The first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club.

Dude, there's a fight club there?!?!

Remember Plan B?

i want to come to this fight club, only if there are whimpy girls like myself in it.

Remember Plan B?

Yeah man, I'm sorry to hear it has to be enacted.

Asshole.

The first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club.

Sorry I haven't been around everyone. I was busy banging the shit out of these three girls I met at a club the other night. They were with some douche bag that said he knows Tricky. Did I miss anything?

Tricky hates men.

no, she hates boys.

Difference ?

Sorry I haven't been around everyone. I was busy banging the shit out of these three girls I met at a club the other night. They were with some douche bag that said he knows Tricky. Did I miss anything?

I'm glad someone got some action on Friday!

Difference ?

boys do things that are offensive to the female of the species.  men do not!

Remember Plan B?

Whatever you do, just don't end up being called Robert Paulson.

The first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club.

DAMMIT!!!

My bad, sir.

Sorry I haven't been around everyone. I was busy banging the shit out of these three girls I met at a club the other night. They were with some douche bag that said he knows Tricky. Did I miss anything?

I'm glad someone got some action on Friday!

The seat of your pants got plenty!

I... don't... get it.

He refers to cumstains.

Oh. Ok. That was not on Friday night and that was actually a dress.

So it was kinda like Selma Blair in "The Sweetest Thing"

Was it leopard print and were you embarrassed to take it to the dry cleaner because he knew your mother?

i'm embarrassed to say i watched that last week

No. I doubt the dry cleaner even noticed.

SEMEN ON MY DRESS I GOT SEMEN ON MY DRESS IM THE ONLY PERSON THATS EVER HAPPENED TO!

The Sweetest Thing - Video 6

A blonde walks into a dry cleaners and mumbles something.

Man behind the counter says, "Come again?"

The blonde giggles and says, "No, just mayo this time."

Ha ha! Funny!

Difference ?

boys do things that are offensive to the female of the species.  men do not!

Where do we lads fit in to your scheme?

It's easy. Aim high, accept low, be ready to fuck anyone at any time and objectify every woman except the one you love (but you can still call her a bitch to your friends).

Outside of that, you make it up as you go along. And always buy shit you don't need. Lots of it.

 It's so great being a guy.

Dear Zoomie,
How do you tell a guy that you met a week ago, who you have now gone on three dates with (he did all the asking out on dates), who asks you to hang out on Sunday, that you no longer want to hang out in that way? On our most recent date, he smelled like he hadn't showered in 3-4 days, his clothes smelled badly like he hadn't washed them in a while (and I think there was some dried up food crap on the collar??). Every time we go out he doesn't tip in a way that is socially acceptable, and he is rude to bartenders/ cab drivers. Seems to have little regard for other people's property. Otherwise, he has an awesome job, is creative and kinda funny. Also walks weird... also seems to be WAAAYYYY too into me.

If a man were dating a woman like this, what would the man do? And hell no I will not fuck him, he stinks. Literally.
Love,
tricky

I would have kicked her in the snapper, and thrown her in the river.

Take her to the river. Drop her in the water.

Dear Zoomie,
How do you tell a guy that you met a week ago, who you have now gone on three dates with (he did all the asking out on dates), who asks you to hang out on Sunday, that you no longer want to hang out in that way? On our most recent date, he smelled like he hadn't showered in 3-4 days, his clothes smelled badly like he hadn't washed them in a while (and I think there was some dried up food crap on the collar??). Every time we go out he doesn't tip in a way that is socially acceptable, and he is rude to bartenders/ cab drivers. Seems to have little regard for other people's property. Otherwise, he has an awesome job, is creative and kinda funny. Also walks weird... also seems to be WAAAYYYY too into me.

If a man were dating a woman like this, what would the man do? And hell no I will not fuck him, he stinks. Literally.
Love,
tricky

Dear tricky,
Be honest without being cruel. Something like "I'm not really interested in a relationship and you're just not what I'm looking for in an occasional fuck buddy". If he presses you for specifics, tell him he's rude to service people and he tips like an Australian tour group and you don't find that acceptable. If he doesn't get it, tell him that his clothes smell like a busload of Koreans broken down in the desert and his body odor reminds you of a cross between a spoiled gallon of milk and a high school wrestling team.

Failing that you may have to give either me or Balor 2000 clams to make this all go away. Actually, I'd do that first but I like being cruel.