I would find it really strange if you went out and talked to them without yelling or anything, and then they just never came back.

i would love to see a video of that scenario, ideally starring our own Tru, and the racoon who has been terrorizing him, Zigzag.

He could also offer the raccoons residence in his beard.

once i was in my kitchen, minding my own, making a sandwich, when i heard a noise in the driveway. i figured it was some neighborhood kids who had been stealing change and stuff out of cars parked in driveways and on the streets so i snuck over to the door, sandwich in hand.

i flung the door open as hard as i could while simultaneously flipping on the porch light and was struck by the sight of a family of five raccoons of varying sizes sitting three feet from the steps. their eyes narrowed as they surveyed the open portal and then shifted their attention to my sandwich. they hissed in unison and i slammed the door, locked it and turned off the light.

fuck that shit.

you needed a gatling gun like in Doom 2

Fuck that. Chainsaw.

See that shit? Red Stripe is bad news!

Poison?

Fuck Poison. Brett Michaels sucks, but not quite enough to kill any raccoons within earshot. Daisy might work, though. He's scary as fuck!

Make one of those whipping tree branch traps with spikes on it. That would be awesome!

"I'M RIGHT HEYAH. COME KILL ME! I'M RIGHT HEYAH, YOU UGLY BASTID! GET TO DA CHOPPAH! IT'S NAHT A TUMAH!"