IN WATERVILLE, Sunday at 11:46 a.m., a theft was reported on Redington Street.

12:35 p.m., a burglary was reported on Main Street.

1:58 p.m., a shoplifter was reported at Wal-Mart.

2:19 p.m., a case involving criminal mischief was reported at the main dorm at Thomas College off West River Road.

3:46 p.m., the theft of a laptop computer was reported at Waterville Senior High School.

4:11 p.m., a theft was reported at The Home Depot.

8:52 p.m., juvenile offenses were reported on Sherwin Street.

9:36 p.m., excessive water was reported on the road on Mayflower Hill Drive.

10:04 p.m., a case involving threatening was reported at Appleton Apartments on Hathaway Street.

10:16 p.m., a case involving criminal mischief was reported on the Wal-Mart parking lot.

Monday at 12:25 a.m., a case involving criminal mischief was reported on West River Road.

10:11 a.m., a vehicle accident with personal injury was reported on Interstate 95 south, near Exit 130.

Fucking EXCITING.

You had a busy fucking day, man.

Yeah, took a while.

9:36 p.m., excessive water was reported on the road on Mayflower Hill Drive.

This is a crime?

Anyway, I wish our police log was as benign. We had an entry team across the street serving warrants at 11:45pm last night. All of the police logs here are issued the following day in .pdf as press releases online. Looks like all the crime here is committed by tall, thin black males, except the teachers who get caught screwing their students. And they are relatively unattractive white females in their late 20s.

I gotta get out of here...

Come to Waterville!  Where excessive water in the road is a motherfucking crime.

Take a look at Jacksonville's or even Philly's, or Detroit's ....

Shit, all we do here is beat the shit out of Indian students... it's the new national sports obsession!

I wish we had water all over the road.

Or water period

ewww a water period....

Sounds better than a bloody period.  I vote YES on water periods.

Gives yet another new meaning to the term "water sports" ...

so does extreme diarrhoea...

I was across the road from Chopper Read

Only foreigners, namely Chinese people, commit crimes in Japan

ewww a water period....

Fuck you for making me LOL at work.

You're welcome.

You aren't allowed to laugh at work?

I was across the road from Chopper Read

Next time, we meet the ol' toecutter...

Push me? Shove you! Oh yeah? Says who?!