so i'm having a gossipy conversation with someone at work. this someone is my closest friend at work, and would never repeat our discussions with anyone else. we happened to be standing by the ice machine. the ice machine is centrally located in the back of the house, between the two kitchen areas. we were discussing the sous chef's affinity for flirting openly and heavily with the bulgarian girl who does prep/salad work in the kitchen in the evenings when we're open for business, even if it's mid-dinner rush. we were saying we'd sure hope our husbands (her current hubby, and mine of my future) wouldn't flirt so with anyone, and isn't it interesting how he's cheated on his wife before? we implied we would guess as much by his behavior at work. he does have a known history of cheating on his wife, with whom he has two little boys. both husband and wife are about 3 years older than i am, and we all grew up on the cape. i was informed of his infidelities by that cunty ex-roommate of mine, who was and still is a friend of the wife in this story. for the record, i've heard it from others, too. specifically, everyone knows he was with this ugly white trash chick who used to work the counter at the local dunkin donuts franchise.

somebody overheard the conversation. i come to this conclusion after the facebook message that popped up on my iphone a few minutes ago. it said:

"i know i don't really know you, but i would appreciate it if you stopped telling lies about my husband cheating on my 10 times especially at his work
Thanks"

i wrote back:

"sorry, amber, i don't really know you either, but apparently something i said was overheard and taken out of context. i very clearly remember the conversation i had in which frank was mentioned, and those words never came out of my mouth. consider the possibility you have been misinformed as to my exact statements in the aforementioned conversation. i'm not sure where you got your information, but a mutual acquaintance and former co-worker of mine is the one who long ago divulged to me information regarding indiscretions in your marriage. it's absolutely none of my business, but i won't tolerate being called a liar by a stranger who didn't hear the entire conversation. a gossip? yes. liar? not intentionally. truly sorry for the misunderstanding. i will do my best to refrain from gossiping about you or your husband at work within earshot of anyone who might get it wrong again. i hope you remember that when people play telephone, words usually get twisted around or changed entirely."

too much? i can't believe i have to walk into work tonight and deal with this douchebag, frank. he sucks at cooking. he sucks at being faithful to his wife. he sucks at not flirting with the bulgarian girl. he sucks at not being a dick to me anyway, and as he's the kitchen manager and i'm the floor manager, i already can't escape him. why me? why can't a girl fucking gossip anymore? blah blah, i'm a terrible person for talking about this girl's marriage without knowing her. i do feel guilty that my (albeit misrepresented) sentiment may have hurt someone's feelings. i just don't feel like walking into this shit tonight.

GOSSIPING IS BAD! it will come back to bite you in the ass! who knew?

Aren't restaurants notorious for gossip?

Maybe should tell her husband to go into a different line of work if she wants to avoid being the subject of gossip.

ha. I love gossip and I bitch about everyone. In fact, I was doing it today, by text...

I sometimes find myself drawn in by celebrity gossip, but I don't know how I could ever find the day to day indiscretions of colleagues and co-workers interesting enough to talk about openly with others.

Also, what does this have to do with Facebook?  It's not mentioned anywhere in your entire post but is in the title.

e: oh nm, someone msg'd you from Facebook.  I read it phone and assumed it was a text or something.

So, do you think John and Kate are really broken up, for good?

Even though she's had 8 kids I'd still fuck her.

You're kidding, right? She's a raging bitch, or was until she got kicked to the curb. She's learned a little humility.

my night at work was soo interesting.

talk about other stuff than your direct colleagues then

i got another message while at work to the tune of:

"katie, i know exactly who you are and what you're like" (no she doesn't) "your young and your spitefulnes will get you nowhere. leave me and my husbands name out of your mouth next time you want to gossip about people with kids. i know exactly who DIVULGED stories to you about my marrage, and believe me, neither of you have any right talking about cheating on spouses" (what? i haven't ever really cheated, and once made out with someone as a teen when i was in a relationship, a story which i forgot until very recently) "in a game of telephone you heard wrong info about my husband, and i'd apprecieate it if you stopped spreading incorrect info about us. i didn't call you a liar, just that your info was a liar."

how can i be expected to take this seriously? well, i tried. i wrote back:

"i'm not trying to be spiteful here, amber. as i said i'm truly sorry for having any part in this. my comment about the "telephone game" was actually in reference to you not hearing what i actually said, but what someone said i said. with that said, i no longer wish to argue semantics with you, and i don't know what else you want me to say to make up for what was simply a little innocent, misconstrued work gossip between two friends who wouldn't have taken it any further, and a sneaky eavesdropper who tattled like a cindy brady and unneccessarily hurt you in the process. hope this can end now."

two minutes later my phone beeps:

"absolutly it has already ended with me"

JESUS CHRIST. the cook in question was such a motherfucking douchebag to me last night, and i overheard the call he received from the wifey around the time in which the messages ceased. his side of the convo was held behind the line in the kitchen, middle of service, and it sounded something like "oh...okay, well...that's settled then." he's that much of a man that he couldn't speak with me himself, after running home to cry to the wife about big bad katie who he heard said something mean, especially in the interest of maintaining a pleasant future working environment together. hilarious. he sucks. why would you ever marry such a pussy?

I don't ever take personal calls at work unless I'm on break and nowhere near others, I don't know why people would take them in the open in a communal working environment.

Having to deal with workplace drama sucks.

why would you ever marry such a pussy?

I'm going to go with they fucked, she got knocked up, family forced them to get married.

he cheated on her pre-marriage. twice, according to legend (oops, i'm gossiping again!). they had a little boy, got married when he was 2 or something. he cheated on her for a period of time with the dunkin donuts ho. they had another baby boy about 6 months ago. married 8 years. both 30 years of age. what a shit life that all would be. the kids are cute, but will probably be very stupid judging by the mother's spelling errors and the extreme lack in good judgement it seems the two of them have shown over the years together. i guess it's better they end up together than with anybody else, though, right? incidentally, gossip katie would like to mention that this chick was one of those ghetto hootchie mama types in high school, with a really tight, slicked back high ponytail, and humongously baggy jeans paired with a belly-baring tiny tank and ginormous, shoulder grazing gold hoop earrings. is this my life? getting "told" by some former high school ghetto bitch? get me the fuck out of here.

So, do you think John and Kate are really broken up, for good?

Regis doesn't think so!

---

Anyway, Katie, I'd go with something along the lines of, "Bitch, fuck the fuck off. Keep yo' man in check and this shit won't be a topic of anyone's discussion. Yo' beef ain't with me, bitch.



Lodimerci."

Eh, you bitched at work, about work and you got caught. More of a 'deal with it' situation cuz you sure ain't the victim here.


I doubt you're the first person she's had to deal with for this kind of thing.

No, Si's correct ...

Why don't you fuck the cook guy to prove to his wife he's a lying cheat?  That would do it!


I gossip allllll the time, but the difference between me and a lot of people is that if someone confronts me about it I won't take any shit.  I think that has scared everyone away from getting on my ass about gossiping.  Someone will text me that they don't like me because I gossiped about them. I then write back that if they have a problem then they can tell me to my face.  Nine times out of ten it ends there, but if it doesn't, it ends at the bar when I knock a bitch to the floor.

This is odd; I'm liking you and more every day ....

I noticed that the more I stop giving a shit about common courtesy and morals, you like me more....

It's how I roll, so I identify with it ...

You think you have fun times at work with emotional people? I'm employed by the French

The only French person I know lives off of the government collecting insanity checks.  French people have it figured out in my eyes.

hm, some of my colleagues could certainly make a case for the same treatment

i cared for a little, old french lady.

Because i love pizza,

and would order one approximately every other week, with them lasting a good while so she saw me eating it pretty often,

she told all of her friends that i was Italian!  ha ha ha ha ha

(Look at my pic ~ i do NOT look Italian, at ALL!)

No, Si's correct ...

They both are.

Si was drunk when he posted that.

And it's beginning to annoy me that I often seem to post drunk, not even really remember posting till I see it the next day, yet somehow my posts aren't completely incomprehensible. They're just not nearly as funny or clever as they seemed when I was wasted.

Well you're not 50 and you don't have far too many cats. Someone already doing that routine here...

Huh? Whoever can you be speaking of?