Today, I took a bath with what I thought was my waterproof vibrator. It wasn't. Apparently my boyfriend found me passed out in the tub from an electric shock with my vibrator floating next to me. He refused to call a doctor and insisted on interrogating me about what he's doing wrong in bed. FML

"Your pubic region fails to vibrate. Get to work on that."

Not wanting to have sex, but letting your then-boyfriend do it to you anyways because he's horny, even though you didn't want to, with the whole thing ending in crying!

That was the worst sex of my life. I think I was like 20.

I had a girl I was dating dissolve into tears once during sex. Obviously I stopped immediately and asked her what was wrong. She told me it wasn't me - she was crying about her old boyfriend who had dumped her before we got together. I think that was the biggest FML story of my sexual career.
Ironically, for the degree of obvious lack of investment this chick had in our relationship, it took me a bagman-esque 3 or 4 attempts to finally tell her "we're done here. GTFO my property." I think it was just pride on her part and she didn't want to be ditched again. One of the neediest girls I've ever met.

passed out just after I had stuck it in


and



the opposite

passed out just after I had stuck it in


and



the opposite

I've fallen asleep while getting blown before.

....and then the cough syrup drool trickled from the side of your mouth.

Nah, I usually can't sleep on DXM.  It was from overworking and not enough sleep, believe it or not.

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend.

fag.

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend.

fag.

Oh whoops, I forgot the quotes, didn't I?  I guess that would make me quite homosexual.

I can't even count the number of times my girlfriend has either punched or kicked me in the face on accident while switching positions or fooling around.  I'm surprised I still have all my teeth.

I dated a cougar for a year, that was a 12 month disaster

Why, Nick?

Date a cougar yourself trix and you'll find out

I really don't want to date an old woman.

Am I the only one that noticed the subject?  What's a disater?

Disater: n A person who constantly corrects other people. Ex: Stop being such a faggot disater spelling nazi.

Thats funny. However there are lots and lots of legal-aged ginger hotties.

LMFAOOOOOO OMG! so many people say to me "weren't you a ginger?" And i have to always tell them i never fucking had red hair like that. I have medium/dark brown hair. I dyed my hair with a red tint, and i still didn't look like a ginger. So everyone that has a few freckles is considered a ginger now?!

Nope.  Olivia Munn has freckles, and that cunt hides them.  Freckles are totally hot on chicks.

Freckles are totally hot on chicks.

LMFAOOOOOO OMG! so many people say to me "weren't you a ginger?" And i have to always tell them i never fucking had red hair like that. I have medium/dark brown hair. I dyed my hair with a red tint, and i still didn't look like a ginger. So everyone that has a few freckles is considered a ginger now?!

I dont care if you are or are not a ginga... you is hot.

... she's 90% lez, but, will she still let me rim her ass?

i'm curious: just how many times is it possible to laugh your fucking ass off?

sexual disaster from '03: me, on my knees on the couch, hands supporting my weight on the arm of the couch, facing over the side. boyfriend fucking me from behind, and suddenly he slams into me so hard i lose my grip and topple over the arm of the couch, onto the delightfully hard and cold tiled floor. as i hit, one of my knees knocks into my face, and i end up with a black eye. goddamn spider legs.

shit, that was you?

Spider legs! Just as I suspected....

Black eye; just as I suspected ...

wish it had been you, nick. your pictures indicate you are better looking than that ex boyfriend.