http://www.cracked.com/article/109_natures-6-most-diabolical-predators/

Blister Beetle Grubs

You're a male Habropoda pallida, a type of solitary bee, and we're all very impressed that you're using the Internet right now. But let's play pretend, shall we? Let's say you're out there flitting about in nature, when you happen to glance down and spot a female. You bumble* your way down in typical horny bee fashion to show that honey* what a stinger can do (we don't really understand bee anatomy; the stinger is the penis, right?), but something's not right. It feels different. It feels... wrong.

*Yes, those were bee-based puns, and yes, you're welcome.

That's because you just boned a giant blob of hairy, squirming, baby-eating worms. But... why? Do bees even have tequila? Why on Earth did you do that?

Because broods of the parasitic blister beetle, Meloe franciscanus, fooled you: They clumped together in approximately the shape of a female bee, and then released a pheromone to entice presumably wasted bees with low standards buzzing their way home from last call.

So while the bee tries in vain to find a vagina in a ball of worms, the grubs latch onto his fur and stay there until the next time he mates with an actual female, at which point they'll transfer to her body and hitch a ride back to the bee nursery, free to feast upon the helpless infants within.

So in summation: Meloe franciscanus are, essentially, living parasitic STDS. You couldn't have a worse sexual experience if you went down on C'thulu against a dumpster in the alleyway behind a crackhouse. You ruined sex for everything, Meloe. Thanks a lot.

wow

Why do hot women have to ruin everything with small details? Like "I have beetle larvae in my vagina" or "That not a clit, it's a penis, suck it anyway" and "That's not a penis, it's a clit, where are your boobs, girly man?"

Bitches...

... or in this case, that's not a clit, it's a mess of parasitic bugs that will eat your tribe alive

Did you read about the Portia Spider? Those fuckers think and learn...

I don't like spider to start with, but those guys actually plan your demise.

The spider also practices cannibalism before and after copulation. The female usually twists and lunges at the mounted male (P. fimbriata however, is an exception; it does not usually exhibit such behavior.). If the male is killed before completing copulation, the male sperm is removed and the male is then eaten. If the male finishes mating before being killed, the sperm is kept for fertilization and the male is eaten. A majority of males are usually killed during sexual encounters.

And she's ugly too.

If the male is killed before completing copulation, the male sperm is removed and the male is then eaten.

What a picky bitch. If I kill some broad whilst knocking her up I just let it go. And I don't eat her after. Much.

And she's ugly too.

You picked a photo with a bad angle.  



awww, so cute!

Looks like one of those jumping spiders. They are cute.

Anyone who has spent much time in the wilderness knows that nature wants to kill you.

But it's nothing personal.

Nature just expects people to abide by the lessons their parents taught them - don't put things in your mouth, keep your hands to yourself, pay attention to what's going on around you, etc.

I don't mind spiders.  They're welcome to kill any of the insects that want to crawl into my house.

If they make Danzig wet himself they're absolutely OK with me...

I can't wait until Dylan sees this thread..

He'll just say I'm an asshole and am using his unnatural fears to ridicule him. Which I am.

Spiders look like they're staring directly into my soul.

I'm pretty sure Dylan is cool with the little jumping spiders. He and I have close to identical tastes as far as arthropods are concerned.

Anyone who has spent much time in Australia knows that nature wants to kill you.

But it's nothing personal.

Co-signed

Anyone who has spent much time in Australia knows that the women chunder.

But it's nothing personal.

Anyone who has spent much time in Australia knows that song was written by a Scot.

But it's nothing personal.

Anyone who has spent much time in Australia knows that the women are Paul Hogan.

But it's nothing personal.

Anyone who has spent much time in... *yawn*   you fuckers are boring, neither of you has the larger penis.

Anyone who has spent much time in... *yawn*   it's past my bedtime!

So it is.

Jumping spiders kicks ass.

Hillarious jumping spider mating behaviour

This is exactly the same way I use to get the women. Dazzle them with moves, then go in for the kick-ass spider-sex.

OK I hate to be critical but that kinda sucked because there was no spider fucking and she didn't eat him afterward.

Wheres that flying snake? That thing rocks.

That jumping spider looked like he was doing some kind of Jedi mind trick on her.

It also makes me think about how human males get off way too easy when it comes to mating. We should really make you do a special dance and reject you if we don't like it.

Damn, you mean the Macarena would get me into your panties? Why didn't you say so sooner?

It eats your tongue, and then it becomes your tongue.