I miss the beach. Haven't been in over a month. I wish I wasn't 18 fucking miles away from the dunes.

My lil boy and lil girl start preschool today.

They are attending the elementary school nearby. The school runs on a year-round calender, so the school year begins in July. K-5 started July 11th and preschool and pre-k start today.

I turned on the news to see that at 6:30am, it was 83F outside and humid. It is suppose to be 105F by noon.  I was planning on having a nice Mom-Dad-kiddos walk the 5 or so blocks this morning. I think I'm gonna drive them instead. Why show up for the first day of school all sweaty?

Where are you from, again?

Des Moines, Iowa. That city all the national newscasts broadcast from every 4 years and then leave as soon as the caucus is over.

Brysontown!

I've met very few from Iowa in all my lifetime travels ...
I wonder what that means ...

Not very many people live in Iowa?

... or leave it

Yeah, that makes sense too.

A friend from high school went to grad school in Iowa.

He had no interest in staying any longer than absolutely necessary.

Well it's sort of just big and flat and empty, isn't it? I think of Iowa as being similar to Nebraska. Not that I've been to either...

It's between Nebraska and Wyoming population-wise ...
Exist in the sticks and die ...

Gee, why are you guys hating on a state you don't even know about yo?

We seem to have lost posts.

Yeah. The whole part about me going to Adventureland is gone.

I spent a bunch of time in "the largest wave pool in Iowa" and the lazy river with Zach and went on a buch of waterslides.
Then, my son wanted to go on all the rides that spin you around. Excess water in my ears earlier coupled with all the spinny rides I took J on made me sit out the rollercoasters.

It is nice that my 3 year olds are tall enough to ride on more than the "baby" rides, but that damn Octopus ride made me all sorts of dizzy...and not the good kind.

The highschool I went to here has several famous alumni. Off the top of my head, Cloris Leachman and Lolo Jones.

I'm not a fan of the small towns here.  I'll visit them sometimes, but small towns in general creep me out.

A lot of my friends from high school are surprised I am "still in Des Moines". It may have something to do with getting pregnant right after high school. My grandparents lived at least 4 hours away. My parents also wanted to be close to any grandbabies. Des Moines really isn't a bad place to raise kids. Most of my friends that left Iowa are just starting to have kids, but they have skype and shit that I didn't have 13 years ago to keep in touch with family back here.

Shit People From Des Moines Say

It should be called "Shit White People in Des Moines say" , but it is pretty accurate.

My mom helped settle most of the Vietnamese refugees here in the 80's. I say the name of the best Vietnamese restaurant the right way: "Ah Dong".
Damnit! Now I'm craving A Dong right now....

And yes, anything decent outside of Des Moines is "about a 3 hour drive".

Craving A Dong got you those kids right out of high school, you know ...

 You just made me lol for about 3 minutes there

Found this one that I'm pretty sure was made in Iowa City (about a 3 hour drive from here) that is pretty accurate.

**note** RAGBRAI is this annoying thing every year where morons from around the world decide to bike across Iowa in the fucking middle of summer. They in small towns every night, get drunk and fuck in tents then wake up in the morning and take off, leaving trash, used condoms, and empty beer bottles behind. As you might notice by now, I fucking hate RAGBRAI. However, I have actually seen people "training for RAGBRAI" when there is snow on the ground. Dude, there isn't gonna be any snow here in July..besides, the streets haven't been salted, get off your fucking bike before you kill yourself on the ice.


Sh*t Iowa People Say

Since I was looking at shit from around Des Moines on Youtube, I was gonna see if I could find any of the infamous middle school fights. Harding is the worst. The Kid who kept me here goes to Weeks Middle School. This is what is commonly done before school.


weeks middle school cwalk

CT:

Curiosity in on the ground and nominal. Yea!

CQ: Hey MacGirlver, what the heck is going on there?

"About 40,000 shovelnose sturgeon were killed in Iowa last week as water temperatures reached 97 degrees. Nebraska fishery officials said they've seen thousands of dead sturgeon, catfish, carp, and other species in the Lower Platte River, including the endangered pallid sturgeon. And biologists in Illinois said the hot weather has killed tens of thousands of large- and smallmouth bass and channel catfish and is threatening the population of the greater redhorse fish, a state-endangered species."

http://news.yahoo.com/thousands-fish-die-midwest-streams-heat-183228110.html

Training for RAGBRAI??? Seriously? I mean... unless you're up near Minnesota or over near Omaha it's almost totally flat... why bother?

We seem to have lost posts.

Quite a few actually.

CQ: Hey MacGirlver, what the heck is going on there?

"About 40,000 shovelnose sturgeon were killed in Iowa last week as water temperatures reached 97 degrees. Nebraska fishery officials said they've seen thousands of dead sturgeon, catfish, carp, and other species in the Lower Platte River, including the endangered pallid sturgeon. And biologists in Illinois said the hot weather has killed tens of thousands of large- and smallmouth bass and channel catfish and is threatening the population of the greater redhorse fish, a state-endangered species."

http://news.yahoo.com/thousands-fish-die-midwest-streams-heat-183228110.html

From what I have heard, it is because we are in the middle of a huge drought. Lake levels and river levels are very low where the fish are.

Fishing guides for corporate retreats are pissed.

You just made me lol for about 3 minutes there

* Thrash bows *

Im currently thinking that I dont wanna.

Laugh for 3 minutes again?
Damn; and I had a good one too!

So yesterday the nieces came to visit so I could give the youngest one her birthday present. They brought along their stepsister who was down visiting also, who I haven't seen in a long while due to family drama issues etc etc.  She was pretty quiet and shy, until she saw my copy of Modern Warfare 3 sitting on a shelf and her eyes lit up, and she asked me if she could play it. I was wary, because she's only nine, but she swore that her parents let her play it all the time on her older brother's xbox, and knowing them how I do I decided that was probably likely (these are the parents who nicknamed their youngest "Hookie-La" after a song that Satan sang in an episode of South Park). It couldn't hurt to let her play it for a few minutes, and if it looked like something that her young mind couldn't handle I'd turn it off and put on Skate 2 for her. So I put the game in and handed her the controller, and she started up Survival Mode.

Never in my life have I seen such wanton, gleeful murder from a nine year old child. It was obvious that they did let her play it often because she was three times as good at it as I was. I sat there and watched her run around and take down enemy soldiers like a sharpshooter on meth with her Desert Eagle. She never missed a shot, and every round went into a head or other vital body organ, all while yelling at the top of her little lungs, "You want some!? Come get it! Think you can hide over there EAT A GRENADE!" It was surreal to watch.

I have never been prouder to be her step-uncle.

Hahahaha ...
Kids these days ...

CT: I often get really fucked up and say stupid shit. Sorry about that guys.
You should expect it by now. Don't let that stop you from calling me on it though.
I've learned a lot associating with ya all. A lot about things I assumed without proof and was called on and some things I'm still convinced of despite the public record.
But for the shit over the years, I thank you guys.