What to do about these bitches.

I love the little fucking washer dogs but I cleaned my rifle night before last and have resigned myself to the disagreeable task of eliminating these cute little pests from my yard.

Just scare them off. They'll learn they can't come back.

Paintball gun.

If you're going to start taking out raccoons you might want to consider a high power air rifle, it will bother the neighbors less.

I have a massive squirrel problem at my house. The little fuckers chewed through the frame around my garage door and took up residene within. Just a couple of months ago I had to rent one of those giant construction site dumpsters and fill it with all of the stuff they ruined by pissing and shitting all over it.

I wound up getting myself a Gamo Big Cat 1200 air rifle from Dick's Sporting Goods for about $140 and have been thinning the herd with it. It fires lead pellets at a velocity of 1000 fps, and there's a special gold coated alloy pellet that it fires at 1200 fps. The sonic boom created when you fire the alloy pellets sounds like a 22 rifle. Lead pellets don't break the sound barrier and just sound like a regular BB gun. These high power air guns can take out groundhogs and at least one 8 year old child was tragicly killed when shot in the heart with one of these. If you do get one keep in mind that they are not toys and as with any gun don't aim it or shoot it at anything you're not intending to kill.

I have an old Sheridan 5mm Blue streak pump. (1200fps+) But my kid once shot a raccoon half a dozen times with it to no avail.  My neighbor hit one with a shovel once and it only made it hiss at him.

I want to make it quick and painless for those big fuckers. The one I found in my side yard a couple nights ago, was at least 35 lbs.

They fear nothing in these urban areas.

Maybe your air gun is whipped? The PBA ammo from mine rips completely through 1/2 inch plywood. The regular lead ammo drops big squirrels instantly. Many people claim to take out ground hogs, foxes, and raccoons with .177 pellets at 1000 to 1200 fps.

There's a video called Hunting Experience on the Gamo website where they take down a 200 lb boar with one of their air guns that fires at 1650 fps.

GPU speed is getting ridiculous.

My air gun is immaculate, perfect functioning order. But they have very thick skulls or something.

I was once accidentally shot in the leg with it, the pellet hit the bone, slipped around and passed completely through the muscle ending up just under the skin on the opposite side.

I can see how a creature could shrug that off.

I always aim for the chest cavity. If you get the heart or lung they'll go down in a snap. I think a gut shot would probably kill them after a couple of days.

But anyway, if you live in an area where you can shoot them with a rifle then by all means do it!

I hate the idea of them possibly running off wounded and suffering for several days.

I test fired my rifle four times into the ground the other day and none of my neighbors even noticed. We  get a lot of fire crackers and shit around here so nobody pays attention.
Or at least they don't complain.

My area is designated county though it is actually surrounded by the city.

I will have to be careful though because walls offer almost no resistance to rifle bullets.

If you're not in a rural area I would consider using a rifle a really bad idea.

According to current Sheridan specs the Blue Streak 5mm has a max velocity of 675 fps. If that's the case then it could explain your difficulty with it taking down a raccoon.

I find your specs in question since single break weapons now routinely exceed 1000 fps.
And because I KNOW my Sheridan pump exceeds the penetration of a 22 short in plywood which is typically 1045 fps

They're not my specs man, it's what I found online here and here and here.

you mean you don't just know everything??
you've had me fooled all along.

You could  just get really drunk and internet-flame the raccoons, or leave the raccoons creepy comments on their blog. That may work!

You could  just get really drunk and internet-flame the raccoons, or leave the raccoons creepy comments on their blog. That may work!

if this was facebook, i would click the link for "i like this post!" and then your facebook page would say "katie likes this wall post!"

It was a good post, I would do that too.

I know how to kill them. But only with a bang.

I don't think Raccoons blog about their adventures.

I don't think Raccoons blog about their adventures.

Have you tried, like, talking to them?  Maybe they just don't understand that they shouldn't be on your property.

...I would find it really strange if you went out and talked to them without yelling or anything, and then they just never came back.

I told it to get the fuck out of my yard, It looked at the door I was holding open and thought that might be an easier way to go.

But I couldn't let it inside because my cats would have attacked it and they would have lost.

sounds like you should have been more specific in your instructions!

"get the fuck out of my yard the same way that you got the fuck into it, please!"

"Earl, what's going on?"

"Coons are trying to get into school."

"Coons? When rac-coons tried getting on our back porch, mama just chased them off with a broom."

sounds like you should have been more specific in your instructions!

"get the fuck out of my yard the same way that you got the fuck into it, please!"

Hahahahaha yeah, my side yard is enclosed by an 8 foot wall, it's a little harder getting back out than getting in. But it managed.
Funny watching them climb, they look just like rock climbers.

Poison?

In a lot of places in the US, it's illegal to poison wild animals.
In Texas, I know it's illegal to poison birds, but not to shoot them with a shotgun.

Make one of those whipping tree branch traps with spikes on it. That would be awesome!