Ball bearings!

Testicles make you go faster.

So, ummm, anyone WITH Testes can go faster than anyone withOUT 'em?

i don't think so

especially not if the skin of one quick-dries from a puff of breeze,

thereby causing it to STICK, like Mick, to your leg,

causing MASSIVE injury and pain, especially when those short hairs pluck themselves,

not to SPEAK of what is CoNtAiNeD within that skin.

* shoots self in face

* shoots self in face with Empscum

Fixed!

Hmmm ...
1) it'd make him go faster
2) you're fitting in nicely here; it was even pretty much in context

* shoots self in face with Empscum

Fixed!

This works on so many levels.