to get a couple of thrusts in and then my back started feeling twisted. So I set her back down quickly. By this time I just want her to leave. I tell her to get out of the bathroom, because I need to take a shower. Hop in the shower, and she keeps pulling the curtain back peeking her head in telling me to hurry up. I stay in there, hiding, for about 30 minutes. All is quiet.
Whew. She's asleep when I get out. I am exhausted and it's like 3am. God dammit. I fall asleep.
The next morning (Monday) we wake up a bit early. She puts her hand on my chest. I put my hand on top of hers and move her hand down to my cock area - morning wood is ready to go. She smiles and said "Forward aren't you?" And gives me a loving, BAD ASS morning blow job.
So. She seems pretty psycho. I kind of like the sex, and love the blow jobs, but I need to find a more stable woman.
Haha I managed to start 9 of those paragraphs with "W"s. I was trying for all of 'em, but ran out of words.
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Marry the girl.
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Yeah. Seriously.
Let's look at it objectively.
She lets you poke her fun bits with your ugly bits. She cooks for you. She does things like go commando when going out, and obviously would do pretty much any crazy shit you want her to...
She's obviously into you, you silly fuck... Just because she aint the Prom Queen means she'll try harder.
Dumbass.
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that was tl dr but aint nothin wrong with pizza and bonin
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Jesus, fuck.
1- Zinc is toxic if you take too much, so don't go taking double-doses.
2- You are not an Alpha Male Jesus Millionaire, and thus do not and will not get your pick of Fantasy Broads. Even if you were, the way you're treating this girl, considering the way she treats you, would still be worthy of a well and thorough slap upside the head. She cooks for you, she fucks you silly, she obviously adores you. If you cant man the fuck up and commit to her, quit stringing her along. No matter how many times you make your lame-ass excuses about having told her you're too selfish and chickenshit to have a relationship with her, you are leading her on by continuing to see her.
Do you think Angelina Jolie is going to pick your scrawny ass up at a bar and whisk you away to Hollywood? Even if she did, you know what? You'd still punk out on that too, once you saw she was just like every other human being:
Flawed.
Inconvenient.
Imperfect.
Human.
Angelina Jolie shits too, Kyle.
Angelina Jolie shits.
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Angelina Jolie shits too, Kyle.
Angelina Jolie shits.
Best quote ever.
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I've seen pictures of this girl man, when she finally figures it all out she's going to rip your cock off and shove it down your throat
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Yeah man, you better be praying she never gets wind of this.
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Hottest bathroom sex: HOTEL bathroom sex. A really nice hotel. I'm getting dolled up to go to this restaurant, putting the finishing touches on my makeup and hair. He walks into the bathroom, comes up behind me and whispers some very sweet nothings in my ear. Kisses me hard and after a few minutes of pawing and making out, I end up bent forward over the marble countertop, holding the edge for support, and he lifts my skirt and pulls my panties down to my knees and fucks me so soooo good, right there. It's great with the mirror in front of you like that. Every bounce, every thrust, catching eachothers eye here and there, watching yourself fuck or be fucked. Super hot.
I still haven't seen a photo of this girl who was nice enough to give Kyle a morning blowjob.
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Last night I didn't have bathroom sex, but I did get a lapdance from a guy then returned the favor. It was hot. I was entertaining the idea of bathroom sex at that point but didn't want to hold up the bathroom for someone who may actually have needed to use the bathroom.
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Also I just saw this and thought of Kyle
http://tv.yahoo.com/show/28908/news/urn:newsml:tv.reuters.com:20090330:us_fox__ER:28527 (http://tv.yahoo.com/show/28908/news/urn:newsml:tv.reuters.com:20090330:us_fox__ER:28527)
Maybe you can go on this show, Kyle, and find a new BBW to fuck!
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Yeah man, you better be praying she never gets wind of this.
right so here's hoping it's never posted about on a public forum.
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Psycho, trick and hip all seem to be whores to me. Is there any evidence to balance this argument out?
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Enjoying interesting sexual exploits doesn't make a woman a whore.
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i am not a whore, nor have i ever been.
i used to be pretty slutty but i've been faithful to my husband for many years now.
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I'm not a whore. I like to tease a lot. I like to pretend like I'm a slaaahhht but in reality I'm not.
I was in a monogomous relationship for 8 years for crying out loud!
Besides, who are you to go around pointing fingers and labeling whoever as such? At least I don't parade around flashing my junk to my neighbors.
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Here's a rare lunch posting. (Went home for lunch.)
I had a long discussion with my step-dad last night, my best bud (Scientologist) and my boss. All of them, and you all are telling me I need to be honest with this girl and let her know we're done when she gets back from Zambia.
So, it's over. I'll tell her straight and honestly, I don't think we should continue seeing each other.
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You better line up some new pussy, stat! I live for these bagman sex updates. haha. They are like crack to me.
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Bathroom sex is guaranteed hotness just because of it's spontaneous and / or sneaking around nature.
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Psycho, trick and hip all seem to be whores to me. Is there any evidence to balance this argument out?
what is your personal definition of a whore?
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i guess i'm just not really getting why kyle doesn't want to see her anymore... i mean, i think she's kinda cute in some of the pictures of her i've seen. i'd probably hit that. she seems to like crazy rough sex and i am on that level as well.
i don't like the drinking, though. if i were to start dating anyone they would have to be a non-drinker, non-smoker, and drug free.
wtf happened to me?
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Psycho, trick and hip all seem to be whores to me. Is there any evidence to balance this argument out?
what is your personal definition of a whore?
Tru must be off his meds again. It's either that or sour grapes.
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i guess i'm just not really getting why kyle doesn't want to see her anymore... i mean, i think she's kinda cute in some of the pictures of her i've seen. i'd probably hit that. she seems to like crazy rough sex and i am on that level as well.
i don't like the drinking, though. if i were to start dating anyone they would have to be a non-drinker, non-smoker, and drug free.
wtf happened to me?
Kyle thinks he'll find something better which may or may not be the case, plus he's not into her smoking. At any rate, the way that this girl is all into him while he's not as much into her is really inflating his ego and if it becomes a long term relationship it's going to probably be a whole lot of her being treated badly.
It would be way easier to let the whole thing continue on than it would be to break it off, but in reality it's not fair to either of them. It's not fair to her because even if she is feeding into it nobody really deserves to be toyed with. It's also not fair to him because he lacks experience with relationships (let alone the sex) and may not fully realize that it's not always going to be this easy, that not every girl he has sex with is going to think he's the cat's ass. If he's going to have a successful relationship with anybody he needs the perspective that he just hasn't developed yet.
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stfu dr. phil
no, seriously, good points.
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Tru's definition of a whore is probably someone who enjoys sex and life more than him. Ie, most people
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Ahh ok. Then a whore I am.
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It's hard to get it up with The C.I.A. watching.
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Yeah man, you better be praying she never gets wind of this.
*evil grin*
hehehehe........
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Hey guys, bear with me here. Sometimes I purposefully avoid telling all sides of a story. Mainly because I like entertaining y'all with the good parts. Like tricky says, in doing it this way I turn you into crackwhores waiting for your next "fix".
I enjoy "J"s company, and obviously we're at that phase where we are pretty damn comfortable with each other. It takes me quite a while with anybody, be it a friend/potential fling/etc., to get really comfortable with being around somebody. She's fun, and funny. She laughs at my racist jokes and tells me hers. She's also incredibly giving, and not just to me. She works for a non-profit organization known worldwide, and is in Africa to help her best friend out there with some things. I have never in my life gotten to this level where I am super comfortable with a girl.
Now what I don't tell you all because it's just boring is that I tell her that I appreciate her and what she does for me all the time. After every meal she cooks, I make it a point to really let her know how I appreciate her cooking, and how fantastic the meal is. I literally thank her after every blowjob I've had. Meaning I say "thank you". Haha. She giggles and smiles. I am fucking thankful. I guess some of this adds to the complete picture, which obviously you all don't have.
I am 28 years old, never had a girlfriend, and never had pussy until mid Dec of last year. My boss always chides me for not having experienced things like a "real" breakup. I told him about Katie, the girl I took to Costa Rica that fucked the other guy while I was there (also the one who sold me a knife set hahaha). But we were never in a relationship. I thought I loved her, and she dare I say barely tolerated me. He's like dude, you have no idea what it is like to be crushed after being in a relationship with somebody for years and suddenly the other person wants to break it off. He's absolutely right. I have never felt that sort of pain. I also haven't ever felt the sort of joy one has one in a long-term committed relationship. This is the longest time I have dated any woman.
Krsna, I like your post earlier. To expound on it I am going to use an analogy I was thinking of earlier. You always hear about these poor folks who win the lottery and then within a matter of months they squander all of the money away and end up bankrupt, committing suicide, whatever, totally fucked. It actually seems to happen fairly frequently. I'm that guy who won the lottery. Keep up with me here and the analogy. For 28 years I was dirt poor and thus didn't ever learn how to manage money properly. Suddenly, in December I win the god damn lottery. Just out of nowhere, BAM! Holy shit, what the fuck do I do with this money? I have no fucking idea. Never had any previous experiences managing any kind of money, because I never had any. This is completely foreign to me, man. I'm learning through trial and error. If I squander it away, well luckily it's not the end of the world. I just learn a valuable life lesson.
Any fuckin' way, I do like "J", but don't feel ready for a real, committed relationship. For one, I have this deep fear that has only been fueled more by my best friend's story. Since I was about 21, people have been joking/chiding that the first girl I have sex with I'll probably end up marrying. I have fiercely denied this. Then check this out, my best friend was also a virgin until he was 25. Then he found a girl, they fucked, and they got married. He made a huge fucking mistake. She is so incredibally naggy/bitchy/whiney and just no fun at all to be around. Very unattractive in my eyes too. But he loves her. I think the only reason he did it (besides the fact that she is also a scientologist) is because she was the first girl he had sex with. That is not a reason to get married (at least for me).
I don't want to fall into the same trap.
Bottom line. I do have some feelings for "J" and I do care about her feelings, but I have not developed the "goo goo gaa gaa" mentality that I am super attracted to her, or want her to be mine, or whatever those feelings of attraction are. To me, it feels like we're friends, that just happen to fuck. Except now I know that she cares about me a lot. I don't have those same feelings - we're on different levels. I mean even that girl "R" that I went out with a some last year I had huge feelings for. It's weird. She wouldn't give me the time of day and I was incredibally hurt when she didn't call me, etc. and now with "J" I don't have those feelings at all.
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it happens, end it and move on. I've been in your place (not the 28 year old virgin bit, the dead-end relationship I let drift part) and trust me there's no upside. Eventually the sex will get boring, you'll be so disinterested
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Agreed. Time to move on.
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Bend her over the bathroom counter first.
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on your way out the door
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hahahaha thanks girls. That's the reaction I was looking for.
Umm I did have a follow up that would have made it more obvious that I was just kidding. But that was about ten hours ago and I can't remember the punch line now.
Sorry, I didn't mean to offend any of you.
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I feel you, Kyle ...
I just think that you're putting the cart before the horse ...
No one, including her, is saying "marry her" ...
I think you're running from something that's NOT necessarily following you through the woods at night ...
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What more do you need than somebody to appreciate your racist jokes?
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Shut it, niglet ...
heh ...
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What's better than me being me? WEEEEEEE!!!!
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What?
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What more do you need than somebody to appreciate your racist jokes?
EXACTLY!
I time my best racist comments for when Danni with snort something out of her nose. That's true love.
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Mosh: I read your posts with an Aussie accent.
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I read yours with Jack Black's accent
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Awesome.
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I read yours with Jack Black's accent
lol!
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I read yours your face-melting posts with Jack Black's accent
School of Rock'd.
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I lean over and start kissing her. About 5 minutes we were raring to go. My wood trying to burst through my pants and her pussy sopping on my hand. We head from the couch into my room and gently take each other's clothes off. I like the gentle part ... usually we almost tear each other apart. This was more sensual. She heads to the bathroom and grabs a condom, and puts it on. We fuck. and fuck. I love it, actually more than night sex. First time having sex during the daytime. She doesn't bite and I don't smack her ass. It's hot and sensual. She drenches my stomach, groin and bed. I feel wet all on the sides of me. She laughs because my belly-button is filled with her cum. A reservoir of female juice. While she's on top, I get right on the verge of nutting and she moves positions and I lose it. FUCK!!
He walks into the bathroom, comes up behind me and whispers some very sweet nothings in my ear. Kisses me hard and after a few minutes of pawing and making out, I end up bent forward over the marble countertop, holding the edge for support, and he lifted my skirt and pulled my panties down to my knees and fucked me so soooo good, right there. It's great with the mirror in front of you like that. Every bounce, every thrust, catching eachothers eye here and there, watching yourself fuck or be fucked. Super hot. We were late for our reservation.
It's funny what detail people go into recounting their bodily functions when it comes to sex. It's only sex though. Nobody explains how they positioned their legs for this super large shit the other day or exactly how they ate a delicious slice of cheesecake. I mean it's just weird. Like why would any reader be any more interested in the fact that kyle's bellybutton was filed with a love-puddle or that katie was holding the edge of the countertop for support than they would be if I shared the fact that I wash my chest before my back in the shower or that I sleep on my stomach facing right.
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Ever since I broke my collarbone, I seem to have lost the ability to sleep comfortably on my stomach. I only ever sleep on my back or on my side now.
And I tend to go face, hair, shoulders/arms, chest/stomach, back, armpits, crotch, legs, feet, ass when I shower.
(http://www.mediabistro.com/agencyspy/original/nbc_the_more_you_know.jpg)
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Right now I am sitting in a chair at my desk, slightly hunched over (I have bad posture), right hand on mouse, left hand typing, right leg crossed over left leg. Firmly grasping onto the desk as my coworker rams... just kidding.
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I welcome sex details with any of the girls.......not baggy though.
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Mosh: I read your posts with an Aussie accent.
I still hear yours as Cartman from time to time ...
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Right now I am sitting in a chair at my desk, slightly hunched over (I have bad posture), right hand on mouse, left hand typing, right leg crossed over left leg. Firmly grasping onto the desk as my coworker rams...
that was awesome!
for a second, i pictured your co-worker that talks to herself in that situation. :P
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And I tend to go face, hair, shoulders/arms, chest/stomach, back, armpits, crotch, legs, feet, ass when I shower.
When I first get into the shower in the mornings, I left to water run over my body. Usually it's pretty hot water, and so it warms up my toes and fingers as I make sure that at least I'm all wet before I get soaped up.
Then, I take a small dollop of shampoo - usually no bigger than the space between my life line & love line - and rub it into my hair, starting from the front and working the suds back. With the excess shampoo suds, I normally do a quick scrub under the arms, and then wash the soap off my hands and armpits.
Following that, I left the shampoo "soak" on my hair, and i begin scrubbing with body soap. I think I start with my left shoulder, go down the arm, back around to cross the chest and belly, and then up to the right shoulder and down the arm.
By this point, the left side has already been patially rinsed, so I put down the soap, do some upper body scrubbing, and then proceed to rinse out my shampoo as well as all of the upper body soap. Every few days, I'll do a lower body soaping too; it's just very hard for a tall guy to suds his own legs.
After my shower, I pick up my towel and dry my hair first. I proceed from there down the neck, down the left shoulder and arm, then the right shoulder and arm. From this point, it's generally an exercise in removing water from top to bottom on my body, so that there is no part with drips on it once I'm done.
Doorm, I think the reason no one describes things to this level of detail for normal things is because no one wants to try to emulate the way you wash and dry yourself.
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I lean over and start kissing her. About 5 minutes we were raring to go. My wood trying to burst through my pants and her pussy sopping on my hand. We head from the couch into my room and gently take each other's clothes off. I like the gentle part ... usually we almost tear each other apart. This was more sensual. She heads to the bathroom and grabs a condom, and puts it on. We fuck. and fuck. I love it, actually more than night sex. First time having sex during the daytime. She doesn't bite and I don't smack her ass. It's hot and sensual. She drenches my stomach, groin and bed. I feel wet all on the sides of me. She laughs because my belly-button is filled with her cum. A reservoir of female juice. While she's on top, I get right on the verge of nutting and she moves positions and I lose it. FUCK!!
He walks into the bathroom, comes up behind me and whispers some very sweet nothings in my ear. Kisses me hard and after a few minutes of pawing and making out, I end up bent forward over the marble countertop, holding the edge for support, and he lifted my skirt and pulled my panties down to my knees and fucked me so soooo good, right there. It's great with the mirror in front of you like that. Every bounce, every thrust, catching eachothers eye here and there, watching yourself fuck or be fucked. Super hot. We were late for our reservation.
It's funny what detail people go into recounting their bodily functions when it comes to sex. It's only sex though. Nobody explains how they positioned their legs for this super large shit the other day or exactly how they ate a delicious slice of cheesecake. I mean it's just weird. Like why would any reader be any more interested in the fact that kyle's bellybutton was filed with a love-puddle or that katie was holding the edge of the countertop for support than they would be if I shared the fact that I wash my chest before my back in the shower or that I sleep on my stomach facing right.
i guess you missed katie's post about eating peanut butter.
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When I first get into the shower in the mornings, I left to water run over my body. Usually it's pretty hot water, and so it warms up my toes and fingers as I make sure that at least I'm all wet before I get soaped up.
Then, I take a small dollop of shampoo - usually no bigger than the space between my life line & love line - and rub it into my hair, starting from the front and working the suds back. With the excess shampoo suds, I normally do a quick scrub under the arms, and then wash the soap off my hands and armpits.
Following that, I left the shampoo "soak" on my hair, and i begin scrubbing with body soap. I think I start with my left shoulder, go down the arm, back around to cross the chest and belly, and then up to the right shoulder and down the arm.
By this point, the left side has already been patially rinsed, so I put down the soap, do some upper body scrubbing, and then proceed to rinse out my shampoo as well as all of the upper body soap. Every few days, I'll do a lower body soaping too; it's just very hard for a tall guy to suds his own legs.
After my shower, I pick up my towel and dry my hair first. I proceed from there down the neck, down the left shoulder and arm, then the right shoulder and arm. From this point, it's generally an exercise in removing water from top to bottom on my body, so that there is no part with drips on it once I'm done.
I don't understand. Can you take some pictures to help me get a clearer understanding of this process?
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maybe a "How To" video on youtube?
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Even better!
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(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qehxjub5lyo)
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When the water has reached the appropriate temperature, I step into the shower. Closing my eyes I let the heat wash over me until I no longer feel it burn. I spend the next fifteen minutes slowly dragging a razor across my scalp, "with the grain" as they say, until not a hair stands upon my head. I proceed to lather my muscular, somewhat hirsute body, beginning with my hard chest and shoulders, working my way across my broad back, and down my sinewy, lightly scarred, and somewhat tattooed arms. This done I proceed to scrub vigorously, harshly, with a roughly-textured wash cloth. I go through a similar process for my lean abdomen and powerful legs and buttocks. At last I lather my generative organs, and on a juvenile lark twist my hips back and forth rapidly. The slapping sound of my manhood swinging back and forth against my own pelvis as soap suds are flung everywhere amuses me on a primitive level. Rinsing off, my ablution is all but complete. Last, but certainly not least, I slam my face, with eyes wide open against a blanks spot on the shower wall. Letting my left hand catch the resulting blood flow, I use my right index finger to add another figure to my on going recreation of the Bayeux Tapestry. One day I shall reveal to Christie what real art is, and take his fraudulent empire right out of his soft and complacent hands.
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That was sort of Easton Ellis-esque.
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Don't go murderin' anyone now, balor.
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I slam my face, with eyes wide open against a blanks spot on the shower wall. Letting my left hand catch the resulting blood flow, I use my right index finger to add another figure to my on going recreation of the Bayeux Tapestry.
The way I picture this, you keep holding your head against the wall while the blood continues to drip into your left hand. You're drawing your recreation out of the corner of your eye.
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i think having sex with balor would top the list of "most anxiety inducing things i've ever done"
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Target acquired:
http://austin.craigslist.org/w4m/1098395942.html (http://austin.craigslist.org/w4m/1098395942.html)
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Target acquired:
http://austin.craigslist.org/w4m/1098395942.html (http://austin.craigslist.org/w4m/1098395942.html)
I like how in each picture you get to see one of her distinct schizophrenic personalities.
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Dusk had settled over the parking lot, and we were there to witness it - as always - on the weekends. These were the halcyon days of youth, wherein most were spent washing and re-washing the vintage '76 Chevy step-bed before squandering the remainder guzzling down rotgut whiskey in paper sacks in the lot. Sometimes we would catcall the summer girls, tan and supple and always in groups of threes in their compact cars, as they whizzed down the cruise route.
It was always the same: The girl behind the wheel was the hell-bent one, young and wild and never sure what would win out that evening; the piss or the vinegar. Ponytailed, they delighted in torturing the letter jacket crowd, whispering promises of finishing the job their hands began until they gauged the length of the issue before laughing and heading off to the next "conquest," never following through on their oaths.
The passenger was always the best friend, shyer than her companion but not as plain in appearance. Occasionally, faint glittering would appear from the King James cross that always adorned their necks, proof - in the old standard before trinkets like purity rings and Jesus bracelets - that their parents never had to worry about her giving up her virtue to the ugly wolves that pranced and waged make-believe combat with their companions, all in hopes of winning that elusive pound of flesh from some starry-eyed young thing with more desire than sense. She wore a little rouge, but never for concealment, which was the main reason her friend often wore collared shirts. Raven-haired, slightly freckled, she had no idea how much upheaval her world was in store for upon her moving away to attend some mid-level state college, and her first cup of frothy beer handed to her by some scoundrel in his backwards hat.
And finally, always riding the pine in the backseat, the anchor. The one who attempted to compensate for her girth by being loud and obnoxious. You could often hear her from our vantage point, laughing in a squeal and shouting louder than the radio, which always seemed to be blasting one Eagles song after another. She shopped at the same boutiques as her friends, but the world of skirts and halter tops was forever out of reach, so she opted for dark jeans and long-sleeved shirts, sometimes with a vest, all in some vain attempt to break up her outline like some sort of hormonal ghillie suit. Never realizing she was the "escape route," she tried to act like the driver, much to everyone's dismay.
It was their tenth or so lap when my friend Dave, a deviant who was training to become a coroner, retrieved a plush cat doll from the morass of his backseat and chucked it in their window as they sped past. Peals of playful screams rang out as the car squalled to a halt in the lot. The car gave a series of lurches as they leaped out, a small shudder to the left, followed by a similar one to the right, followed by large ones as the anchor attempted to extricate herself from her prison in the backseat.
The driver's smile melted away at the sight of her attackers, not the idiot boys in their rusted street cars but something else entirely, and slowly descended into a defensive smirk. "What the hell? You tryin to make me wreck?" dripped from her lips, already bored with the situation and scanning the horizon for a fresh kill.
"I don't think you have any problem slowing down," Dave replied, his gaze settling on the rear of the car, as with Herculean effort it finally regurgitated its final passenger.
"Besides, it's never bad to have more pussy."
Like a coliseum combatant realizing the lion was closing in, the driver tried to hatch a scheme to leave in the fastest manner possible while saving face. Their conversation was lost to me, though, as I busied myself with her friend. She never enjoyed the candy story machismo that her friend relished, and her guard actually seemed to lower here rather than increase.
"Hello, Kim," I said as she fidgeted with her necklace. Her eyes would drift to the ground as we made small talk. Eventually the anchor, fed up with being ignored, played her trump card. "I have to go home soon," she repeated, her voice sharp as the creases the straps on her flats dug into her feet. The driver pretended to roll her eyes in annoyance, saved by the bell around the anchor's neck.
"Guess we gotta go," she said, getting no satisfaction from Dave's bumbling attempts at innuendo.
"Let's go, Kim."
Kim shot me a glance. It was obvious she wanted to be freed from her role for a few hours, so I obliged. "Want to do a few laps around town?" I asked her. The driver, horrified at the prospect of having to spend time alone with the anchor, protested. "C'moooooooon," she pleaded, her veneer cracking for the first time. Kim was having none of it though, and agreed to join me.
As we crawled through town, we talked about the future. I'd always been one of those people guidance counselors wrote "has potential, but won't use it" about in their notes. I managed to squeak my way into the main state college, and she was headed to it's sister college, referred to as "Little Blue" for the student's loyalty to the larger institution. She was going to be a physician's assistant, I was going to be me. She was two weeks out of a relationship, one she was doomed to repeat at college until she finally outgrew the poor sod. I felt pity for her realizing that so much of her life revolved around the guy that she had scarce else to talk about.
"So, what are you looking for now?" I asked.
"A little closure, I guess."
"Closure's my specialty," I replied.
"Is that right?" she laughed.
"Well, that and bullshitting," I said, as I watched the needle on my gauge slowly climb into the red. When my father gave me the truck, he forgot to mention the temperature gauge on the engine had snapped off, which caused the thermostat to close, which caused my truck to overheat in the warmer months. To my surprise, she agreed to my feigned offhand suggestion to head out of town for a little while. I parked the truck on top of the hill overlooking our strip-mine of a town. Neither of us belonged there, but only one of us was destined to leave and stay gone.
Steve Earle and The Dukes quietly played on the radio as we talked about her ambitions, The Saviour occasionally glinting in the moonlight as if concerned about where all of this might be headed.
"You aren't really like those guys you hang out with," Kim said. "Why are you with them all of the time?"
I told her the truth. "They never ask me for anything."
She looked at me with something I took for envy. "I wish I had friends like that," she said.
"You will," I lied.
"I need a new start," she sighed. "A clean break."
"That's my specialty," I joked.
"Bullshit," she laughed.
At that moment, I leaned in and slid my hand up the side of her neck and kissed her still laughing lips. Startled, her gaze deepened, and the cross around her neck could not compete with the emerald glinting of her eyes. She grabbed the lapels of my jacket and pressed hard against me. I leaned into her, and we slowly lowered to the hard wooden planks that lined the bed of my truck.
Then I got all up in them guts.
-
If that had a few more anuses, I'd have said Eddo wrote that
-
It's funny what detail people go into recounting their bodily functions when it comes to sex. It's only sex though.
I read some non-SF Ray Bradbury short stories last night before bed, and I thought of this. Bradbury - a good author in my opinion - did exactly what you said no one else does.
So, maybe it's just non-professional authors that only describe sex in detail!
-
Then I got all up in them guts. jizzed in my pants.
Good story, dude!
-
So, maybe it's just non-professional authors that only describe sex in detail!
Yeah of course. Just normal people. Didn't Whitman do a whole ode to the body in Leaves of Grass?
-
Then I got all up in them guts. jizzed in my pants.
Good story, dude!
Oh my god-- lucas, that was hilarious.
-
Don't go murderin' anyone now, balor.
Why not; he apparently knows how to wash the evidence away ...
It was their tenth or so lap when my friend Dave, a deviant who was training to become a coroner, retrieved a plush cat doll from the morass of his backseat and chucked it in their window as they sped past. Peals of playful screams rang out as the car squalled to a halt in the lot. The car gave a series of lurches as they leaped out, a small shudder to the left, followed by a similar one to the right, followed by large ones as the anchor attempted to extricate herself from her prison in the backseat.
It's like I was there ...
-
Target acquired:
http://austin.craigslist.org/w4m/1098395942.html (http://austin.craigslist.org/w4m/1098395942.html)
You know, SHE looks like you could talk her into anal ...
-
Then I got all up in them guts. jizzed in my pants.
Good story, dude!
Oh my god-- lucas, that was hilarious.
(http://www.gapingvoid.com/youre%20missing%20the%20point.jpg)
-
oh don't be like that
-
But you missed the point!
-
You may think I did. Either way, I laughed at Lucas' post, which was MY point.
-
I don't think, I KNOW!
-
Gaping Void!
-
(http://www.asofterworld.com/clean/pint.jpg)
-
It's not illegal in ALL of the 50 states ...
-
No, everythings legal in Alaska.
-
That's how they get people to live there.
-
It's really the only egde ...
-
It's really the only egde ...
That, and being the furthest away from Florida you can get without having to swim.
-
(http://www.asofterworld.com/clean/pint.jpg)
"I'd like to take you to my apartment, lay you down in cold bath water, and fuck you like a dead body." That was some guys pick up line to me once.
Wtf Kyle. Why are you into girls that look like jap anime characters?
Wow. The Austin personals are so sad.
http://austin.craigslist.org/m4w/1104713266.html (http://austin.craigslist.org/m4w/1104713266.html)
-
This guys kind of cute, I'm going to write him.
http://austin.craigslist.org/m4w/1103609285.html (http://austin.craigslist.org/m4w/1103609285.html)
I'm also going to put up a personal ad for kyle to see who replies.
(http://www.popculturemadness.com/Entertainment/Television/Images/millmatch.jpg)
-
It is done.
http://austin.craigslist.org/m4w/1104900928.html (http://austin.craigslist.org/m4w/1104900928.html)
-
You should have transcribed the entire "hello my future girlfriend..." and put his picture up...
-
hello my future girlfriend (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge7mozA-ptI#lq2-hq).
http://mike.winterdiamond.com/history.php (http://mike.winterdiamond.com/history.php)
-
"I'd like to take you to my apartment, lay you down in cold bath water, and fuck you like a dead body." That was some guys pick up line to me once.
HEY, WHAT GIVES?
Do I go around telling people things you've said to me?!!?!
-
Nice ...
-
I am disappointed in your creativeness, Sash.
-
I just got off to the original post in this thread. OMG it was awesome.
-
I just got off to the original post in this thread. OMG it was awesome.
which part was your favorite?
-
This time I don't tell her to get on until like literally 2 seconds until am I about to blow. Like a panther, she quickly slinks on top of my cock and bounces, once or twice. FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!! Her pussy milks my cock dry. That was the longest orgasm I have ever had - probably 20 seconds or something. It was fantastic. I really liked how she sternly was saying "Cum Kyle. Cum" while she was bouncing. Yeow.
-
Well, I was about to walk out my door to go grab some food. But, I can honestly say I don't think my neighbors would be as delighted as tricky would be when introduced to my now, raging erection. (Thanks tricky.)
Dammit, I am hungry.
-
I wish I were your neighbor!
-
I was trying to be nice on the C-L thing. You have gotten two responses.
1)
Hi there, I just read your Craigslist ad, you sound great, would you
be interested in a married woman ;) lol
------------------------------------------------------------------
this message was remailed to you via: pers-jndfz-1104900928@craigslist.org
2)HI :) Just found your posting in personals.. experimenting with this
to see how it works.. I will wait for u to email me back :) I can
send a zip of some of my best pictures if u want.. IM female
blonde/good-looking/funny/curious!!
------------------------------------------------------------------
this message was remailed to you via: pers-jndfz-1104900928@craigslist.org
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The guy who I wrote doesn't think I'm a real person...... burn?
-
oh yeah, burn.
-
He looks kind of like a guy I beat up outside of a bar once.
You don't want to date a guy who gets beat up outside of bars, do you?
-
I was trying to be nice on the C-L thing. You have gotten two responses.
1)
Hi there, I just read your Craigslist ad, you sound great, would you
be interested in a married woman ;) lol
------------------------------------------------------------------
this message was remailed to you via: pers-jndfz-1104900928@craigslist.org
2)HI :) Just found your posting in personals.. experimenting with this
to see how it works.. I will wait for u to email me back :) I can
send a zip of some of my best pictures if u want.. IM female
blonde/good-looking/funny/curious!!
------------------------------------------------------------------
this message was remailed to you via: pers-jndfz-1104900928@craigslist.org
Huh, no shit - two replies? With a simple little generic ad like that? Jesus Christ.
I mean you didn't even have to put in the fact that I have a car, my own place, and a job; it seems like 80 - 90% of the women on W4M have their standards so low, that that is all they ask for in a man.
Those replies are probably spam anyway.
Also, thanks for playing matchmaker.
-
oh yeah, burn.
Actually no. It's nearly impossible to find an actual, real woman on the C-L. The spam is ridiculous.
Don't take it personally. The new thing in ads is to say something that a spambot wouldn't know. Like the temperature/weather/something that happened in the news today, etc.
I'm a pro at this shit. 15+ dates, with probably 10+ women last year.
-
80 - 90% of the women on W4M have their standards so low
Well then they're perfect for you!
-
Yeah, I usually go icognito when replying to ads and don't really give out a lot of details at first. Girls like mystery, so I've heard - finding things out on their own. Only later do I piecemeal out facts like I work at a law firm, own a condo, am capable and responsible enough to take care of two cats, two plants and some brine shrimp (obviously animal lovers make them swoon hard), have enough dough to not have to worry about things, have tattoos, not tell them I am a virgin until a couple of months after we've been having sex already, ya know. I know I have a lot of things going for me, but I want them to find that out... in their own little ways.
I always love picking up a girl for the first time in the RX-8 hehe. (when the engine is fucking running) I just want to see their expression... I can pretty clearly tell a gold digger. From past experiences. Katie. Costa Rica. $thousands thrown to the wind.
-
http://austin.craigslist.org/cas/1106021805.html (http://austin.craigslist.org/cas/1106021805.html)
In case it's flagged here it is:
Real Men Only apply - w4m - 26 (South Central)
Reply to: pers-79rej-1106021805@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-03, 6:33PM CDT
Hey guy's it's friday night and I've got nothing to do looking to suck some white cock through my gloryhole i am a big girl and we need lovin to it was a pretty day outside here in austin never sucked a white dick until last week and now i want more clean men need only apply emails without pic's = deleted
* Location: South Central
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
(http://[url=http://images.craigslist.org/3m83o53lbZZZZZZZZZ943650bfec5da0c1952.jpg]http://images.craigslist.org/3m83o53lbZZZZZZZZZ943650bfec5da0c1952.jpg[/url])(http://images.craigslist.org/3kc3p93l2ZZZZZZZZZ9433d48c52e8e191508.jpg)
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Nice!
-
-
I can't read more than the first sentence or two of personal before I get bored. That guy above btw is a sad beyond repair. You got a couple more responses. I finally got one with a picture....
(http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=0249eccb47&view=att&th=1206f790e7f8e7e7&attid=0.1&disp=inline&zw)
-
http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=0249eccb47&view=att&th=1206f790e7f8e7e7&attid=0.1&disp=inline&zw
that's in your mail or something. you need to post it somewhere else for us to see!
-
I wish I were your neighbor!
(http://web.mit.edu/vsg/www/vsg/INFO/Pictures/mr_rogers.gif)
Meanwhile; so, you told her she was your first?
-
gaddammit, kyle, sasha is gay now.
GAAAAAAAY.
-
I'm a pro at this shit. 15+ dates, with probably 10+ women last year.
15+ dates, 10+ women, 0+ sex
-
10 + hotness
-
Meanwhile; so, you told her she was your first?
I did.
From http://thrashinc.com/e107_plugins/forum/forum_viewtopic.php?144330.140, (http://thrashinc.com/e107_plugins/forum/forum_viewtopic.php?144330.140,)
Today at the office I got a verbal beat-down by my boss and co-worker. I told them about barebacking and they were fucking pissed, and scared me into absolute submission. My boss told me a couple of weeks ago I better watch out because pussy makes dude's do stupid shit. Honestly, I didn't even think about the STD factor when she took the rubber off and we barebacked. Not nutting inside her was definitely on my mind, but my boss says pre-cum can actually get a chick pregnant too.
Anyway I was literally trembling after both of them karate- chopped me a new asshole with words. So I decided I HAD to have a conversation about this with her, TO-FUCKING-DAY.
So I asked her what she as doing for lunch, but she had a meeting. So I texted "Got some questions on my mind. I don't think it's smart to have unprotected sex w/out knowing more about each other. Kinda late in the game, but it wasn't really on my mind before. You have nothing to worry about, but I want to make sure I don't either."
Anyway I called her a bit ago and we had an adult discussion on the topic. I started it off telling her, "I meant it when I said you have nothing to worry about from me. You're the first girl I've had sex with." Yes, she now knows.
She basically was as chill and as matter-of-fact as I was when I told her and said "Oh, okay." She understood then why I am worried about the whole STD thing (and potential pregnancy issues) and immediately said that if we are going to continue to have sex, she'll go to the doctor and get tested for EVERYTHING. She says she has gotten tested in the past for the general things that the doctor can test you for, and she came out clean then and she takes Guardasil so there's no worry of HPV. (warts I guess) She also said she started her period two days ago so no worries about a fucking kiddo from any pre-cum.
Thursday night she's going to cook me dinner, and we'll see what happens - she may still be on her period.
Mello - in the past haven't you talked about period sex extensively? I think it was in my "classic" thread about the blanket I loaned the girl and she bled all over. Ew. Menstruation makes my stomach churn and burn.
-
0/10 on Craigslist?
I don't think most guys could manage that if they were trying to not have sex.
-
Sasha. Your dream dude.
Looking for Ms. Geek - 26 (North Austin)
Reply to: pers-pek4h-1106079221@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-04, 8:35AM CDT
This is a first for me so here goes. Im not a very outgoing so I dont get out much, and Im not good at just talking to people on the street. I enjoy games (video, pool, bowling, mini-golf), movies, books, and music. As I said im not very outgoing but Im game for what anyone else wants to do. Im considerate and Honest to a fault. Once I get to know someone and get to be friends then I can get to be pretty goofy.
Looking for a gal who enjoys some of the things I do, Dungeons and Dragons, Warhammer, Playing video games, and whatever you like to do. Geek stuff pretty much. In the end I would like to find Ms. The-One but im not holding my breath, Id actually be happy just finding another friend. Preferable from the 18-30 range
Reply if you want more detailed info.
* Location: North Austin
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
(http://images.craigslist.org/3n83m83o3ZZZZZZZZZ94382f3222dbcea16c6.jpg)
Somebody should make a thread with funny/lame/sick Craigslist postings.
-
I thought we just did ...
-
Hahaha yes!
-
You know what, he'll get laid more often than baggy.
-
Well, maybe this week ...
-
Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
-
I think this one's just looking for someone who won't beat her anymore ...
Hi :) I find it tricky to write these things. A few things you may (or may not) find interesting about me: I love to travel. My dog is one of my best friends. I am independent. I enjoy road trips, live music and good company. My family means the world to me. I am frugal. I'm not a good driver. I hate fast food. Dr Pepper is my favorite drink. I love to sing (but can't very well). I know a few words to every song but I don't know all the lyrics to one song. I memorize useless facts. I like to read. I remember dates. I pretty much remember everything. I hate to be mean but feel that sometimes it is necessary. I believe that you should forgive and forget. I will talk to anyone about anything. I clean a lot. Some would call me a neat freak. I can't spell. I want to learn to speak another language. I love to get mail and e-mail. I have never broken a bone and I've only had stitches twice, if you want I will show you my scars. If you would like to know more email me.
(http://images.craigslist.org/3ka3m53p2ZZZZZZZZZ94480376af60bdd1ba1.jpg)
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Is that a tranny?
-
I don't know ...
-
That's how they getcha...
-
Hmm, let's ask the expert ...
Hey, krapsna ...
-
That's a dude.
Damnit, where's Mosh to grab some suspected tranny packaged when you need confirmation?
-
Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
So, you're Bloodninja?
-
That's a dude.
Damnit, where's Mosh to grab some suspected tranny packaged when you need confirmation?
I woulda asked him next, or, if you weren't around ...
-
I'd do it too... theres only one sure...
-
Awesome.
Rape Fantasy - w4m - 45 (North Austin)
Reply to: pers-rmxat-1107643796@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-04, 10:02PM CDT
Would love for a perfect stranger to waltz into my unlocked house tonight and have their way with me...if I like your pic you will be the one to get my address! Can't wait to feel you inside of me!!
* Location: North Austin
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
-
And she's only 45 years old.
You go girl!
-
Hmmmm ....
I'd be weary of that one ...
-
that would be a good way to get revenge on someone you don't like.
-
Sorry the pic link didn't work. The girl who sent me her pic looked just like "J", that's the only reason I posted it, I thought it was funny because it was ironic! Nar-Nar
-
Just give us a link to the personal itself ...
-
Hmmmm ....
I'd be weary of that one ...
Yeah. me too, after I'd "raped" her 4 or 5 times.
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Do it with a tazer ...
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Pfft... gotta be more rural... cattleprod.
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Yeah. me too, after I'd "raped" her 4 or 5 times.
And that's just the foreplay. Zing!
-
Foreplay?
-
What's that, Ian?
-
Dunno... some new age concept wank thing I think...
-
So, it's when I swing my balls into the fan when I'm getting that thing called a "blowjob"?
-
So, it's when I swing my balls into the fan when I'm getting that thing called a "blowjob"?
no, i think that's called castration.
-
Just fuck already, you two. And videotape it and post it here.
-
You two above first ...
-
or all four of us together!
-
But Sarah and I don't have faggy sexual tension like you two. So that wouldn't make as much sense.
-
But Sarah and I don't have faggy sexual tension like you two. So that wouldn't make as much sense.
well, i suppose that depends on who you ask.
-
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA ....
PWNED!!!
-
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
-
I don't get it.
-
I'm crying here, I'm laughing so hard!
-
yeah, i think i'm missing something too. oh well!
HAHAHAHAHAHA
(what)
-
QUOTED!
-
But Sarah and I don't have faggy sexual tension like you two. So that wouldn't make as much sense.
10,000th post!
-
W3rd ...
-
yeah, i think i'm missing something too. oh well!
HAHAHAHAHAHA
(what)
OMFG LOL ROFL !?!!!!!!111111111111111111111122222222222222222222222222221111111111212!
(what?)
-
LMFAo.
(http://www.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/a61d0fcb17.gif)
-
(http://4gifs.com/gallery/d/50364-1/ScoobySnack.jpg)
-
That is fucking sick.
-
It's a lol picture, that means it's cute.
-
Hahahah, SOOOOO CUTE!!!
-
hahaha LOL that's awesome! awww he is so cute! is that your dog??
(i mean none of this, except when I asked if it's your dog,
and what I meant was 'is that your cock')
-
That is not cute OR awesome! What is wrong with you people?
-
Sadly it's not my dog, I just found the picture online :'(
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hahaha LOL that's awesome! awww he is so cute! is that your dog??
(i mean none of this, except when I asked if it's your dog,
and what I meant was 'is that your cock')
You've already seen my cock, can't you tell if that's it or not?
-
hahaha LOL that's awesome! awww he is so cute! is that your dog??
(i mean none of this, except when I asked if it's your dog,
and what I meant was 'is that your cock')
You've already seen my cock, can't you tell if that's it or not?
When you've seen so many, they all kind of blur together...?
-
Wow, how many have you seen(/gobbled)?
-
Wow, how many have you seen(/gobbled)?
This isn't a competition, Danzig, it's a burn on katie. hoor! :)
PS - you can still compete with her if you'd like, though.
-
I doubt I'd ever win even if I wanted to.
-
p.s to all the haters: i've only seen 7 penises up close and personal
-
Yeah cuz you're usually bent over a propane tank behind the gas station.
-
(http://www.blackfive.net/photos/uncategorized/2009/01/30/fire_fight_hires_090120f1975m103b.jpg)
-
"I'll tell you hwhat!"
-
It's not Katie's fault she doesn't recognize it. I dosed her with ruphies.
-
p.s to all the haters: i've only seen 7 penises up close and personal
In a row?
-
7 penises... stop lying. You saw at least 100 of them in that gangbang video you were in. Or were your eyes glued shut from all the bukkake?
-
Try not to suck any dick on the way out to the parking lot!
-
Clerks; the best reference for ANYTHING - EVER!
-
Clerks; The best reference for movies that suck.
-
clerks - hard to swallow for those who don't understand NJ
-
I love Clerks ...
I even have the 6 episodes of the cartoon ....
-
yeah the cartoon's not bad
-
seen 7 penises
There are so many ways around that loophole
-
From our standpoint or ours?
-
Or ours, even.
-
Yeah, where was I going with that?
-
From your standpoint or yours?
-
*head pops*