Coffee, I love you. You're like Viagra for old men to me. You make me into superman.

I like you dark roast, Colombian or French. Milk is for hacks, and sugar has no place within your oily black goodness.
Some days you taste like cigarette butts and you know you're completely undrinkable in "instant" or any of these damned fruit-flavored formats, but I forgive you even then because I know that when you are great you really are something great.

You make me a new man every morning. Thank you.

I wonder, does anyone else have any coffee preferences or am I the only one sludging up my insides every morning?

I love coffee, but I don't drink it that often.  I prefer to keep my stimulant tolerance low.

I love coffee, but I don't drink it that often.  I prefer to keep my stimulant tolerance low.

if you drink cofee you have less of a chance of SHUTTING THE FUCK UP

I love coffee. I have two cups during the weekdays usually. I like it with sugar and creamer and flavored syrup and all that shit. I am allergic to milk so I like that hazelnut flavored coffee creamer that is milk-free. Soy lattes are the best.

People just don't get my love of coffee. I say "I love coffee" and they are all "oh, I never realy got into drinking coffee". Or, "I drink it once in a while." Well, I'm fucking addicted and I like it!

Hazelnut is a product of the devil

The worst is ginger. My parents bought me a big thing of gingerbread-flavored coffee for Christmas. Oh I finished it, but every gulp was a struggle. It's like drinking curry flavored coffee or one of these asshole coffees with licorice flavoring. I like my coffee tasting the way god intended it - brown.

The worst is ginger.

I'm sure you don't hate ginger more than Zoomie's parents do/did.

Lick me, Tubby.

Ok pay attention. Get a  Moka Pot. Not  drip that's for the morning cup. Not a french press, that's for Kansas City Faggots. A Moka Pot. Sometimes called a Cafeterra Espresso. Bialetti makes a nice one but IMUSA is identical and cheaper. Less than $12 on eBay including shipping. If it's just for you, you only need the three serving. A serving is about 4 ounces. I have a double, sometimes a triple around 3pm each day. I use a one serving for hiking.

Get good coffee MADE for espresso. Pilon is the best I've found (it's from Cuban beans), though Goya is pretty good too. Medaglia D'oro is not worth the $9 per pound when Pilon is like $2.99. But I have only found Pilon in FL and on the web.

Level the grounds in the basket. Don't pack them. When if starts to brew, reduce the heat to the lowest setting. You want the boiling water forced through the grounds slowly to get all the flavor.

Use canned, sweetened condensed milk, Turkish/Cuban style. No other sweetener is required.

Sip loudly and hold on, you're gonna get a hell of a late afternoon ride.

And don't fuck on me until you've tried it. Seriously, it's better than speed and healthier than Red Bull.

Kyle, when I get to TX I'll make you a cup, I promise you'll love it. Then I'm gonna give you a total beat down so you'll stop acting like a post-virginal arrogant asshole. This is what pussy does to you.

I drink lots of soda but I've never enjoyed coffee.  It's not the taste at all, I don't find that disagreeable, I just don't like hot beverages at all.  Iced coffee is alright, but nothing really spectacular.

Yeah I have a sensitive mouth. I have to wait till it's just above room temperature to drink it. I'm wary of soda, though. I have a buddy who literally gave himself an ulcer by drinking too much coke. He was so hooked on caffeine he would put down one to two 2-litre sodas a day. Really fucked himself up.

Zoomie, what you describe sounds delicious. Well, everything after the "Lick me, Tubby" anyway.

Lick me, Tubby.

I'm sure that's definitely not the first time you said that.

I'm completely sure it's not even the first time I've said it to you.

Yeah I have a sensitive mouth. I have to wait till it's just above room temperature to drink it. I'm wary of soda, though. I have a buddy who literally gave himself an ulcer by drinking too much coke. He was so hooked on caffeine he would put down one to two 2-litre sodas a day. Really fucked himself up.

Zoomie, what you describe sounds delicious. Well, everything after the "Lick me, Tubby" anyway.

I have a pretty poor stomach (not ulcerous, but still) and I'm pretty sure a lot of it could be attributed to similar degree to soda consumption.  I've been drinking soda every day for the past 15 years.  Certainly not two liters or four liters a day, but definitely ~1-1.5 liters/36-48oz/3-4 cans a day I would guess is pretty average for me.

At some point the benefits of it (taste, artificially heightened state of energy) will be outweighed by the cons (like any number of health problems), but it seems pretty negligibly tame as far as vices go.

It pisses me off that I can't order a plain coffee anymore. Everything is tall/late/soy/flat/frappa/cappa/mocha/cream/vente....

When I'm in western countries I like to fuck with idiot Baristas who think they're performing something more artistic than pouring hot liquid into a cup.

Me: Give me a coffee please
Barista: What, sorry?
Me: Coffee, in a cup
Barista: Our menu is above the counter sir...
Me: That's good, I'll have a coffee
Barista: Uh, American blend or house blend
Me: Coffee, in a cup. Regular.
Barista: Regular size, sir?
Me: Regular coffee
Barista: What flavor?
Me: Regular, just a plain coffee, don't forget the cup
Barista: That is called a tall black, sir..
Me: Good. I'll have one of those, then
Barista: What size would you like
Me: Normal cup size.
Barista: We offer regular, tall, vente and grande
Me: Regular is a normal coffee mug?
Barista: Yes sir
Me: OK.
Barista: Would you like sugar or milk with that?
Me: No thanks
Barista: Would you like an extra shot of coffee or perhaps some soy milk or hazlenut?
Me: No thanks
Barista: So one regular tall black coffee
Me: In a regular cup
Barista: ...... will that be all sir?
Me (if I'm in a really nasty mood): Can I change my order to a grande soy latte to go? Throw in one of those cookies while you're at it, thanks. Here's my point card which is full, so this is on you guys, right? Cheers mate, thanks very much.

I make a better cup of coffee than Starfucks for about 2 cents on the dollar.

Fuck em.

I'd rather drink Guiness.

It pisses me off that I can't order a plain coffee anymore. Everything is tall/late/soy/flat/frappa/cappa/mocha/cream/vente....

When I'm in western countries I like to fuck with idiot Baristas who think they're performing something more artistic than pouring hot liquid into a cup.

Me: Give me a coffee please
Barista: What, sorry?
Me: Coffee, in a cup
Barista: Our menu is above the counter sir...
Me: That's good, I'll have a coffee
Barista: Uh, American blend or house blend
Me: Coffee, in a cup. Regular.
Barista: Regular size, sir?
Me: Regular coffee
Barista: What flavor?
Me: Regular, just a plain coffee, don't forget the cup
Barista: That is called a tall black, sir..
Me: Good. I'll have one of those, then
Barista: What size would you like
Me: Normal cup size.
Barista: We offer regular, tall, vente and grande
Me: Regular is a normal coffee mug?
Barista: Yes sir
Me: OK.
Barista: Would you like sugar or milk with that?
Me: No thanks
Barista: Would you like an extra shot of coffee or perhaps some soy milk or hazlenut?
Me: No thanks
Barista: So one regular tall black coffee
Me: In a regular cup
Barista: ...... will that be all sir?
Me (if I'm in a really nasty mood): Can I change my order to a grande soy latte to go? Throw in one of those cookies while you're at it, thanks. Here's my point card which is full, so this is on you guys, right? Cheers mate, thanks very much.

Oh that's good. Thanks for the early morning laugh.

Especially effective when I'm traveling in America with my rocking Kiwi twang.

I'd rather drink Guinness.

Coffee makes me jittery and I get all 28-days later-like. I can down a plain, black coffee or iced mocha when it beckons to me.

Frankly I think the idea of drinking coffee for energy is a joke when there are amphetamines available.  Now taste is a different story.......mmmmmm, dunkin donuts brand (whole bean, ground at home) with cream and sugar.  Good shit.

I drink coffee to wake up in the morning not to chase down gazelles or transform into Techno Viking (although that would be pretty fucking cool). Amphetamines may be more potent, but they're a bit much...
As far as taste goes, I agree it's important, but as far as I can see that's pretty much the best reason [/i]not[/i] to muddle it all up with sugar and milk. If I want a milkshake I'll go to the DQ.

I drink coffee to wake up in the morning not to chase down gazelles or transform into Techno Viking (although that would be pretty fucking cool). Amphetamines may be more potent, but they're a bit much...
As far as taste goes, I agree it's important, but as far as I can see that's pretty much the best reason [/i]not[/i] to muddle it all up with sugar and milk. If I want a milkshake I'll go to the DQ.

Well it doesn't necessarily have to be "a bit much" if you, for example, were to take a therapeutic dose (likely just one capsule) of any time released prescription amphetamine.  Try that and then tell me caffeine is better.  There is a world of difference between taking a therapeutic dose of amphetamine and popping a hand full of pills.

I look at coffee like I do chocolate.  They both have a delicious flavor but are very bitter and not that pleasant alone (in my opinion).  And just like I don't understand the appeal of dark chocolate, I don't understand the appeal of coffee without cream and sugar.  Milk chocolate and coffee with cream and sugar FTW.

Ask a white crackwhore the appeal of dark chocolate.

And just like I don't understand the appeal of dark chocolate

That's because you are retarded.
I can agree with bagman on one thing, Guinness is awesome.

Ok Guiness is not awesome.

Guiness is better than coffee, but that's about it.

Yeah yeah, I understand the blasphemy I have just commited, being Irish and all. But I am Protestant.

Guinness is awesome and Fuck You

The Guinness is pretty damn good.

I was Dr Kaffeine !

There was a drive by poster at A-S for a short while who I wanted to fuck with so I ferreted out his real identity and then found he sometimes used that name on another board. So I stole it and used it against him at A-S. He was completely taken by surprise and got supper pissed off. I even stole the sig he had used with it, *Coffee is Food*.

That was sort of fun.

Yeah, I really like coffee too, never start the day without it.

Ok Guiness is not awesome.

Guiness is better than coffee.

I am Protestant.

Those are probably the only three offensive things an Irishman could say to me. I can't believe you said them all in one post. It's so over.