After hearing the news of one of my coworkers passing, I had a slight jolt. I figured he was just out for the day, but when you realize that part of your daily routine won't be the same, no matter the degree of integration or relevance, it does take at least a minimal toll. From the superficial examination, it means someone else will be moving into that position within the Company, however, there are always deeper and more intimate relationships forged that we don't note or pick up on due to the sheer volume of coworkers and segregated departments. This particular employee was with the company for some time and was endeared to many of the staff.

My interaction with him was limited, that said, my heart goes out to those who were devastated by his passing.

I have had a lot of friends and family pass on in my formative years, and it isn't something to brag about to be true. Each one held a special place in my heart, and each time there was a twinge of pain that hurts worse than before no matter how much you think you are used to it.

I lost a few friends in a matter of weeks at one point. I saw their faces in all the windows we used to walk by downtown. I could still hear their voices in various restaurant booths when I went there, now short three other people. In a matter of days, then weeks, I was living as if I had been without them all along. The only difference was then was that I still thought about them every now and then. I still do to this day. It's one thing to mourn the loss, but it's another to let it define you.

For me, the initial loss is the most severe, but from that moment on, I tend to break the mental bonds and connections to those who have passed. Relatively quickly, the departed become abstracts of their lives and impressions on me. Impressionist memories would be a good description of it. I always remember them as what I liked about them. Their positive qualities and traits always come through and I try to live on as those qualities would guide since it served to endear them to me in the first place.

I've always said that memorials are to comfort the living, the dead have no need for them. I understand it's also a process of grieving, to remember the person in a supportive atmosphere. As my former supervisor and wonderful lady said, we all grieve in our own way. I am the type that wants to be more solitary in my reflections upon the loss of being, that said, I can firmly appreciate the consoling embrace.

In the more traditional sense of mourning, I'm not a proponent of open caskets. The body in the casket to me stopped being the person I knew at the time of death. The animation, the personality, and the glow in the eyes is no longer. No signal I send out will ever be returned by the physical presence that I once knew of the person I adored. It always has a somber ambiance.

I myself prefer a celebratory wake. Have a party, sing songs, rejoice in the life that was and make well for the lives of those still going. I know it's difficult for some to be happy in a time of mortal separation, but that's how I think.

Whenever I do go (and I should really write all this down in a notarized will at some point) I plan on being cremated and I would like to have my ashes thrown into the Detroit River. Moreso than that, I would only ask for the same respect I give others as I would expect for myself. Have a good time and don't be sad on my account. You, as I would, have a full life to live. So.. Live it! Remember the good that was done and live up to what moved your heart from the beginning.

I'm fortunate that very few of my acquaintances have passed on - but I know what you mean.

Good post, man. I reckon you have a pretty good attitude about all this, or at least your attitude mirrors my own.

I live for today and I never think that I'll wake up tomorrow. To be honest, I never thought I would make it past 21. Surprise! 11 years after that and I'm still kicking. Plus, my son always makes me want to wake up tomorrow. It's a reciprocal motivation... Or at least I hope it is on his part. The little bugger.

He won't understand that until later, though. But again, I like the way you think.

I've actually never had someone close to me die yet.  I have this dreadful feeling that it will happen all at once.  My grandfather who I wasn't very close to died...I felt bad about it but I had no need to mourn.  Someone I went to school with died in a car accident and that was more of a shock.  I went to his funeral, watched his sister crying uncontrollably, and was thankful that he was one of the few people in my small private school that I didn't know well, or else I'd probably be doing the same.  Other than that....nothing really, no one.  Everyone I love is still alive and it's gonna fucking ruin me when they die.

I'm in the same boat as CC.

the only person i actually knew, actually remember talking to, that died was my grandma in april and she didn't like me.

Almost everyone I ever knew is dead.

Yup.

I've lost quite a few near and dear to me. The most recent was a former very good friend with whom I'd feuded for the last few years. That was a little weird cuz I didn't wish him dead, but it did reassure me that at least I'd tried extending an olive branch a while back, which he refused.

There was one last May that absolutely gutted me, which I also don't really feel comfortable posting about.

But suffice to say...

it's gonna fucking ruin me when they die.

You live, but it really sucks.

My mom died when I was 6.  My dad has 8 siblings (baby boom) and both his oldest (died in her 60s and) and youngest (died in her early 40s) both died 3 years ago like 2 weeks apart.  Both my grandmothers died in the mid-1990s, and both my grandfathers are in their mid-80s now.  My dad is in pretty poor health and drinks too much, he could die tomorrow or he could live another 30 years like my grandfathers and neither would surprise me.

I've always dealt with death pretty stoically.  People pass in and out of your life as you get older, some die, some move away, some stick around.  Remember the ones who are gone but don't dwell upon them to the detriment of the remainders.  I'm sure my childhood experiences with death shaped my feelings on this, but I don't really know how, since it was really before I was old enough to develop my own reasoning very well.

When the slack's gone out of the springs, just rewind them!

Great thread... I too want my funeral to be a party, clothing optional. Im actually putting that in my will verbatim. Also, it frustrates me that Wakes and Funerals are all about how amazingly wonderful people are. I went to a service for an aquaintance who had just gotten out of a long say in jail for selling drugs to little kiddoes. This guy was a piece if there ever was one. The whole thing was about how good a Catholic he was and how much he loved his Momma. Neither was true. I want some shit talking at mine.

Amen, brah. I want the women of LG to eulogize me. In unison. It should open with "This fuckin' prick..."

Also, it frustrates me that Wakes and Funerals are all about how amazingly wonderful people are.

I agree. I feel like it's kind of a nasty burden on the mourners. I'd be far happier were no words spoken over me when I die. I don't want total silence or anything. You can talk, just don't make a big production about it. No pronouncements or speeches.
It would make a tiny bit of sense if I'd done something amazing with my life, and more were in observance than just those that knew the dead person, but for myself I plan to live more or less anonymously.

EDIT: removing daytrippin spelling errors

I always wanted there to be in my will an amount of money set aside for an open bar.  I think I will write that in eventually and save aside for it.

Amen, brah. I want the women of LG to eulogize me. In unison. It should open with "This fuckin' prick..."

And they all can dip their hand in your urn and smear your ashes all over their breasts.

OK Daddy, you're ruining the vitriol. I want some skanks to step up and tell the world what a dickhead I was.

OK Daddy, you're ruining the vitriol. I want some skanks to step up and tell the world what a dickhead I was.

Nothing wrong with a dirty sultry wake and bare breasts. If there is an afterlife, which I highly doubt there is, I'd like to see some women getting it on in memorial of me. I have goals, what else can I say?

I want to be rewound.

Until this year, i'd never known anyone who died, but my favorite uncle died in January, and my mom in August.

i really thought i'd be a complete basket-case whenever my mom went, but we knew each other so well, and we each knew how much the other one loved us.

The part that has just about killed me is trying to deal with my father, who seems to be crazy and is definitely out-of-control.