I am.



I also see something for Zoomie, and for Dylan!

hahahahaha .....
I thought that too!

I already know how to season a skillet, thanks.

I learned that some people I went to high school have tattoos on their neck

I re-learned that my immediate family are a bunch of ingrates.

Damn short term memory loss...

I learned that driving two hours in a car packed with presents, a dog, the cat, the son, and my wife is not a joyful end to Christmas Eve.

No nice secluded areas to dump the lot, eh?

The dog at least was nice enough to not fart in the truck.

Our dogs are the biggest fart machines I've ever had the displeasure of meeting!!!

i own a Boston terrier. they are known for being farty dogs.

My lab puppy farts in his sleep, demands to sleep on the floor next to my bed and his farts smell like a homeless guy bathed in an overflowing catbox and then caught on fire.

With our dogs, it just smells like something crawled up into them


and DIED.

Shoot them in the face and the spray will make you smell like something flew onto your face and died.

Too funneh!

My dad always asks me if I've gotten any new pets their SHOTS ~

'cuz if not?  HE'll give 'em a couple ~ with his 22!

Your dad is not funny.  That is animal cruelty.

Sometimes.  But the only animals we put down are the one's we truly can't help.

Shit.  My dad would shoot ME before he'd shoot any of the animals!  rofl

My family are mental and have problems. I've only just realized this and I'm not sure what, if anything I should do about it.

A sewing machine is a good investment. I sewed a lot of my gifts this christmas

I did too and then I kept them all. 

A sewing machine is a good investment. I sewed a lot of my gifts this christmas

I can see where a sewing machine would have saved me quite a lot of hand-sewing time the other day.

However, I feel it's important to start with the fundamentals.  I even discovered a hand-stitch that seems to do fairly well for seams!

You make the most fun things in my life seem less fun when you do them.  Please don't go on about the fundamentals of giving a hand job.  It will ruin it.

Yeah, do a thang on The Fundamentals of Starting With The Fundamentals.

For us fundamentalists.

You make the most fun things in my life seem less fun when you do them.

The first memory I have of you is when you were trying to get a kite to fly in Zilker park on a windless day; you just kept running around on the soccer fields with the kite kind of rising and falling behind you.  You never got it to fly and that really pissed you off, so we went and got frozen custard and you were happy again.

Do I just need to buy you some custard, and then you'll enjoy sewing again?

edit:
root - "how to give a"

OK I looked at the Urban Dictionary and I know what a Raymond Burr is but wtf is a Homeless Joe? Some homoerotic cancer treatment name after Brian???

No I know... you innocently visit some chick on the other side of the world and then insult her father years later, amirite?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=homeless+joe

A person that wants to live in the 70s and plays rockin guitar, harmonica and mandolin. He isn't a stoner cos he doesn't pay for what he smokes and is really cool.

WOW! It is there and it's about ME!

I learnt zoomie can't read.

It says is really cool, no way that's about you

You make the most fun things in my life seem less fun when you do them.

The first memory I have of you is when you were trying to get a kite to fly in Zilker park on a windless day; you just kept running around on the soccer fields with the kite kind of rising and falling behind you.  You never got it to fly and that really pissed you off, so we went and got frozen custard and you were happy again.

Do I just need to buy you some custard, and then you'll enjoy sewing again?

No.  I require much more expensive things to make me happy now days. 

Yeah, and if she wanted custard she'd get it straight from the tap ...

The tap of a foxy in shape stud from the other side of town.  Can I get a high five Thrash!?