a porno with some huge black dude railing some tiny freckly redhead. 

Did you catch the name of it, by chance?

It's called "Beeyot Fudgepacks ZoomieDude"

edited to add "Dude"

Little does she know that was my name years and years ago before I dropped the dude.

I think you should add the Dude again, dude.

Ok, I got one. I tried to pick "J" up last night off the bathroom counter, and almost dropped her. She's got a good 30 - 50 on me. My spine hurts today.

So she's about 170?

I am here to fixen einer cable...

You can imagine where it goes from here...

He fixes the cable?

Ok, I got one. I tried to pick "J" up last night off the bathroom counter, and almost dropped her. She's got a good 30 - 50 on me. My spine hurts today.

Why would you do that? The proper way to reposition a woman you're banging is with a handful of her hair.

... or a slap/punch in the right direction

I like to verbally belittle them into the fetal position so they can be easily rolled around.

So one time I was doing it with this girl and my friend Mike unexpectedly came home (it was at his house and I was using his bed) and walked in on us. There were no blankets of course.

We just looked at each other for a moment, then he said, "You're doing a good job!" and grabbed his bottle of vodka from the shelf (the reason he came into the room) and let us get back to work.

I think it was like 6:30 AM.

Makes sense. Why get pissed off and sidetrack his vodka mission, plus ruin that shit for you two? Just smile and nod and drink vodka and then change the sheets.

That said, if any of you lot ever visit me here and then have sex in my bed, you're fuckin' swimming home.

That said, if any of you lot ever visit me here and then have sex in my bed, you're fuckin' swimming home.

Do you know what the hell we had to go through?
Yeah, it was a dick move on my part. That's why I'm paying for your meal. Prick.
Here's 50 for the meal, and 200 for the car.
What did you do to my car?
I made some love stains in the back. You'll see...

Yeah... like I stand a chance of getting lucky even in Antigua...

I'm avoidin' the beach ...
Wait, it's all beach ...

FUCK!

Nah, we have cassy and foresty and towny areas too. We claim to have 365 beaches, which is bullshit. We do have a fucking bunch of them, probably over 300, depending on what counts as a beach. But 365 is too convenient to be true.

1 a day for a year ...
It was a marketing ploy ...

I'm sayin'.

Thrash said if we ever went on a date and I wore heels he'd take me to a beach.

No, I said if you wore 7" heels I would ...

Oh ok. 7 inch heels and sand sounds adventurous!

That was my point ...

I think I still have the conversation sitting on my home computer if you'd like me to post it ...

i know that is your point. then i'd fuck your butt with my 7 inch sand covered heels. oh good times. then we'd go get ice cream.

... after I returned the favor, tootse!

I like ice cream

I agree ...

One time, at band camp...

One time, at band camp ...