if i come home late at night and you have parked in my private, expensive driveway one more fucking time without my consent, after numerous notes and other attempts to contact you about the matter with no response whatsoever, i will have your crappy, piece of shit toyota towed to west ghettofuck rhode island, and call my friend jimmy to go smash it all to shit while it's being detained. i fucking hate you.

How do I love hip?
Let me count the ways ...

For serious.

Sorry mam, but I do it on purpose.

Maybe he likes her; I'm thinking it won't last if he keeps this course to get her attention.

Fuck that.  Pee on his door handle.

Fuck that.  Smear shit on his door handle.

Slash the tires first. Then have it towed.
dont forget to say its abandoned!
Thats how we do it down here.

Thrash nods

You could also dip a sponge in Soda (Coke) and spell out "I love men" on his hood. If left in the sun with no rain it should show in a few days.

Egg yolk and coke mix will accelerate it ...

Glue thumb-tacks to the inside of his windscreen wipers. 'Soon as it rains he'll have pretty patterns.

Do it, damnit, do it! I've only ever seen this done once and nobody has ever sufficiently wronged me since, so I've never done it myself.

Geek wants his scrawny dick that's what this is about.

Settle down, Truvis.

go with a staple... sugar in the fuel tank.... 2 bags oughta do it

and if he leaves to make a short trip to the shops the car might end up in the spot till it's towed.

sugar is only for cars you know aint comming right back.

see that works too... coz if he wants the car to move, he's gonna need a tow... either way

Sorry tru, youre off the mark there. Try tuning the foil to a different station.

Yeah I was wondering about that but momentum overtook me.


hehehehe

I know for a fact that pouring bleach in a gas tank makes the car not drivable after a couple of weeks.  But holy jesus... that thumbtacks on the inside of the wind shield wiper just made me wet.

Glad to be of service.

i do like the tacks-on-the-wipers thing, but boyfriend said no. instead he spoke loudly to the kid and told him he never again wants to hear that his girlfriend is coming home from work late at night to find his or any of his friends' cars in her spot, and if it does happen he will beat his door down and physically drag him out of his apartment in the middle of the night to tell him his car has been towed by a private tow company that shall remain unnamed. happy fucking motoring, kiddo.

That's always that as well ...

Yes because violence is always an acceptable response.

There was no violence; there was a THREAT of violence!

All the cool kids are doing it.

The actual point I was making is that katie and her boyfriend are complete clueless amateurs. You never tell someone who is pissing you off that you're going to do something and you NEVER threaten someone. That is some weak shit.

You get a Home Depot contractor bag and 50 bucks worth of Taco Bell and a pot of strong coffee. Invite some friends over. Have a little party. When the bag is full you elbow the drivers window and upend the bag in the drivers seat. No more problem. The car will simply go away. No threats. That's dumb. That makes people paranoid. That makes people do worse things.

Like videotape their blowjobs and not share?

right?!

Yes because violence is always an acceptable response.

this is not a first-time offender. i think it's the third or fourth time it's happened. each time i have left a simple little notecard that briefly explains that we pay handsomely for a private driveway, and they need to take it up with the landlord if they have an issue with it. i mention that unfortunately the vehicle will be towed if it happens again. what a ballsy motherfucker, all 120lbs of him, taking advantage of my moments of goodwill and NOT having his car towed (which is protocol here).

there are four apartments in my house, and my landlord also owns a 3-family on the same property. until december when we moved here, the big guy had been offering what is now our driveway to all of his tenants as extra parking, most of whom are scruffy, pretty aimless looking college kids (whose parents give them high-limit credit cards and tell them to enjoy their time at university). this also means their friends, friends of friends, etc. the driver of this particular sky blue shimmery piece of crap camry is the repeat offender who blatantly ignores my polite little notes and is obviously in need of both a haircut and a serious licking.

(meanwhile, in e-mail land... surprisingly, we have not yet heard back from landlord regarding aforementioned issue.)