Thanks eitje. This thread rules.
I'll try to figure out how to do this at some point.
And so months later I only remembered the thread because someone showed me this voice email service called Vocaroo.
Here's my voice:
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vcrB67NuFiKDGq0WKI apologize about swearing at the start, but vocaroo is running like shit today so I was just hitting the record button over and over and over again and cursing and suddenly I realized it was recording. I also didn't have the official script in front of me so I just improvised.
Whoever tunes in to hear this message will probably experience the same annoying problems with getting it to actually run. It keeps saying "Could not find server!" So you may have to keep hitting the play button repeatedly. I find that cursing helps as well.
EDIT: OK well it seems to be totally non-responsive right now. Maybe it'll be back up tomorrow... Whatever. I tried.