So this chick, a different and older chick than the other one (she's 28) wants me to come hang out with her tomorrow so we can drink wine and chill.  It turns out she is roommates with another female that I met online and hung out with for a little while.  Actually, she really wants me to come over.  Throughout the entire night she kept telling me again and again, what seemed liked a dozen times, that she wanted me to go over her place for booze, epic snuggling, and "maybe little kisses".  Below are a few excerpts from tonight's chat. 

For the record, she has already been informed that I am a fat, apathetic, jobless druggie (and any other crap about me)...and that I'm only looking for a friend...and not looking for sex right now (which might or might not be 90% due to the fact that I'd like to delay telling any chick that I have HPV for as long as possible).  This is the exact reason why I made the decision to air all of my dirty laundry immediately (other than STD thing) when I start talking to a girl; so this chick knows exactly who I am and what I'm about so I will know if she is truly into me or not.  I think it was a wise decision.

As for the suspicious: any omissions from the chat are NOT going to change the context of the sentences, I swear to zombie christ.  It's just to cut out the bullshit and get to the point

Sarah:   how do you feel about touching?
Me:   Touching what?
Sarah:   people
Me:   I'm totally cool with it.....(Etc.)
(Etc.)
Sarah:   I say that but most people get the feeling that if they touch me I'll freak out and mostly that's because i will... If i like you and want you to touch me i don't want you to stop
Me:   I would never touch someone unless I was getting total green lights
(Etc.)
Sarah:   you might be able to touch me fairly quickly

A couple hours later...

Sarah:   dude if you hang out and we touch will you rub my shoulders? do you do that?
Me:   Hah, you really don't even have to ask
Me:   I like touching goils
Sarah:   lol okay
Sarah:   really need a shoulder rub

At the end of the convo she seems to get a tad aggressive about how she wants me over there since I hadn't given her a concrete yes or no about it (I'll explain why later)...

(Etc.)
Sarah:   it would make me happy if that helps at all
Me:   It would make you happy if I drank?
Me:   Haha
Sarah:   if you came over
Me:   Oh ok
Me:   I feel bad about not giving you a definite answer tonight, cuz I normally don't do that
Me:   BUt I really have to go by how I feel
Sarah:   it's okay im also doing my crazy random routine
Me:   If it's random then it isn't a routine, is it?
Sarah:   that's true. I'm just like this. I want you over here now actually.

So apparently she wants me over there now and she really would like me to touch her.  Yeah, I was thinking "Whaaaaaaaa???......*blink blink*........FUCKING SWEET!".  I almost forgot what it was like to have a chick want me, it's been so long ever since I became really reclusive.  And fuck, I imagined getting close and personal with this chick, and trying to remember "What exactly am I supposed to do with these so-called "females" that are all smooth and smell nice?" 
Haha, ok, that wasn't true.  I'm not that bad.  I'm pretty sure that rediscovering my game is kinda like riding a bike.  The issue at the moment though, as you can see in the above excerpt, is that I've been on a speed run and she wants me over tomorrow night or I won't be able to go over for a couple weeks.  The thing is, is that I have no fucking idea where my head will be at and if I will even have it in me tomorrow to go visit.  I'll be trying my damnedest to get my head together so I can make this happen.  I just realized though that the likelihood of things getting heated beyond what our plans are is pretty high...and I reeeeeeally don't wanna have to give that painful speech about why I can't fuck...just not that fucking soon, you know?  But on a positive note, if she ends up being really horny I'll be more than happy to give her the best oral of her life, and I think that would be something we could both enjoy very much considering the circumstances.  So, yeah, as of now, I'm really nervous about this as if I was in high school again.  I'll fill you all in on the juicy details, but I'll refrain from posting a bagman-esque Penthouse letter that would be in the dictionary under "TMI". 

Comments, questions, hints, or tips?

*Fuck, I almost forgot the most important part: the pics.  I gotta go fetch them.
**Update:  She ended up telling me she had cervical cancer, and we got on the subject of HPV.  I felt comfortable enough with her and told her, she didn't think it was a big deal at all (or so that's how she came off...who knows if she was just being nice and decided not to talk to me anymore.....there goes my paranoia).  Point:  I'm really fucking glad that shit is out of the way.

Ok, got pics:

There is something familiar about those pics. And you answered your own question/s in the post.

1.  I would be very intrigued if you happened to recognize some random girl from central Maine, especially considering you live on the other side of the planet.
2.  I had questions in the post?  And I answered the questions that I didn't know I asked???  Wow.

I read the question ' Am I a pussy ? ' I read the answer as ' Yes.'

p.s. What difference does my location make when I say somebody looks familiar ?

Double fist her.

That's the way to conduct a first date.

I read the question ' Am I a pussy ? ' I read the answer as ' Yes.'

Oh! I almost forgot: Your mom.

p.s. What difference does my location make when I say somebody looks familiar ?

*sigh*.....I really don't like having the job of answering retarded questions.  Well, I suppose someone has to do it:  It makes a huge fucking difference because the farther you are from someone who's pic you recognize, the more gigantic oceans are in between you and that person, than the less likely you would most certainly be of actually knowing this person.

Sincerely,
-Captain Obvious

Double fist her.

That's the way to conduct a first date.

In all seriousness, I would totally do it if she requested.

I said she LOOKED familiar not, I KNOW HER. Dipshit. I mean ffs ....INTERNET ? That thing you use to pretend you have a life ?  So my location means fuck all.

She looks like a girl I knew who would blow anybody on the first date. Sweet girl. Great skills. Maybe you will have similar luck?

I said she LOOKED familiar not, I KNOW HER. Dipshit. I mean ffs ....INTERNET ? That thing you use to pretend you have a life ?  So my location means fuck all.

I've noticed that the longer and more drawn out a patronizing post is, the more the target of said message flips their shit.  Hehehe.....

Calm down my niggs...I'm just playin' whichyo cracker ass.....here, try some of this:

She looks like a girl I knew who would blow anybody on the first date. Sweet girl. Great skills. Maybe you will have similar luck?

In good time.....in good time.

Tell her you can fill the void in her life, but don't let on that by void you mean any place where your dick can go.

You mean try and make her want it subliminally?

....shit, I gotta get on top of infusing my own personal backmasked lyrics with her favorite albums.

She seems the type that already wants it. No coaxing needed.

Well I know for a fact that she definitely wants to be touched.....and in my mind the logical conclusion is touching the insides.

Sounds more like she is just being coy.

Most likely.  And don't forget the shenanigans that alcohol can induce.  Who knows what the fuck will happen when she starts drinking .....hopefully penetration of multiple orifices.

Might want to check her disease status as well before you starting stabbing her with the pork sword or the tongue dagger.

She looks like she's pretty fat.  I wouldn't hit it if I were you.  She looks like someone who would fall in love instantly and then go psycho on you.... but she does look like someone who would suck your cock on the first date.

What is that thing about piercing above the lip about?
it looks fucking horrible.

She looks like she has large tits, which is a plus. She also looks much younger then 28, which may not be a plus.

The Monroe piercing is hit and miss. On some chicks, it looks great and quite natural. On others, it just looks like they are doing anything for attention.

And she does have that doe eyed look that whispers in your ear, "If you touch my vagina with anything remotely phallus looking, we are bound together forever, no matter what other whore you are with."

But chubby chicks are great lays. Now that I think about it, I haven't done a skinny chick in wow... 12 years. I'm good with it.

She looks like she's pretty fat.  I wouldn't hit it if I were you. 

1.  Completely disregarding my own weight, my social status, or anything else that society might use as a guide to what "league" I'm in......I still love big girls.  Has that not been established yet? 

2.  Even if I wasn't fond of big girls, it would be quite hypocritical of me to judge and deem someone as unfuckable when that person is clearly on the same level of fuckability as myself.

Also, it's not becoming of you to be so blatantly shallow (at least try and pretend to appear otherwise), especially when you're not model material yourself.  Just sayin'.....humbleness is generally regarded as a favorable trait.

The Monroe piercing is hit and miss. On some chicks, it looks great and quite natural. On others, it just looks like they are doing anything for attention.

And she does have that doe eyed look that whispers in your ear, "If you touch my vagina with anything remotely phallus looking, we are bound together forever, no matter what other whore you are with."

But chubby chicks are great lays. Now that I think about it, I haven't done a skinny chick in wow... 12 years. I'm good with it.

Indeed, the truth is that the largest girl I had ever been with was the best fuck and gave the best head.

What's the big deal?  Wrap it up and stick it in, man.  Or do the teen thing and dry hump.  You know...just be kinda gentle...you might pop her cancer or some shit.

You know...just be kinda gentle...you might pop her cancer or some shit.

hahahahaha

Sasha is right, bitch just wants to trap you with a jellyfish baby.

She looks like she's pretty fat.  I wouldn't hit it if I were you.  She looks like someone who would fall in love instantly and then go psycho on you.... but she does look like someone who would suck your cock on the first date.

Sasha's absolutely correct, but I'd like to add that not only does she look like someone who's going to go crazy on you, her chat also sounds like someone who's going to go crazy on you.

Still, I disagree with Sasha's advice not to hit it. I advise you to hit it, and then watch the fireworks of craziness afterward.

Where can I get a jellyfish baby? They sound awesome.

She looks like she's pretty fat.  I wouldn't hit it if I were you.  She looks like someone who would fall in love instantly and then go psycho on you.... but she does look like someone who would suck your cock on the first date.

Sasha's absolutely correct, but I'd like to add that not only does she look like someone who's going to go crazy on you, her chat also sounds like someone who's going to go crazy on you.

Still, I disagree with Sasha's advice not to hit it. I advise you to hit it, and then watch the fireworks of craziness afterward.

I'm just really curious if she will be the good, neutral, or bad crazy.

Go find out, asswipe!

I'm just really curious if she will be the good, neutral, or bad crazy.

Well, go fuck her and find out! And take vagina photos and post them here.

Go find out, asswipe!

I'm just really curious if she will be the good, neutral, or bad crazy.

Well, go fuck her and find out! And take vagina photos and post them here.