past backstory about my relationship itt:
1 /
2She came to visit me this weekend. We went out Saturday night and had about 4 martinis a piece and started airing some grievances.
Long story short, I told her she had been acting super insecure lately and that I didn't feel like I could trust her 100%. She told me that between the formal dance I took her to in April and the time I visited her in Brooklyn in May she fucked one of her female friend's guy friends. Which means I had reasons to be upset at how weird she was acting, and pretty much all of you guys on this entire forum were right that she was screwing around on me.
Last November when we were fighting pretty substantially and the relationship was on the rocks I know she had fucked around then and that we had thought about splitting, but we agreed to hold it together and
she specifically wanted the relationship no longer to be an open one. I honored that, but she didn't. That means she has screwed around on me 3 times now just in the past year. The first two I forgave because we had agreed that we would be open to the idea of seeing other people if the long distance relationship was too strained. This third one I don't know how I can humanly forgive, especially considering she literally did it a week or two after I took her out on the nicest date in the history of our 4.5-yr relationship.
I'm at a high point in my life. I've improved my own personal situation in the last year so much that it makes my head spin. I wear suits to work, make twice as much money as I did this time last year, my school is practically paying me to attend, I have my own car, my own place, I pay my own way for everything.
I have given this woman a ton of my life, and I just don't know what to do. I'm sure I could do better at this point, and I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust her again equally, it seems borderline unhealthy to continue this on. Even if I broke it off with her though I'd still care about her.
Fuck man.

Logged
Pour the wine, hold the grind, quarter to nine, let's go.