I can't stay away forever. Neither drug addiction nor hospitalization nor broken heart can keep this place out of my mind for more than a year. Hi.

Burnie... has your life improved any?

Hey good question.
My addiction brings me here more often than possibly otherwise.

Hey dude, good to see you back!

No. My life has deteriorated to a low that I've never imagined possible. I quit smoking speed at the end of last year, and got a good job. Met the most amazing girl I've ever known and we were supposed to be married last Sunday. She left me a week before the wedding, no fight, no good reason. I've been the perfect, clean person I've always wanted to be. A few days later I lost my job and I'll be evicted within the week. Not on speed, but cocaine is notoriously hard to find in this area so it's all Saki and pills for me. Been hospitalized for a nervousness breakdown, and the treatment facilities here wont help me... trying to get therapy, but it's an uphill battle. Got a new tattoo yesterday, so thats nice...

Enoy the internet while you can ?

Sorry to hear that, dude.

Hey, I'm 38 today; which is worse?

Happy...

Naa. The thread aint in that space... yet.


Die, Mother Fucker, Die.

Hey Burn. Welcome. Chin up, camper. I've been on the cusp of foreclosure for almost a year. I could always be worse. You could be old, unemployable and an amputee. Or something.

Lost the stereotypical will to live blablablah whine. Hard to get back. Maybe impossible this time.

We've all been there, worst comes to worst just say fuck it and take what you want from those who have it. Ie if you get hungry, steal food from the fancy stores. If you get busted at least you still get fed. Oh wait you're in Ticksass aren't you. I guess they execute people for stealing from the rich there.

Just remember man you haven't lost until you give up.

Hey Burn, sorry shit is so down.

And yes, Zoomie could always be worse.

I'm kinda drunk and my life has gotten unexpectedly kinda temporarily shitty or at least expensive the last couple weeks but fuck it this ain't about me or about you this is life and it's our one shot at it. Better to give it a shot than not bother, no?

And yes, Zoomie could always be worse.

Let me take a Geritol, change my catheter and tell you about my new sailboat...

damn, sorry to hear that.

.

Wow. She cleaned the apartment the fuck out. Guess I didn't realize what little I had. Losing my place tomorrow either way. Oh well. Was planning on hanging myself this thursday with the cheesy joke neckties that her mom gave me at our wedding shower, but those are gone too... can't kill myself sans irony. Probably wouldn't do that anyway. Ooo. Wait I found them. I start therapy tomorrow, and I'll tell them about that one. They get paid to talk me out of shit like that, so I'm sure it's cool. Was just a thought. Drunk and whiny on a message board. Blah. Got a message on twitter from MC Chris. That was neat.

Didn't the exact same scenario happen to you LAST year?  I hope things get better for you.  My life is strange and unusual, but I myself am, strange and unusual.

Two years ago was homeless.. Last year was comparatively minor loss of work compounded with potential addiction and was going to be a springboard for a move to Austin. Then I got a good job and good relationship and decided to stay put. Then kapow. This one has me in a mental hole that I can't crawl out of alone. Fairly embarrassing actually.

Hey, a person can only take so much before needing a hand; no shame in it, man!

Not at all. Hang in there, dude!

Let's go, Team Burny! Fuck this depression right in the fucking ass. Or as you may prefer, right in it's tight, wet pussy.

Hey, now!
Let's not rule anything out here!

I FINALLY got a referral to a good psychiatrist. It took a referral from a general practitioner doc who tried and failed to treat me, a nervous break down and visit to the ER which resulted in standard blood tests that were required (a week before I got a hold of some stomped on shitty coke, so it was semi-cleanish other than some Vicodin and a mysterious barbiturate that I never figured out) and a trip to a licensed counsellor who gave me the second opinion referral that was required. This is big good news. Took weeks. Now, I firmly believe that drugs should be used only for recreation, pain, or physical disease, but I'll try anything, and everyone insists that this is be best route. Oh, and I got rid of the Jetta that I can't afford and got a little 03 Eclipse GTS that's not only much much cheaper but quick and fun to drive, so goodbye to a big source of hell that has been keeping me down for 2 years. And I'm not homeless (yet) which is good because my new car is too small to live in. So I'm going to put off dying for a bit. That's nice. Now for the barely legal rebound. Oh, and a job I guess. How's that for a day?

Yeah you better get a job. The barely legals all want bling these days. And JAYSUS are they stupid...

I think I must like feeling bad. Is that strange? I had a couple nice days (although hydrocodone was a factor) and now I'm all self destructive tonight. Bleeding and intoxicated and shit like a kid that listens to too much My Chemical Romance. Fuck, I'm 30. Too old for this behavior. I realize this sounds all feel sorry for me bullshit, but it really isn't. I'm not that guy. I'm a very introspective empathetic and rational person. I see myself behave this way, and if it were anyone other than me, I would call it a pathetic cry for help or at least sympathy. (Talking about it in a message board context it's different. More like a diary with optional feedback.) But that disgusts me. Not in others, to a reasonable extent, because I understand the psychology behind it, and try to help without being either a dick or feeding need for attention. But not me, I recognize that attitude and think it's silly... very confusing. Maybe instead it's some kind of natural rapid emotional cycling. Wake, productivity, depression, indulgence, self destruction, introspection, shame, sleep, repeat. It seems stupid. Physical self destruction has always been something I looked down on. Chemical self destruction is different. That's a very private behavior, and there's few if any outward signs. Again. Confusing. Maybe it's the indulgence part. The chemical factor that's the problem after all.

Eh. Some people flourish on chaos. You still get to choose.

... at least you recognize it

I got laid, and not just some nasty slut. Groovy. Technically belongs in sex, but in this context, definitely part of the recovery process.